Thursday, January 14, 2016

Let Your Freak Flag Fly...Or Else

Further to yesterday's post, here are some more details with regard to the Shover Down Under:


Police say that officers from the Motorcycle Response Team were patrolling near the intersection of William and Yurong streets in Darlinghurst when they allege the 30-year-old cyclist, who was not wearing a helmet, disobeyed a red traffic signal there.

A-ha!  So the cyclist wasn't wearing a helmet!  Clearly then the police officer needed to shove him off his bike for his own safety.  Otherwise the cyclist might have crashed and injured himself.

Instead of complaining, the cyclist really should be thanking the police officer for saving his life.

On Thursday, police said helmet vision confirmed this version of events.

"Helmet vision?"  Is that what they call the particular strain of tunnel vision the Australian government seems to have with regard to riding bikes?

Perhaps the officer was wearing one of these:


Wearing the helmets, the visitor becomes a hybrid creature himself, part human, part machine, part animal, but also: part work of art. A work of art that challenges those who contemplate the helmet - from the inside or from the outside - to take a new perspective on the world. 


The cycling applications for the meta-perceptual helmet should be immediately obvious.  For example, they're the perfect solution for your prone recumbent:


After all, this kludgy setup hardly does justice to the elegance and grace that is the H-Zontal:


Just imagine how much more elegantly surreal he'd be in a polished metal meta-perceptual helmet, skimming along the road surface like some sort of exotic bottom-feeding fish.

Anyway, while Australia currently reigns supreme as the World's Least Bike-Friendly Country, the state of Missouri is looking to leapfrog right over them like a jackalope over a prone recumbent:


(Disclosure: photo has been doctored.)

To that end, a representative has introduced a bill that would require cyclists to fly a fifteen (15) foot fluorescent flag while riding:

A bill recently introduced in the state of Missouri would require anyone riding a bike on lettered county roads – all of Missouri’s rural highways – to fly a fluorescent orange flag. The flag would have to be “not less than fifteen feet above the motorway when the bicycle is standing upright.”

Yes, that's right, fifteen feet.  If you're from a civilized country (Australia excluded) and have trouble envisioning things in our antiquated measuring system, here's a visual for you:

In other words, sure, you'd clear this overpass, but just barely:



And in case you think the fifteen feet thing is a mistake perpetuated by the Canadian media, here's a copy of the bill via Cyclelicio.us:


In a way the most pathetic thing about this is that the politician might actually have pulled it off if only he hadn't gotten greedy with the height requirements.  After all, people hate cyclists, so a one, two, or even three-foot Flag of Shame would probably have gone right through the legislature like bacon grease through a dog's intestines.  However, even the most ardent bike-hater probably realizes that flying a fifteen foot flag is simply untenable.

Oh well, he shot for the moon, and who could blame him?


If you feel as badly for him as I do, you can tweet your sympathies to him here.

In other news, my electronic mail inning-box is aflame with the news that Brooks has lifted its media embargo on the new C13 saddle:


Though I've been writing about mine since early December so I guess Brooks is now going to send me to their Dickensian prison facility:


Which should not be confused with the factory where they make the leather saddles:


Just kidding.  I've been to the factory and working conditions are quite agreeable:


(Eric the Chamferer moments before bludgeoning me in my bald spot with a Brooks saddle)

Apart from the forced consumption of "beef drink," that is:


Anyway, here's my C13:


The short version is that it's basically a smaller, firmer, lighter (and needless to say more expensive) version of the C17, and thus a bit better suited to a going-fast bike in terms of both feel and aesthetics.  That said, I don't go too fast these days, so overall I'm still partial to the original Cambium.  Nevertheless, the C-13 is a good match for the Fred Sled and the character of a "racing" bike in general.  I find it quite comfortable, it retains that slightly "bouncy" quality of the Cambium I really like, and I wouldn't hesitate to embark on my next 100 mile ride on it--which, owing to my sundry parenting responsibilities, should be in about 20 years.

And by that time I'll need a prone recumbent, so the saddle will be moot.

