Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Fred's Atomic Dustbin

So where do you like to ride?


Don't even answer.

Because whatever you're about to say is BO-ring.

See, you're not like Lucas Brunelle, whose seat is "sharp as a razor," and who tears around Chernobyl while you're gunning for the Strava KOM on your local molehill:

Yep, that's right, Chernobyl.  You know, the site of the worst nuclear power plant disaster in history?  Indeed, a number of people have brought this video to my attention recently, but to be honest I ignored them.  That's because for some reason I had it in my head that the'd already done the whole nuclear power plant thing and that I'd already mentionedit:

But then I remembered that in the video I was thinking of he only thought he was riding through a nuclear power plant, when in fact he was merely riding through a coal-fired power station:

So presumably he was so embarrassed by this that he said, "Fuck it, I'm going to Chernobyl!" in order to reestablish his street cred.

Anyway, so I've finally watched it, and it's got everything you'd expect from a video in which Lucas Brunelle rides through a radioactive wasteland.  There are respirators:

And questionable beverage choices:

And gratuitous shots of dead dogs:

And of course plenty of Geiger counter sounds:

(Geiger counters are the new Garmin.)

Good thing he's breathing through his shirt, I'm sure that will do a lot of good.

But most importantly, the film promises that answer to that age-old question:


All from the mind of Lucas Brunelle:

I'm not sure what happens in "Lucas Brunelle Goes To Chernobyl Part II," but I'm really hoping he does battle with an enormous mutant panda who got that way from eating bikes made from radioactive bamboo.

But before you get too impressed, keep in mind that visiting Chernobyl today is not exactly a death sentence.  In fact, it's actually a hot spot for tourists now:

Today, the number of tourists seeking to head deep into Chernobyl's Exclusion Zone, a 30-kilometer radius of contaminated land around the power plant, supports several tour firms.

So hot in fact that, when visiting Kiev, tourists choose it over the tank driving tour and the shooting-guns-with-hot-chicks tour:

So really, how dangerous could it be?

This isn't exactly cutting-edge stuff here--Anthony Bourdain went there years ago, for chrissakes!

I wouldn't be surprised if Brunelle was subject to more radiation while walking through the airport medal detector than he was at Chernobyl.  But yeah, crackling Geiger counters.  Scaaary!

Speaking of well-worn paths, riding your bike and then taking the train is apparently "one of the hottest things in cycling right now:"

With an assist from the train, multimodal cycling lets riders go out farther since they don't have to pedal back. And while it's hardly a new thing to take your bike on a train — multimodal commuters have been doing it for ages — many road cyclists we know are doing more big one-way rides like this, with several using apps like Strava and RideWithGPS to help them find new routes and plan distant outings that normally might be out of reach.

Certainly this is nothing new for the tweedies:

And even I myself partake in the multimodal adventuring, so how hot could it be?

I was sort of blown away by this stroke of brilliance though:

If you're in a jam and need to get your bike on the train that doesn't allow them, you can usually get away with putting the bike in trash bags. (This is easier to pull off if you're in street clothes.) Two extra-large contractor bags usually do the trick, one for the wheels and one for the frame.

A photo posted by Neil Bezdek (@neilbezdek) on

1) Okay, that's just clever;


2) Leave it to the MTA to say no to bikes, but yes to what as far as they know are some giant bags of trash, if not dismembered body parts.

Of course, if you do hop a train as part of your sub-epic cycling day trip, be sure to pack a Specialized flat-fix kit that only works with their special saddle:

It’s essentially a fancy tool roll that bolts into a (compatible) Specialized seat. It has a pocket for an (included) tire lever, a 25g CO2 cartridge, and a fat Velcro strap for locking it all down.

See, tool rolls are the new saddle bag, so leave it to Specialized to come up with a proprietary one.  As for why people seem to be abandoning saddle bags for tool rolls these days, that I don't know, but I suppose the aesthetic goes better with this whole new folksy rail-ridin' sensibility that is now pervading cycling--at least according to Business Insider, anyway.

Lastly, a reader by the name of Steve has sent me this dramatic marketing video for Fujitsu in which they demonstrate how their technology will save our lives because we're cyclists and therefore, apparently, stupid:

First, the cyclist salmons out of a parking lot or something:

Then he rides off a curb at slow speed:

Which of course results immediately in a "serious head injury:"

But wait.  He couldn't have had a head injury!  Let's look at the evidence:

Firstly, he's wearing a helme(n)t, and science has proven that you can't injure your head if you're wearing a helme(n)t on it.  (In fact, it's debatable that you can even crash in the first place while wearing a helme(n)t.)  Secondly, the top tube of the bike is sheared off, so clearly his groin took the brunt of the impact.

