Monday, December 14, 2015

Taking Your Toys And Going Home

Well, it's the end of an error, as Russian businessman and international racist Oleg Tinkov announced his exeunt from cycling:

Which he did with his usual tact:

“But if nobody else cares about the future of the sport, then why should I care? F*ck all of them! That’s my personal reason why I want to leave professional cycling. From January 2017, I’m gone. I’m out of cycling. I’ll jump on my jet, fly home and focus on my business interests and enjoying my life. Everyone who is left in cycling will be the ones who will be in the shit. They will have to try to survive year by year, trying to convince sponsors to back a sport that isn’t sustainable.”

You have to give it to him, that's a pretty awesome farewell, and I'm looking forward to the announcement that he and Donald Trump will be forming a new cycling league in 2017:

Tinkov also offered a succinct analysis of the UCI:

Tinkov also pointed the finger at the UCI for failing to change the structure of professional cycling, dismissing their recently announced plans to give three-year licences to teams from 2017.

“The UCI are stupid guys,” he said dismissively.

Anyway, he does have some good points, but there's no way cycling will ever abandon its current sponsorship model.  If they did then how would these teams change names and sponsors after every doping scandal?  It's the only reason people are able to forget that Tinkov's team is basically this one:

Meanwhile, here in New York City, Vision Zero is working great--just as long as you're the mayor and you have your own personal security detail:

Hizzoner spotted a truck driver in Brooklyn run a red light and drive the wrong way down the block on Wednesday, so he had his detail pull the unlucky guy over, sources said.

The detail, who had been sitting in the black SUV they use to drive the mayor around, quickly discovered the man had no registration on the truck and wasn’t licensed to be behind the wheel of such a large vehicle, sources said.

So like every other truck driver in New York City, basically.

Franky Matarrese was hit with 13 violations — including driving the wrong way on a two-way street, running a red light, and being unqualified to operate a vehicle for driving with an out-of-class license.

He was also hit with failure to yield to a pedestrian — presumably the mayor who was in the crosswalk when the man ran the red light.

As for the driver, he defended himself thusly:

“I didn't do anything bad,” the man said.

And inasmuch as everything he did is typical of a New York City driver, I'm quite sure he actually believes that.

He also added further analysis:

“It's f-----g stupid,” he said.

He added, "The mayor is an a-----e."

Wow.  He must work for Tinkov Trucking Systems.

But while the rest of us New Yorkers may not be basking in sweet, sweet Vision Zero justice, we are at least enjoying unseasonable warmth, and I took advantage by setting out astride my Brooks Cambium C13:

My first couple of outings on it were relatively short and involved frequent stops for position tweaking and adjustment.  (I also tweaked and adjusted the saddle, ba-dum-dum.)  This time though I started out with the saddle exactly where I wanted it, and after five-ish hours of riding I found it quite comfortable and had no complaints.  It is smaller and firmer than the C17 that has been my default choice for bikes with bendy bars, but not uncomfortably so, and it's well suited to a race bike (or in my case an I-used-to-race-years-ago-but-still-have-Fredly-tendencies bike).

So there you go.

Lastly, Denise Mueller wants to be the World's Fastest Frederica:

I'm on the edge of my seat...where I'm about to take a nap on the fold-out tray in front of me.


Spokey said...


yellow podi

Ted K. said...

92. Thus science marches on blindly, without regard to the real welfare of the human race or to any other standard, obedient only to the psychological needs of the scientists and of the government officials and corporation executives who provide the funds for research.

ken e. said...

yo pode!

McFly said...

Those kits are pretty busy.

P. Bateman said...

podi-yummy bear.

Anonymous said...


Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

I wipe from back to front

N/A said...

Snobby bought the whole seat, BUT HE ONLY NEEDED THE EDGE!

dop said...

So, can I take Exeunt 23 on the Saw Mill for Tarrytown?

Roille Figners said...

Is this part of the new once-daily Brooks content? Well it sure beats putting a knife up your ass or whatever that Brunelle feller does.

Anonymous said...

Ted K makes it worse everyday

Anonymous said...

Top Ten if Ted K doesn't count!

Anonymous said...

Ted K., you suck

Dave said...

