Monday, December 7, 2015

Today's post has been wind tunnel-tested.

It's Monday!

Yay!!!

Before anything else, the good people behind the "Yehuda Moon" comic strip (it's hand-curated by a team of artisans somewhere in Ohio) would like you to know that today's the last day of the Kickstarter campaign for Volume 6:



It's a perfect holiday gift for the fuzzy-faced retrogrouch in your life, though I can't say for sure whether or not my favorite strip made the cut:


Just kidding, "Yehuda Moon" is family-friendly (unless your family is offended by humor pointing fun at retrogrouches), and I made the above strip myself as an excuse to look at pornographic comics.

Speaking of retrogrouches, they will no doubt be horrified to learn that Brooks is now making a crabon-railed saddle, and I've just begun noodling around on mine:



As shocking as this development is, the retrogrouches shouldn't get their beards all in knots, because I highly doubt Brooks are going to stop slaughtering cows for your cycling comfort anytime soon.  This is merely their take on a modern racing saddle.  In fact, I have it on good authority that Eric "The Chamferer" Murray's exact words to management were "I either keep cutting leather or I cut you, take your pick:"




So you're safe for the time being.

Anyway, here's the new C13 being held aloft by my hairy forearm:


And here's that same image inverted so you can read the nameplate:




Yikes.  It makes me look like I have a creepy crabon hoof instead of a hand.

As for installation, I've never used a crabon-railed saddle before.  Therefore, I checked the accompanying literature for instructions, but all I found was this whimsical brochure:


Thanks, real helpful.

I needn't have worried though, because only installation issue was deciding on which of my eleventy billion bicycles to put it on, and I ultimately chose this one:


My reasoning was A) It's supposed to be a racing saddle and this is the closest thing I've got to a race bike; and 2) This is the only bike I have that has crabon anywhere else on it.

Anyway, I've only got two (2) short rides on the C13 so far, and most of them were spent tweaking the saddle position (it's got different dimensions from the Cambium C17 which has become my default bendy-bar bike saddle), but I think I've got it now so I'll report back once I've spent sufficient ass time on it.

Meanwhile, if you like Kickstarter and you like British stuff, you'll love the Alpini Minivelo:




If you've ever longed for a bicycle with the clownish appearance and tiny wheels of a Brompton but without the ability to fold, this is clearly the bicycle for you:


Just make sure you always use a mini u-lock with it--and make sure when you do you carry the right key:


This is a story about bike theft that’s not really about bike theft at all.

It started yesterday morning when I saw a tweet showing a photo of two suspicious men waltzing calmly down East Burnside with a bike and pair of bolt-cutters.

BikePortland published the above story last Friday, and I sincerely enjoyed it, because it addressed the dangers of making assumptions about people.  However, I was subsequently disappointed to find that something like half of the commenters missed the point of the story altogether and focussed entirely on trying to shame the author for not throwing away the cut u-lock:


“I just didn’t want to deal with it” speaks volumes. And already eight people who “like” your comment. Discouraging as heck. Kind of like the motorists who can’t be bothered to find a legal drop off spot and stop in the bike lane.

Discouraging indeed.  Speaks volumes about the dangers of terminal smugness.  It's sort of like looking at this picture and focussing on the lack of helme(n)t instead of the fact that THE KID'S ABOUT TO CHOKE TO DEATH:

A photo posted by willyparty (@willyparty) on



Thanks to Klaus of Alpes and Andes for alerting me to that image, by the way.  It is truly sublime, and I'm having a print made for my living room.

Lastly, via the Twitter, here's one of the greatest Fred videos you're likely to see this year:


Huge fenders might keep your backside clean, but they can't protect you from the shame.




79 comments:

Happy Unicorn said...

Cliff notes: No one is curious about anything, ever, outside the bounds of their "surrogate activity."

Ted K. said...

THE MOTIVES OF SCIENTISTS
87. Science and technology provide the most important examples of surrogate activities. Some scientists claim that they are motivated by “curiosity” or by a desire to “benefit humanity.” But it is easy to see that neither of these can be the principal motive of most scientists. As for “curiosity,” that notion is simply absurd. Most scientists work on highly specialized problems that are not the object of any normal curiosity. For example, is an astronomer, a mathematician or an entomologist curious about the properties of isopropyltrimethylmethane? Of course not. Only a chemist is curious about such a thing, and he is curious about it only because chemistry is his surrogate activity. Is the chemist curious about the appropriate classification of a new species of beetle? No. That question is of interest only to the entomologist, and he is interested in it only because entomology is his surrogate activity. If the chemist and the entomologist had to exert themselves seriously to obtain the physical necessities, and if that effort exercised their abilities in an interesting way but in some nonscientific pursuit, then they wouldn’t give a damn about isopropyltrimethylmethane or the classification of beetles. Suppose that lack of funds for postgraduate education had led the chemist to become an insurance broker instead of a chemist. In that case he would have been very interested in insurance matters but would have cared nothing about isopropyltrimethylmethane. In any case it is not normal to put into the satisfaction of mere curiosity the amount of time and effort that scientists put into their work. The “curiosity” explanation for the scientists’ motive just doesn’t stand up.