One thing's for sure though, which is that they should have hired a better stuntman:

He's probably got plenty of time while he waits for Fukushima to cool off.


Mike O. said...

Early today.

Anonymous said...


weasel said...


Danny said...

Good morning!

Justin Butler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JLRB said...

Now wait a goddam minute - what time is it and where is my coffee and you kids getoffamylawn

Ted K. said...

75. In primitive societies life is a succession of stages. The needs and purposes of one stage having been fulfilled, there is no particular reluctance about passing on to the next stage. A young man goes through the power process by becoming a hunter, hunting not for sport or for fulfillment but to get meat that is necessary for food. (In young women the process is more complex, with greater emphasis on social power; we won’t discuss that here.) This phase having been successfully passed through, the young man has no reluctance about settling down to the responsibilities of raising a family. (In contrast, some modern people indefinitely postpone having children because they are too busy seeking some kind of “fulfillment.” We suggest that the fulfillment they need is adequate experience of the power process—with real goals instead of the artificial goals of surrogate activities.) Again, having successfully raised his children, going through the power process by providing them with the physical necessities, the primitive man feels that his work is done and he is prepared to accept old age (if he survives that long) and death. Many modern people, on the other hand, are disturbed by the prospect of physical deterioration and death, as is shown by the amount of effort they expend trying to maintain their physical condition, appearance and health. We argue that this is due to unfulfillment resulting from the fact that they have never put their physical powers to any practical use, have never gone through the power process using their bodies in a serious way. It is not the primitive man, who has used his body daily for practical purposes, who fears the deterioration of age, but the modern man, who has never had a practical use for his body beyond walking from his car to his house. It is the man whose need for the power process has been satisfied during his life who is best prepared to accept the end of that life.

herzogone said...

Good morning top ten!

Kraig said...

This removed has been authored by a comment

clyde said...

Top ten

Anonymous said...

I cant wait until my fujitsu smart fart watch fucks up and the ambulance shows up when i dont need them. I wonder who the local FD sends the bill in that case... No, i think the next time i crash, i will just wait for lucas brunelle to show up and say "yo, yo! Its ok".

Bryan said...

Early post! I love it.
Fuck going smaller with saddle bags, I have started to go bigger on any long rides with a Carradice Barley. Big enough to fit plenty of real food, extra water (or beer) and tie downs for a jacket.

Doc Sarvis said...

Go ride bikes in Fukushima. It's just like Chernobyl, but ongoing

P. Bateman said...

i got a mushroom cloud in my pants this post was so HOT HOT HOT!

P. Bateman said...

i happen to get a flat the other day, fortunately it was literally 100 yards from my house. i got a new tube, tried to install, and absolutely could not get that tire back on.

took it to the LBS thinking it was just another case of me being absolutely terrible at fixing things, but he had to break out a fancy little grabber thing and it took him a lot of elbow grease and about 20 min to get that thing on. so i'm a little more worried about getting a flat on a long ride/train trip. i guess i'll have to get a fancy grabber thing.

i thought the wider tires got the easier they are to mount? apparently not.

wonder if i could fit a LBS employee in that specialized tool roll...hmmm....

N/A said...

Just think how far the Freds could go if they didn't have their bikes at all?

herzogone said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
bad boy of the north said...

bright eyed and bushy-tailed....

BamaPhred said...

How does WCRM come up with this stuff everyday?
Those Chernobyl documentaries give a glimpse of what a post apocalyptic world will look like.
Shoulda set the tone and theme of the video to the Pointer Sisters Neutron Dance

I'm so happy doin' the neutron dance
My scranus is burning doin' the neutron dance

dop said...

I abandoned the saddle bag years ago. (My wife had mocked it as too testicular, but that had nothing to do with it..I swear).

Tool roll in the center pocket of my jersey. I don't have to attach a saddle bag to whichever bike I'm riding.

Schisthead said...

Ned's Atomic Dustbin. Pretty bad band.

What was their video? Kill the television? But it was a video, so what the hell?


Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

P. Bateman, I have a couple of VAR Tyre Tools. They are like $19 on eBay. They are a 2 piece blue plastic nested thing. The tire lever fits inside something awesome called a Bead Jack. It straddles the tire, one side's notch fits into the rim and the other side, over and across the tire has a little ledge which, when you move the whole thing towards the tire / away from you, lifts the bead over the edge of the rim. Whilst it's plastic, it is great in little increments at getting a tough tire over the rim's edge. And ... it's plastic, weighs almost nothing. The toughest 700x23s for em to mount seem to be Specialized armadillo all condition or something like that. The Var Tire Tool makes it so much easier. For levers, I still prefer thin dull metal coated with rubber or plastic.