Heroic tea-bagger truck driver - he don't need no stinkin' license. One-way street? Tschaa! Your mother smelt of lithium ball-bearing grease, so-called Mayor!

Matt BK said...

Pod race

Matt BK said...

Pod race

McFly said...

I like the way that seat bag is nice-n-tucked. A new guy hit the trails with us yesterday and his was loose and dangling like the sac of a 70 year old grandpa. I had to avert my eyes.

Anonymous said...

Vision Zero - was always about the mayor not getting run over.


Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

which one of you milksops wants to make me pant like Denise Mueller?

Roille Figners said...

Mr. Anonymous, I'll see if I can get the TedK-making-fun-of bot back in order. Any time I'm watching, of course it works perfectly.

-- any time I'm watching -- it works perfectly --

Lt. Columbo stares off into space, touching his forehead, suddenly claps his hands and walks quickly away.

Anonymous said...

Friends are like ass-cheeks: every so often some shit gets between them, but they always work it out in the end.

Fausto said...

Accelerator/ brake confusion. Can't believe the car didn't land on a cyclist - it's a Christmas miracle.

JB said...

I've always wanted to ask why the NYC mayor is called "hizzoner," but my google searching is brokening.

I like how the truck driver is referred to as "Franky," as if that is on his driver's license. Wait, is it? Does he even have a license?

It's good to see Lita Ford back in the news. But why should I investing in a bikecycle going very fast behind a vehicle? This will help me/humanity how?

Sincerely, Ted K. Scranus

Richard Breaks said...

Hey Ted K. You look hungry. Go eat a bag of dicks, you slimy fuckface.

CommieCanuck said...

Isn't "fuck all of them" the reason for quitting anything?

Bjarne said...

Tyler is a twerp

Richard Breaks said...

Ted K. - You act like your pseudo-philosophical manifesto actually means something, but you're nothing but a cowardly letter bomber. In fact, I have it on good authority that when they put you in and they booked you, you was crying like a pussy.

Anonymous said...

Denise is carrying around at least an additional 10kg of sweater meat. If she were really committed to eeking out every last mph, she'd get a top job.

Thorns said...

Nice catch from the time machine with the Donald. What did not come out in that interview is that he did not put one dime into the race. He did provide a guarantee to Billy Packer and Mike Plant who created the event that he would cover any losses in exchange for the naming. And I think, but can't swear, that he limited the guarantee to $75,000. Tinkoff, though, does spend actual money

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Leased a seat on the subway that I do not own.


Freddy Murcks said...

Tinkoff spends actual money on the best doping program that the former Soviet bloc can provide. The VeloSnooze and CyclingSnooze have been publishing editorials that would lead one to believe that we should all be sad that Tinkoff failed to remake cycling in his own image and that, as a result, he is leaving, but I say he can take his money and his goddamned doped up riders and go to hell.

JB said...

Good point, CC.

dop said...


Tyler may be a twerp, but Twyla is a Tharp.

NHcycler said...

Franky Matarrese was hit with 13 violations — including driving the wrong way on a two-way street, running a red light, and being unqualified to operate a vehicle for driving with an "out-of-class license."

Not sure how one can drive "the wrong way on a two-way street." Did they mean in the wrong lane? Or perhaps perpendicular to the lanes? Or on the sidewalk? Or maybe I'm just an ignorant country boy...

NHcycler said...

That entire first sentence was supposed to be in quotes.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

Well this is a coincidence. I too went for a five hour-ish bike ride yesterday.

But I went up the west side of the Hudson.

So did hundreds of others.

I tested out my new internal steel upgrades. They work really well, even though my dog disputes that the accompanying medical ID card is a special parking permit authorizing me on sit on his wheel all day.

I pointed out that he never really mastered the concepts of "sit" and "stay."

And I think he's just offended I was whistling Frank Zappa's "Dog Breath" on the way home.

Roille Figners said...

He had me at "fuck all of them" but then lost me at "I’ll jump on my jet."

mnhehhh mllleehhhh, "I'll jump on my jeeeet, I'll jump on my jeeeeet"

ChamoisJuice said...

LOL, you are a total Bikesnob homer. Nearly identical bike and seat, BSNYC hat, and so on.
If you want to get truly authentic replica:
-lose the bike computer. You already know you suck
-Longer stem
-wrap your bartape backwards

bad boy of the north said...

congrats on you getting well enough to go for a longish ride.
here's to even longer ones!