Anonymous said...

Another balmy day in NH...
Hello fellow BSNYC friends!

Anonymous said...

Top taint

P. Bateman said...

shouldn't the parent be on the bike and the kid be in front pulling?

mush! mush! mush damn you!

P. Bateman said...

didnt realize that C13 has carbon rails.

not to be a total luddite like TedK....but are you a little bit worried about their structural integrity? just seems like a scary place to have carbon.

though i guess if it did break you'd just wind up with a wobbly saddle so maybe it isn't some anus busting trap in the making.

N/A said...

WCRM has a creepy crabon fibre hoof .

Anonymous said...

top ten!!!!!!!!!! yassss

N/A said...

I entered to be a tester of the C13, and now that I know it has crabon rails, I am not so bummed-out that I wasn't selected. I would splinter that Fuck-O like nobody's business.

Anonymous said...

Present!

cycle

wishiwasmerckx said...

So who is hotter, Kara Goucher or Pauline Ferrard-Prevot?

Anonymous said...

07 December 1941. Pearl Harbor! United States Navy!!!! The beginning…

BikeSnobNYC said...

P. Bateman,

I was worried about clamping it (as with any crabon component), but I'm not worried about riding it.

--Wildcat Etc.

P. Bateman said...

it does look pretty slick. i'll give it that much fo' sho'.

damn. i'm mildy interested now.

unfortunately i assume santa saw what i was doing this past weekend so definitely just getting coal.

N/A said...

Did it just clamp-up normally, or did you have to use that carbon clamping gritty goop?



The c17 may be my favorite saddle of all times. I've rubbed tons of ass into mine.

Freddy Murcks said...

I recently started following Mr. Bike Slob on the Twitter thingy - I don't really understand Twitter, but whatever. Anyway, it's kinda neat because it's like a get a preview on the things that are going to end on this here blov, but it's kinda disappointing because I have already read most everything by the time it ends up here. And that, friends, is a nutshell description of what the kids these days call 'first world problems.'

dop said...

Questions about Carbon Structural Integrity?

Freddy Murcks said...

WIWM - I am going to vote for Ferrand-Prevot. She's stupid hot, and, with her French accent, she could probably read from a dermatology text book and make it sound sexy.

BikeSnobNYC said...

N/A,

The rails are wrapped in grippy tape so I just clamped up normally.

Yeah, I adore the C17.

--Wildcat Etc.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

Oh, I'm curious about HORS DONG

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

In the 20s...

vsk

bad boy of the north said...

yep,get to read Yehuda in bicycle x.was in mystic ct. over the weekend.saw a number of fredly types enjoying the relatively warmish weather.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

crab on crab off
I will take crabs however I can get them.

Mr. Pedantic said...

The saddle could be higher on that stainless snob.

P. Bateman said...

@dorothy - you might be interested in this

http://nypost.com/2015/11/27/people-having-sex-with-horses-is-on-the-rise-in-switzerland/

mike said...

Yeah!Total descent into sponsored hypocrisy well handled,Snob.Sarcastically rigid yet corporately compliant.

Hee Haw the Barista's mom said...

What ... you have a problem with kids on leashes?

Captain Obvious said...

Mike - Learn to punctuate, you Fuck-O. It will make your rants slightly less incoherent.

dnk said...

Happy Unicorn: right on!

JLRB said...

P Bate @10:51 - brilliant - made me picture Snob with his 17 children riding off like Santa

JLRB said...

DOP @ 11:18 - Just beat it

Anonymous said...

Ted K is a brain dead monkey whose only real goals are eatin', sleepin', and spankin' the monkey, when he can even find it....

dcee604 said...

Alpini Minivelo? Ha! I already have a 20" folding size bike that doesn't fold! A Cannondale Hooligan.

Anonymous said...

What kind of fork is that Snob? Oooooh, Envy!!! I'm far less worried about your son's saddle height than to see riding rhe Rapha of aftermarket forks... Carbon seatpost for $275 next?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:04pm,

Is it an "aftermarket" fork if it came on the bike? (Ironically I actually considered an "aftermarket" steel fork.)