Speaking of Fredly pursuits, a whole team of them nearly took out the pride of Ontario, Justin Bieber:


Oh whoa. The Axeon Hagens Berman U23 development team narrowly avoided hitting Justin Bieber as he stepped out into the Pacific Coast Highway near Malibu on Wednesday afternoon.

“We were just rolling down PCH and some guy kinda yells and stepped into the road a bit,” rider Justin Oien told VeloNews. “We kept going and then one of the guys realized it was Justin Bieber. Of course we stopped, we turned around. We thought, that would be cool to get a photo.”

This is either an argument for or against disc brakes depending on how you look at it, because we were perhaps a wheel revolution away from losing Mr. Bieber's pop music stylings forever.

The Latvian rider was especially excited by the encounter:

The 16 Axeon riders stopped their training ride and massed for a photo with Bieber. Latvian rider Krists Neilands — “he was super excited,” said Oien — put a video of the encounter up on Instagram.

“I’m a fan of Justin,” Oien admitted later Wednesday evening.

Whaddya want, he's from the Baltics.

105 comments:

Dorothy RabinoBOT said...

PODIUM!

Anti-Ted K Quote of the Day: "The bicycle is just as good company as most husbands and, when it gets old and shabby, a woman can dispose of it and get a new one without shocking the entire community." ~ Ann Strong

Ted K. said...

101. The first principle is almost a tautology. If a trend were not stable with respect to small changes, it would wander at random rather than following a definite direction; in other words it would not be a long- term trend at all.

Anonymous said...

podaiting yo.

cdinvb said...

Contender

Old timer said...

Almost...

le Correcteur said...

Top ten; first time in a long time; probably because of a drug suspension.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

or... let your Freak Flag Fall

DB said...

Present.

Anonymous said...

Well, if the flag said AYHSMB ... maybe it's OK

dnk said...

...and accounted

The rest of Canada said...

Thank you for narrowing Mr Beiber's origin to Ontario.

Sincerely

The rest of Canada

PS: We apologise for Ontario.

Synonymous said...

Pardon me...just passing through.

NYCHighwheeler said...

Ahhh, that push from The Goose (what I assume all Australian motorcycle cops are called) reminds me of the NYPD scooter cops crashing into cyclists during one of the Bike National Convention rides in 2004. The best part was that they were "undercover" so it was just some angry meathead looking guys on scooters wearing Starter jerseys and Kaiser helmuts knocking into middle aged women on bikes - real class acts!

Oh well, now I don't feel so bad about the scene in Mad Max where The Goose gets cooked.

dop said...

Those bots should get a room. Maybe watch some Bieber videos.

McFly said...

I don't see what the big deal is.

You could still ride under the arch. Unless it's under water.

JuanOffhue said...

As Mark Twain said, “No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session.” Perhaps not coincidentally, he was from Missouri.

Anonymous said...

Whistle while scranular maladies develop.

Anonymous said...

Who washes snob's mom's dishes?

Jon Webb said...

Isn't the idea of asking for 15' flags so you can compromise, say on 7.5'? I think most people would think that sounds like a fair compromise -- split the difference.
I looked to see if there are any biking groups in Mr. Houghton's home district (which includes a town oddly named Mexico, BTW) -- couldn't find any. Just an odd spam page about renting bikes there and a PDF from the health department talking about some new bike racks they've installed, and how fat everybody there is.

Johnny Double-entendre said...

PULD PRK

N/A said...

Fifteen foot freak flag, flappin' freely!

N/A said...

Wearing the helmets, the visitor becomes a hybrid creature himself, part human, part machine, part animal, but also: part work of art. A work of art that challenges those who contemplate the helmet - from the inside or from the outside - to take a new perspective on the world.


I'll just stick with shrooms, thank you very much.

Anonymous said...

WHAT WILL the STATE of MISSOURI DO now?

Maybe add a sideways stick that is 3 feet plus half the bike's handlebar width long to the left side of the bike with a chalkbot on it so that drivers will know if they've given the required 3 feet while passing a biek?