BikeSnobNYC said...


Still cooler than being obsessed with a blogger who thinks you're an idiot.

Hey, someone on Reddit needs advice on which mail order fixie to buy, you should get on that.

--Wildcat Etc.

Fuck You said...

Hey CJ - eat a bag of dicks and then go fuck yourself.

Anonymous said...

CJ, you're oblivious to this fact, which is obvious to others: your basic setup is wrong.

DB said...

There will be no bad-mouthing Leroy.
He and his dog are BSNYC royalty.

Roille Figners said...

Yes what is this "hizzoner" of which they speak? Is it like "prisoner?" Like, "You were convicted and sent to hizzon?"

Oh I jest, I joke. Chortle chortle. But no, anybody who writes "hizzoner" in a headline, and it currently happens to be later than 1965, needs to be slapped silly. Which, luckily for them, shouldn't require much slapping, because they are already pretty silly.

ChamoisJuice said...

Nah, I'd rather commentard on President Obama vs. Secretary of State Kerry's bike set ups and riding outfits.
Bike issues:
-tires not lined up with the valve stems
-white saddle
-orange and yellow look hideous together.

His outfit is the greater issue. Long sleeves go over the short sleeves. White socks/black tights no go. Helmet straps need adjustment. That's mostly it as far as roadie style diktats go. The larger issue is that old men look fucking ridiculous in spandex. Just wear normal clothes!

Bike is a mess:
-stupid crabon short travel full expension 26" wheel bike. worthless
-handlebar cable cluster of remote shock lockouts
-fork is waaay too soft, looks nearly bottomed out jra
-bigger, more aggressive tire on the rear, than the front. Doing it wrong! That kenda is also backwards.
-ergon grips are backwards

On the other hand, Obama's outfit looks quite smart. He could go get a cup of coffee and not embarrass himself. Helmet straps are even adjusted properly.

I fail to see what your issue is with more inexpensive, functional city bikes in the world. In my mind, cheaper bike = lower barrier to entry for cycling = more people on bikes on the road = better infrastructure for all cyclists. I also think that people with less money are more creative when it comes to style and fashion. More broke kids on bikes = cycling is more fashionable, less associated with old uptight gapers.

BikeSnobNYC said...


Your commentary here has nothing to do with inexoensive, functional bikes and everything to do with bullshit about dropper posts, stuff you read five minutes ago on the Park Tools website, and insight about NYC you somehow gained while living in Rockland.

You don't know much about road bikes in particular, but I don't doubt you are equipped to tell a college student which mail order fixie to buy, which is why I suggested you stick to it.

--Wildcat Etc.

Anonymous said...

I had the sound off and for a moment I thought the video had something to do with a collaboration between Lucas Brunelle and Sammy Hagar.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

His mother should wash his mouth out with Clenbuterol.

bieks said...

What?! No more Banko Bank? That's it, I can't even bother to make fun of professional cycling anymore. Well, unless I get spoonfed material from this blog. I'm back.

DB said...

New Yorkers:
I'm excited about +Pool NY.
Ready to swim the East River swimming pool.
Hopefully, won't need to take ciprofloxicin afterwards.

babble on said...

Heh heh End of an Error indeed... you always make me laugh, snobberdoodums. :)

And speaking of chuckles... Commie!! Oh yay! More BSNYC royalty... You, sir, were well and truly missed. We sent out a search party, y'know, but they all got lost in Manitoba, and now there's a search party out looking for the search party.

Good to see you again, too, Mr Bieks.

And it's wonderful to see that you're back up to speed, Leroy! This IS a good Monday. Even the weather agrees. The monsoons have abated for a day or two, and the sun even made a brief appearance. What more could a girl ask for?

Anonymous said...

I'd rather read CC than CJ any day of the week.

And speaking of Iditarodville, Oh where oh where, can my Babble be. Has the RCMP took her away from commenting to me.

Anonymous said...

What does it say on her chest "Mytro", what's a Mytro?

leroy said...

Dear Mr. CJ --

The photo linked in my comment @ 3:55 was taken yesterday in a well-known stop in Nyack.

I've been there before. Maybe you know it.