No crabon seatpost for this bike. Metal goes in metal, crabon goes in crabon. Simplest way to avoid seizing/slippage issues. (When I rode a crabon bike I used a crabon post.)

--Wildcat And So Forth

Regular guy said...

Winning the prime, losing the race. What was the purpose of the "flatulence dispersal" hand signal at the start of the video?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Regular Guy,

Signaling to riders behind him to go around the parked car.

--Wildcat Group Ride Machine

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

my dog's name is horse

Anonymous said...

Never thought I'd see cranbon seat rails, from Brooks no less. Kewl. As a professional large ass I would hesitate. I bend steel rails regularly...maybe I should put more weight on the pedals...I think it's called "pedaling"...but fuck that.


(235 lbs american...that's like 940 quarter pounders with cheese)

Mario Cipollini said...

Dorothy - My dong's name is Horse. Maybe we should meet up.

DB said...

Where's Mikeweb?
Haven't heard from him in awhile.
Someone go check on him.

BOOR RUBE said...

"unless your family is offended by humor pointing fun at retrogrouches"

What kind of mortar does on use for humor pointing?
And humor pointing doesn't seem all that fun to me.

Poking?
Don't let that Rick guy point that humor at me. It's rude to point!

Anonymous said...

I'm guessing Brooks will charge something like $399 for the carbon saddle, judging from the $300+ price for titanium rails. What a bargain! Thanks Brooks!

NHcycler said...

BOOR RUBE said:

"What kind of mortar does on use for humor pointing?
And humor pointing doesn't seem all that fun to me."

Not even Yoda could make sense of that!

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 1:55pm,

Or, you know, you could just buy a Brooks with steel rails...

--Wildcat Rock Machine

N/A said...

Corporate shill!

BamaPhred said...

Nice C15 write up. I wondered what the hub bub was about. Jeez, a guy can't even field test an ass perch anymore without catching hate email.
Ok Spokey's, I'll see your laundry and raise you a load of dishes washed, dried, and put away.

BikeSnobNYC said...

N/A,

It's true, quite a list of heartless multi-national corporations I've got over there in the right-hand margin!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

DesperatelySeekingDorothyRabinowitz said...

HORS DONG

I keep sending the Dot Signal

You're so cruel

Yoda said...

Humor pointing is refreshing the transition between attempts at humor, it is.
The aero version would tuck pointing.

JLRB said...

...the burn in your legs, the pat on your back, the drugs in your viens

Happy Unicorn said...

Ted K: "What motivates you to do science?"

Astronomer: "I'd have to say it was mostly curiosity."

Tek K: "No it isn't. That's absurd."

Astronomer: "Oh is that so?"

Ted K: "Yes. I'll prove it. Are you curious about the properties of isopropyltrimethylmethane?"

Astronomer: "Yeah, what are they?"

Ted K: "La la la la la, we cannot hear that which does not support our conclusion."

Astronomer: "No seriously, because I think you might've made that chemical up."

Ted K: "LA LA LA, WE CANNOT HEAR THAT WHICH DOES NOT SUPPORT OUR CONCLUSION!!!"

P. Bateman said...

speaking of heartless multinationals.... i just used the SNOB house ad for all the snob swag and was looking at your hats.

did you ever do one that had the Seal of Dissaproval on it?

i thought maybe you did at one time?

leroy said...

Dear Mr. N/A -

My dog thinks the right banner subliminal advertising on Mr. BSNYC's website is pretty powerful stuff.

This morning, I rode a Milwaukee bike with a Brooks saddle while wearing a Walz cap.

My dog may have a point. I mean, you never really know what your subconscious is up to, right?

He says I sent him a text about the new bike yesterday, but I don't remember that. Must have been my subconscious.

He also mentioned something about the other banner ads and that it was a shame I didn't drink coffee or read.

I'm not sure what he meant by that.

I drink coffee.

JLRB said...

This just in: Wind Tunnel Test blows

JLRB said...

Leroy - Nice bridge photo, and of course, great way to make the most of getting your bike stolen - sweet ride

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...re. bike theft and the story in portland,

...this past weekend i did the same thing. four years ago i had built a really nice shitty bike for the (now ex) missus... she used it one or two seasons during which time I'd keep the bike in working order, then we separated... and she had the bike locked on my daily path going home and left it there--I assume because it had a flat. Well, there the bike sat for at least three years. Not a single person touched the thing... and I should know because I saw the damn thing almost daily. I saw it start to decay, the leather saddle warped up until it looked like a cow turd, the wheels started rusting, a car eventually hit the front wheel, the fenders were bent...