And Mark Twain also said "Get a bicycle. You will not regret it. If you live."

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scranus.

Anonymous said...

While they’re at it, the Missouri legislature could pass a law requiring that all motorized vehicles be preceded by a pedestrian waving a red flag or, at night, a lantern. There actually is a precedent for that, while as far as I can tell the bike flag requirement would be breaking new ground.

Show Me State Chauvinist said...

Men in Missouri who have erections lasting more 8 hours should have to show them to 2 doctors.

I'm looking at you, Rush Limbaugh. (but maintaining eye contact

Show Me etc said...

Rush Limbaugh

Bryan said...

Sure, he shot for the moon
"Why don't you take a flying fuck at a rolling doughnut? Why don't you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooooooon?"

Anonymous said...

I think that intersection was misspelled, should be William and You're Wrong.

Anonymous said...

The frustrating thing like the two stories here, the Aussie cop and the 15 foot flag, is that you can't do anything about it other than complain. It gives me very little faith in humanity when people do such inconceivably stupid shit like this. Makes me want to drink or move to a cabin deep in the woods or both. People can be fucking stupid, I can't believe we haven't completely destroyed ourselves yet. Seriously.

Regular guy said...

Too bad that flag bill failed to pass. That would have given race teams another surface on which to promote their sponsors. Imagine a 100 strong peloton steaming down the road with 15 foot flags a flappin' to and fro.

I've always wanted to know what it was like to see like a hammerhead shark, where can I get one of those vision enhancing healments? Are they approved in Australia?

Southold Police Chief Martin Flatley said...

TedK, Perhaps we can snuggle over a hot Bovril and discuss the intricacies of your discourse.
Kisses.

Hoghopper said...

@Anonymous at 1:22: sounds like the start of a manifesto.

Anonymous said...

I like the flag idea. 15 feet of reach with a flag on the end - great for smackin' windshields, slappin' faces, sendin' messages. Way more reach, yet way less damaging and can be used more carelessly/indiscriminately than the children's baseball bat I carry around in my front water bottle cage.

grog said...

Pretty sure Recumbabe is from Riga. Is that why you're ignoring her?

JB said...

Goddamnit, Missouri.

balls™ said...

I prefer to concentrate on keeping my flag at half-mast when I'm wearing lycra.

JLRB said...

I like wool socks and I can not lie

Freddy Murcks said...

The state of Misery has inspired me. I am going to market a bikecycle safety flag that is attached to a butt plug (speed, crash, and heart rate monitor sensors will be optional accessories, of course). It serves double duty by notifying people that you are sporting a butt plug and it allows cars to better see you while you are riding. Since it's attached to your ass, it will also enhance pedestrian safety. I am getting my DickStarter video and pithy pitch story together right now.

Based on Rep. Houghton's photo, he is clearly the sort of guy who enjoys a good butt plug now and then (Look at his eyes. He was cross eyed with pleasure from the feeling of sitting on his butt plug when the picture was taken.). S I am sure that he will agree to test and endorse my new butt plug/flag collabo.

Riley Smith said...

Who the heck is Ted K. anyways and why does he keep posting this crap?

Frickus Rungus said...

Soooo, if I'm riding a tall bike in Missouri, would I only need a regular sized flag? Maybe this guy is trying to promote tall bike use on rural highways? Probably not...
I have a suggested amendment for the bill: if you hit a cyclist with your car, and they were flying a 15 foot tall flag, the officer on the scene is required to shove the entire flag up the driver's a..

Kenny Banya said...

15 F***ing feet?!? mon Dieu!

Federico F. Fredriksen said...

Did that 15 foot flag rule mean it had to be 15 feet high when standing straight up, or could we still have gotten a ticket if the flag stick was bent slightly due to a slight breeze? Otherwise we may have had to go for a nice 20 foot stick on our bikes, and I draw the line at 18' 7".