I was riding a carbon bike, not the new steel commuter, and but for the hat, I was sporting a full Fat Cyclist kit. (Trust me, you would have been horrified.)

I've been following Mr. BSNYC long enough to trust his judgment in bikes. I sought his advice and it was spot on.

I really like the new steel bike. And in the end, that's what counts.

As for the computer, well of course I know my abilities. I've used a computer for years because it's fun. And that too is what counts.

But until very recently, I've never used a heart monitor function on a computer.

If you were to zoom in on the card in the photo linked in my comment, use a little intuition (or Google), the reason would be obvious.

Seven weeks ago, I faced the possibility that I might not ride again.

Fortunately, that didn't happen. I really, really like riding.

So yesterday, I was really, really happy just to be able to go out for 70 miles on a nice day.

You know what? I'm still happy.

Now do you really think any silly critique of yours could possibly matter to me or put even the smallest dent in my joy?

Honestly, rookie, you've a lot to learn.

And not just about bikes.

DB said...

COD, Leroy, 7:25.
Happy trails to you, Sir.

ink said...

Leroy! Glad to hear the plumber patched things up so well for you. Congrats on the 70 mile ride. I always love your comments here.

urchin said...

Can't believe I'm the first person to nit-pick this, but:
'exeunt' is plural. So Oleg and his team can have an exeunt, but Oleg can't.
Now, Robs Fords is entitled to an exeunt, but you taught me that one.

CC may be the only name I still recognize on here--hey old fella!


Dooth said...

Fuck Oleg. The BSNYC cycling team will take his spot.

dnk said...

Oops that was dnk not "ink". Autocorrect should be banished from the comment board.

Happy Unicorn said...


Happy Unicorn said...

try again

Happy Unicorn said...

Does it work?

Anonymous said...

@TedK slayer: it works!

Anonymous said...

A similar thing happened to our ex-head-primate, Tony Abbott

"A woman motorist blasting her horn at a group of cyclists near Lake Burley Griffin on Wednesday morning picked the wrong people at the wrong time for a heated outburst of road rage.

"Among the committed cyclists at the receiving end of her long, angry blast was former Prime Minister Tony Abbott, who had no trouble flagging down a nearby Australian Federal Police car who promptly pulled over the cranky horn-blower.

Holy Roller said...

Sometimes I wonder, if one were to refer to Jesus Christ as Christ Jesus, then his initials would be CJ, then I stop wondering and self-flagellate.

Old timer said...

California Christmas! Gotta love it! Coffee cafes playin’ traditional holiday music: “Frosty the Snowman”, etc. Outside, Sunny and warm; not a snowman in sight. (Not T-shirt warm, but no bundling up necessary.) Always sweet bike riding climate! Festive Christmas decorations all around the neighborhoods. Just a really nice time to be cycling!

P. Bateman said...

holiday in handcuffs.

a terrible yet somehow charming holiday film. just fyi.

Red Hed Fred said...

Aero Helmet + Unsecured Curly Locks = Land Speed Record?

dop said...

Nice post Leroy. That was a cool ride.

Buying a Milwaukee... I would feel like a groupie, but you broke the ice & it seems normal. I'd love a bike from Paramount, but I may only have one more bike in me (I was 40 when I got the el/os casati 20 years ago)and crabon beckons as Ti once beckoned & I bought steel anyway..

How do you buy a bike online anyway? How high the stem? Do you cut the post yourself? What's the deal with that?

BamaPhred said...

Dear Leroy. Glad you survived your ride. I too recently acquired a heart monitor/chest strap. Now if I could only get the darn thing to quit laughing when I look at my heart rate results.

ChamoisJuice said...


Of course I know the Runcible Spoon. I actually had a summer job there, and was where I first started to develop my deep seated hatred of NYC-area roadies. If you have ever been in line behind 20-30 anal retentive roadies for half an hour, who wait until they get to the front of the line to decide what poofter coffee drink they want, you may understand where I'm coming from.

I am glad that you can still ride bikes. That thing seems a little too fancy to lock up as a commuter, but hey, if you can afford to lose it, have fun.