...then last week I decided I had had enough of looking at it. It was like the ex-missus was slapping me in the face daily. And part of me was lamenting the decay of a perfectly good city bike. So I borrowed the neighbor's cordless hand drill, bought a disk grinder for it, and went to work after buying coffee from across the street. I wore nice clothes so I don't look suspicious, I took my time so it doesn't look like I was in a hurry, and had a whole story lined up to tell anyone who would inquire. but, as wildcat has repeatedly pointed out, this is NYC, no one gives a shit what you're doing to or with a bike. Not a single comment in the 10min it took me to cut through the rusted U-lock.

I took the bike home, and really enjoyed dismantling it until all I had was the rusted bare frame.

Sometimes it's those small acts that give you the most pleasure...

...also, I can totally be a professional thief now. I don't fit the profile of a bike thief and I can tell a good story.

JLRB said...

And PBaterman - The Seal-'O-Dis appears on the underside of the bill on the woo hoo hoo hoo 46 style hat - if you see soemthing of which you disapprove whilest wearing the hat you can flip the brim up - my wife has not yet caught on

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Snob, as a serial retrogrouch, I am horrified that you condone putting your ass cheeks on tiny carbon rails. my brooks leather saddle is stuck in the knots of my beard right now after I went close to make sure that it's not in threat of combusting from the news.

do crabon fribe splinters come out of ass cheeks easily?

bad boy of the north said...

mr.leroy.nice photo of your new wheels.enjoy,though your dog might get jealous of you breaking it in,unless he goes with you for the ride.

Roille Figners said...

That really is a perfect story SR. Not least because you got to rescind a gift to the ungrateful, AND, clear away old reminders.

N/A said...

Leroy, your dog's owner has a pretty sweet new bike.
This Wildcat fella' has some pretty powerful voodoo going on. Here we all are with our Brooks saddles and proof-hided scranuses, and just this past weekend I was on the Amazon looking at that guy's books for my wishlist.

Anonymous said...

Voted most likely to sell male enhancement on-line

mike said...

Umm,I,m using a Japanese keyboard,Cap,n Obvs,which praps makes my anti-corporate comments,not rant,no block capitals mark you,even more commendable. Mayhap you,re Eric,s preferred chamferee?
Noone said Happy Hannukah yet?

babble on said...

Happy Hannukah one and all. Um, and if you've never had seventeen children, you are probably unaware of how much they eat. You're obliged to feed em once you own em, and if you're doing it by promoting people riding bicycles in style? Well, kudos to you.

BamaPhred said...

Love the new bike Leroy. I guess I'll have to wait till mine gets stolen. Or maybe it gets left behind spousal units car and she backs over it. Thanks for listening. Now I have a plan.

bieks said...

I feel like I'm (we're?) missing out on the funniest portion of today's post. Can't read your favourite Yehuda comic. Resolution's too low. Looks vaguely familiar. Cameo from the racy Indian comic?

dop said...

I never gave my ex missus a bike*, but about 6 years after the divorce, I noticed a couple of times that she was stalking me on my walk home. I didn't say anything to her, though I thought she looked like hell. Anyway, 2 weeks later her sister called me to tell me she had died of esophageal cancer.

*OK, I said yes to the purchase of a Schwinn Breeze from the sally ann**.

**Salvation Army

Stinky Cat Food said...

that guy going past the speed camera musta been Angry Kid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5yHIihvExQ

P. Bateman said...

http://jalopnik.com/florida-driver-receiving-road-head-kills-cyclist-deput-1746667168

bcstractor said...

How is that "min-velo" anything new? I have Japanese bicycle catalog and ti shows, probably, dozens of different bikes like that.

Anonymous said...

Why must you be such an angry young man when your future looks so

Dooth said...

On the rivet...ouch!

Holy Roller said...

The Ark of the Covenant was to be 2 1/2 cubits in length. 1 1/2 in breadth, and 1 1/2 in height. Sometimes I wonder, what if the ring staves of shittim-wood were replaced with carbon fiber staves, would the Levite carriers of the Ark have posted better Strava segments?

Happy Unicorn said...

emptah

Anonymous said...

Original comic in its full resolution here: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_wb8bAl1P-N0/TRDPS1sSjNI/AAAAAAAASOc/5hjxOm7edt4/s1600/dirty%2Byahuda.jpg

Anonymous said...

Leaving aside the fact that it looks like a clown bike, you've got to hand it to Alpini for curating a bike with a hi-ten steel frame and no gears that retails for 590 bucks.
And by "you've got to hand it to Alpini" I mean "we must find these people in the street and mug them".

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