Also, what's the point of having a neon orange flag sticking 10 feet above the eye level of most motorists? It certainly wouldn't have helped improved the visibility of cyclists, and drivers wouldn't even have gotten the joy of seeing our shame flags if that law had passed.

P. Bateman said...

oh, so you drink the cows milk but you too pussy to drink some actual cow?

you need to mooooove over and let a real man get some of that Beef Drink.

McFly said...

FFF,
Most motorists are looking down at their phones at about a 15-20 degree angle.

P. Bateman said...

most motorists are making a mistake.

by looking down you can't pretend its someone else when getting road head.

Ted K. said...

”Who the heck is Ted K. anyways and why does he keep posting this crap?”

Well, it started with the April 23, 2015 at 7:40 AM comment on this blog. Some of the articles Mr. Snob had linked to, about how much life in cities was better before cars, reminded of the essay “Industrial Society and Its Future”, and I thought quoting from if would add just as much to the discussion as the repeated PODIUM! and SCRANUS! comments.

As many people have stated here, you don’t have to read anything posted by Ted K.

Anonymous said...

Teddy Bear @ 256: "...PODIUM! and SCRANUS! comments." Hey, Ted, don't forget BLOW JOBS.

McFly said...

I had some road head on the schedule last Saturday and ended up getting wakey wakey morning head instead. I'm not complaining......just.....you know....road head....

Anonymous said...

Ms. Babble is MIA. Off on another adventure in socialized medicine? We hope not.

Al said...

Of course the H-zontal froggy fred is wearing a tri-onsie. Explains everything.

PotbellyJoe said...

I would rather cell phones within 50 feet of me be alerted that I am riding through than a 15' flag. At least then the driver would see it.

I can't imagine a world where Bicycle Cycling Weakly Monthly prints articles on how aero one 15' pole is over another and how the pennant style flag would save you 40 seconds over the square flag.

Bryan said...

Dammit Leroy, is your dog Ted K? Tell him to get back on the twitter and leave the comment section here to us humans

JLRB said...

FREK FLAG

JLRB said...

Road head lost its thrill after The World According to Garp

Anonymous said...

Ted K is a fucking troll, and like all trolls he is desperate for attention. He is a no talent, humorless, brainless parasite. Also he likes being insulted, because it is better than nothing. Because he is a total worthless Mr. nobody. So he posts his idiotic plagarism, because he is too brain dead to even say anything, and then says, well it is just as good as "Scanus". Which it isn't. Quoting a self loathing sado-masochist hypocrite mass murderer is just fucking stupid crap. But it gets a little attention. So that makes brain dead Ted happy. What a pathetic loser.

N/A said...

Ted K runs his tires at a sub-optimal pressure, too. But you ain't heard it from me.

1904 Cadardi said...

If you moved the Missouri/Iowa border five miles to the north you would double the IQ of both states. Just sayin'.

Freddy Murcks said...

N/A - I heard that Ted Kay doesn't even own a tire gauge. He just gives the tires a squeeze and goes with it if they feel right. He's obviously a total fucking psycho.

bad boy of the north said...

Freddy Murcks....you said...duty.

Grump said...

You little bit about that Bieber guy left me shocked.....Totally shocked.

For one thing, anyone who steps out in the road in front of a fast group ride should have been clocked by a full water bottle, straight in the kisser.

What left me even more shocked was the price of gas on the sign in the background.
$3.25!!!!!!!!!...WTF, Was this picture taken in Canada??? Today, as I drove past my favorite filling station, the posted price was $1.95.9. The entire filling station crew were standing there in their white uniforms, waiting to fill 'er up with ethyl, check my oil, and wash my windows......All with a smile.

bad boy of the north said...

Howse about a missouri law forcing shpping carts to have a flag on them,i don't know know about you but I've been nearly killed/maimed by other shopping cart pushers.

dop said...

Better than scranus. Harrumph.

Our Scranus, who art in Scranus, hallowed be thy Scranus, thy Scranus come, thy Scranus be done. Gives this Scranus, our daily Scranus. Forgive us our Scranus, as we forgive those who Scranus against us. Lead us not into Scranus, but deliver us from Scranus. One Scranus, under Scranus, with Liberty & Scranus for All

bad boy of the north said...

