Well, that's it, after today's post the store is closed for the holidays, and I'll see you back here on Monday, January 4th, 2016 with regular updates.
(Though between now and then you should probably also expect a post from me on The Brooks Blog, and I'll post a notice here when that happens.)
Hey, if it were up to me I'd keep blogging straight through. However, if I don't give the staff a break they start getting sloppy. Especailly with the poorfreading.
As for 2016, you can rest assured it's brimming with promise like Mario Cipollini's bib shorts. Not only will I be foisting another book upon the world, but I hear they're also going to be running another one of these "Tour de France" things. (I guess the concept's catching on.) Plus it's an election year, which means as always I'll be filling out a Canadian Citizen Application Form and keeping it ready just in case:
Maybe I'll even get to ride with the Head Fred himself:
In the meantime, I'm pleased to present you with a sweeping year-end final examination featuring one question for each month of 2015. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll know it, and if you're wrong you won't get into a good school and your future will be ruined--and also you'll see Christmas.
As always, thanks for reading. I've been blogging since the late 1800s, and your continued presence means a great deal to me--indeed I'm almost as fortunate to have you as you are to have me. (But not quite.) Enjoy the holidays, ride safe, and good luck on the exam, for your entire academic life depends on it.
See you back here on January 4th, 2016.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
("Who are the people in your Uberhood...")
1) What's an "Uberhood?"
--A master criminal
--The name of Uber's new bicycle messenger service
--Any neighborhood with an Apple store, a Whole Foods, and more than 16 Starbucks
--"The only umbrella system designed for the bicycle."
2) When your new all-wheel drive SUV is stuck in the snow, the best course of action is to:
--Turn off the traction control
--Use the transmission to rock the car
--Pour kitty litter around the tires for extra grip
--Alternately mash on the accelerator and scream obscenities because you're not effortlessly conquering nature like in the commercials
3) Intellectual relic Fran Lebowitz says bikes are for children and helmets are for:
--Hair styles, as evidenced by her own
4) What is the "Spruzza?"
--A vintage bicycle ride based on L'Eroica and organized by the Gran Fondo New York
--The world's fastest clincher road tire
--The smoked penis of a wild boar and a Tuscan delicacy
--A handlebar-mounted cooling system that ejaculates in your face
5) With just days to go, it's still safe to say the Hovding accidental deployment video will go down as the best one of 2015.
6) This summer, Lieutenant Higgins of the St. Landry Parish Crime Stoppers sought:
--"A tortured soul on a bike ride to Hell"
--"A twisted cyclist on Satan's Schwinn"
--"A Lycra-clad lunatic on a time trial of depravity"
--"A soiled turtle on a unicycle to perdition"
7) An Idaho wildfire was caused by:
--"...recreational cyclists smoking marijuana irresponsibly"
--"...inexperienced hipster bicycle campers preparing gourmet food and coffee"
--"...a mountain biker who burned toilet paper after making a restroom stop"
--"...a recumbent rider with a hibachi"
8) According to Boston Globe sports columnist Bob Ryan, bicycles don't:
--"...belong on American streets."
--"...belong in sports."
--"...belong in the 21st century."
9) What does New York State Senator Diane Savino like to yell at cyclists?
--"Find a fucking bike lane and get in it!"
--"Find a fucking SUV and get under it!"
--"Find a fucking paceline and pull through!"
10) Mike Lane is the inventor of the:
--All of the above
11) Horses are great big pains in the ass.
12) What is "cunning peristaltic pump action?"
--The technology behind the self-inflating inner tube
--A patented Mario Cipollini sex technique
--The opposite of "guileless regurgitative vacuum action, also a patented Mario Cipollini sex technique
--All of the above
***Special History Fred-Themed Bonus Video!***
That's some old-timey tight-assery right there.