No. I first started learning about road bikes/ developed my disdain for NYC area roadies about 20 years ago, when I worked at a high end road shop; with campy frame alignment table, phil spoke cutter, serotta fit kit, etc, etc. At one point, I was THE GUY who convinced middle aged dentists deliberating between a 54 and 56 which way to go. I actually know quite a bit of high end road bike trivia and minutiae.... as well as all kinds of bike mechanic tricks.

That is where I learned to wrap bars "properly". I will go ahead and share the proper finishing tape job, cuz I can't find it anywhere on the internets:
-before you finish wrapping bar tape, wrap electric tape around the bar where you want it to end, and leave the roll hanging. Wrap bar tape over electric tape. Then wrap electric tape around bar tape. Cut bar tape flush with electric tape with razor. Wrap one more time with electric tape to cover exposed edge. Tear off tape, so the edge is on the bottom. Nice and clean.

Anyways.... one of my main beefs with roadies and road racing, is how tradition bound it is, and how long it takes for superior ideas and technology to catch on. Whether you are talking clinchers, indexed shifting, threadless headsets, cassette wheels, compact bars that play nice with brifters; roadies are more concerned with how the bike is "supposed" to look, than how it works. Geometry is the big idea that has improved significantly in MTB's and to some degree cyclocross. Longer reach frames, paired with shorter reach stems = same fit, with vastly more stable handling.

I hardly ever talk about dropper posts... though do think the only haters on them, are those that haven't tried them, or just the plain old curmudgeonly retro grouch types, that think suspension is useless, indexed shifting is for pansies, quill stems superior to threadless, and so on.
I feel like I mostly I hate on goofy bike set ups in general, but your's in particular, rant about cat 6 race of life, confess about sexual transgressions, and in general harass roadies.

Spokey said...

agreed Leroy @7:25 COD

except for

Honestly, rookie, you've a lot to learn.

should be

Honestly, grasshopper, you've a lot to learn.

Anonymous said...

the funniest part of all the millions that tinkov has spent is the six mill he gave to bjarne for the team. bjarne can now get it back for nothing. yes, oleg, go back to watching out for your business interests. honestly, rookie, you've a lot to learn....

Ryan Kelley said...

Either I have never bothered to read all the comments or there is a lot of anger today.

Matt said...

Skip Ted K and Chamois Juice and it goes a lot quicker. I got off Facebook because so many of the high school people I initially thought it was cool to reconnect with were annoying and frequent posters, like CJ. Turns out I hadn't missed them that much. Best to skip 'em, let them yell into an empty room and marinate in their self-satisfaction.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

Whoa, CJ spanked by Leroy and Holy Roller on the same day? That boy does know how to rub people wrong. Next he will get bitten by Leroy's dog.

Spokey said...


Leroy's dog couldn't afford the mouthwash

JB said...

CJ, Obama's bike doesn't have backwards Ergons. It's got small bar ends.

CJ wrote: "roadies are more concerned with how the bike is 'supposed' to look, than how it works." Pot, kettle, etc?

Serious question: How can you leave the electrical tape hanging, and then wrap the bar tape over it? Do you have to wrap the bar tape and the electrical tape together for a bit, then cut the bar tape, then continue wrapping the electrical tape to finish it off? Sounds kind of slick, but I'm not sure of the benefit of the "underwrapping."

JLRB said...

Responding to a troll is like feeding a stray dog

That woman's world speed video isn't the first time a woman has used deep heavy breathing sounds to try to raise money

Spokey said...

i'm guessing there are more like moi. just piling on for the fun of it.

never actually read anything ted or cj post. well occasionally i do accidentally (really an accident not a crash) start reading one of them. but they usually are so long winded that i notice that and my attention knows i'd never be able slog through it anyway.

leroy said...

dop -- contact Ben's Cycle via phone or email. It was easy to figure out sizing.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Old what's-his-name from Specialized must not have seen Denise's speed record video yet. I bet when he gets a load of the big red "S" in her Project Speed logo the lawsuit will drop.

Anonymous said...

WRM, Snobsters...
May I adress y'all and request that "we" start giving out a yearly award to the personality that has done more in the last year to ridicule urban cycling and/or ridicule that 'sport' (er, road cycling) which isn't sustainable, though it is highly profitable for some?
Consider it the Razzies of cycling.
TY for reading, and may the oil of Cipollini anoint all of you.

bad boy of the north said...

i say call it the "chammies".

basith said...

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