...and,obviously,there was a real missed opportunity having to do with mr.bieber.

Dooth said...

In Scranus we trust.

My freak flag hasn't been flown in YEARS. It's in storage. But I will fly it for a worthy cause.

P. Bateman said...

is there a Woohoo speed that will allow for time travel?

if i get an aero helmut, a tall hill, a 15 foot flag and catch a tailwind and actually hit 86mph will i be able to go back to the few weeks before christmas when all was quiet and i didnt want to beat clients with a big Ulock...or similar bluetooth enabled lock with social media sharing capability?

is that possible?

Scraus Maximus said...

Scranus the scranusing scranusers.

Scranus Maximus said...

Scranus Maximus, dammit!!!

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Ted K,
BOOBIES!

I just took down a drone with my 15 foot flag

Anonymous said...

Australia is an asshole.
I LOVED Bon Scott,and even HE wore those fucking shorts

Anonymous said...

Thank you Ted. I get what you are doing, and agree with you.

bikeeen said...

Grump,

That's the price of petrol in Californiey because it's a special formula. Apparently no other States use it.

It would be idlyllic except for the a--holes and mega-suv's that strafe you at 100kmh on PCH. Of course, the highway patrol blame you for being on the road. Tickets aplenty a couple of years ago for not riding the unpaved, rocky shoulder that's about a meter wide.

Anonymous said...

Why doesn’t the TROLL “Ted K” just scroll past the Podium and scranus comments, if he does’t like them? He doesn’t “have to read them”.

Take his own advice?

Anonymous said...

Bon may have been in an (over-rated) Aussie band, but he was no Aussie dammit!

BamaPhred said...

What happened to Australia? Many years ago when I was younger it was supposed to be cool. Now it's all bogans or anal fun destroyers.

Roille Figners said...

They're just following America's slide into fascism BamaPhred!

Tim McVeigh said...

No love for the unabomber? :(

P. Bateman said...

whoa!!

australia is trying to shut down the anal fun?

what ass holes. maybe that is why they want it stopped.

My Bike's Better Than Your Bike said...

If they were to make a carbon fibre flag pole with an elliptical shape to reduce drag and weight, then and only then, would I attach one to my ride.

Flagging Sanity said...

Hey MyBike. You neglected to consider the pendent. Should it br ridged or flexible? What would be the most aerodynamic shape and size? Here is whole new market just waiting to be tapped.

basith said...

thanks to artikel sob

David Pearce said...

Dear Snob,

Don't know why you have to be hatin' so much on my Beef Drink!

If Beef Drink ain't your cuppa, have some Chocomilk, man.

But don't be spreadin' your bad vibes about the Beef Drink, you dig?

Word up, and Out!

N/A said...

One of my favorite songs is by George Thorogood & The Destroyers: "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beef Drink".

babble on said...

Fridayyyyyy!! Wooooooooot! And of course, mother nature has a treat in store for those of us who plan to go for a long ride on a Saturday morning... yeah.

What happens after two days of rain? Monday.
Dat bitch.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I pledge allegiance to the scranus of the United States of Scranus, And to the scranus for which it stands one scranus under God, indivisible, with embrocation and comfort for all.

John Lee Hooker said...

"One of my favorite songs is by George Thorogood & The Destroyers: "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beef Drink"."

You should hear my version.

Rudy Toombs and Amos Milburn said...

Or our original.

P. Bateman said...

yo mutha' fucka' its lunch time! where is the gawd dang quiz?

get to crackin'!!

Lou Reed said...

"...where is the gawd dang quiz? "

First thing you learn is you have to wait.

P. Bateman said...

that sounds like rules to me. i don't play by the rulz.

Isaac Asimov said...

East cost lunch time posting, good time for humans to beet the bots.

Isaac Asimov said...

Spelling gets harder after you are dead.

dop said...

Babble: They're made out of meat

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