Portage ... geekily I carry everything + kitchen sink in a dark green messenger bag. Clothes to work, 12 pound NY Fogettaboutit lock + chain + cable for seat, longer sleeve stuff now for the cooler temps, 2 tubes, chain tool, tire levers, allen wrenches, multi tools, folded tire ... hey you never know, Topeak Road morph pump, and kitchen sink.


Spokey said...

damn, should have posted before reading. could have made top tweenies

that cyclist deserved it. note the spinning wheel. conclusive evidence he was cheatin' wit one of those 'lectric motos hidden in his frame.

also, how come the girl's cell phone couldn't provide those valuable gps coordinates?

also, my 10 year barely running nuvi provides alternate routes passed traffic. as does waze and others.

Spokey said...


get a tire you can put on. i'm sure those exist for you. i've used conti since the early 90s (top touring then tt2k now touring contact(?)). all go on easily by hand. no good for strav fredding but neither am i anyway


i've got one of those. but i've never used it as i buy tires that go on / off easily by hand. looks good though. i think you have to get them off ebay as i don't think they make them anymore. but someone does make something similar. all of which my brain has forgotten.

Spokey said...

i was over on the touring list reading a post that reported a cyclist killed in texas. as is so often the case, the explanation from the woman who hit the cyclist was "didn't see him".

so why is "not seeing him" an exoneration? shouldn't it be evidence of negligent homicide? granted for every crash more info is needed but you are legally required to be paying attention.

theEel said...


Vernal Magina said...

Fwiw, I long ago abandoned the regular most saddlebags in favor of slim ones that just hook under the saddle -- without the front strap that loops around the seatpost. Discovered that seatpost strap was chafing my pants yabbies most of the time, lol, found a couple brands that make slim bags for a tube etc without that strap.

Do those 'Bead Jacks' actually work? I might be tempted to invest in one; the Gatorskins are a challenge to get back on the rim (I swear, switching out a flat can take like 3 minutes -- but getting that tire back on can take another 20)

Vernal Magina said...

... by pants yabbies, I just meant pants.

Cyber Killy said...

Toppus XXX'qus dangit people here wake up too damn early.

DB said...

Sky and Rapha part ways. Who will Sky be wearing next year?

Fatboy said...

you missed "stag party" in the Things To Do in Kiev???

your journalistic integrity is in question

Anonymous said...

Spokey is right on. "I didn't see him"... the four magic words to absolve any driver of hitting a cyclist. It's brilliant, actually. It changes the question from "who's responsible?" to "did you do it on purpose?". Imagine if you shot someone and could just say, "i didn't see him."

Comment deleted said...

Massive tools require massive tool rolls. Yet, I don't see any under Brunelle's razor-sharp saddle. How can that be?

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

Var Tire tool. I think Wayne Bingham carries them in his "Velo Classique" shop? I am not sure of the name. I'll take a look over on the Classic Rondaview and see if I see an ad for his place or something.

Otherwise, eBay, I think they are mostly used/found in Europe. If you try to grab the tire bead that has 8 inches of bead still off the rim in the direct middle, you'll break it I'm sure. But for incremental progress getting the tire on, it saves aches and pains in the hands.


Victor Kaminski said...

www.veloclassique.com Purcelville, VA

P. Bateman said...

think the fellow that did mine had the kool stop bead jack.

he jacked it and jacked it and jacked it some more and finally the immense pressure was relieved and the tire was mounted.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...


leroy said...

Asked my dog if the Specialized bindle cost a bundle.

Then I ducked.

Just did it to annoy him.

Freddy Murcks said...

Two things:

My club/team (I joined because they (1) they are nice people, (2) the bar to entry was extremely low, and (3) nobody cares about my slacker attitude towards "racing.") is moving to a new shop sponsor next year and they are a Special Ed dealer. I don't know how I feel about this. I may decide to move to the Beer Team instead. They don't have a shop sponsor, but they are sponsored by a local brewery and they get free beer.

Regarding tool rolls vs. seat packs - I have started using a velcro strap to strap my spare tube to my down tube as opposed to using a seat pack. If the tube stays in the seat pack for any lengthy time, the tube can rub against the inside of the seat pack and wear holes in the tube. I have had this happen twice. I think the velcro may be better because it doesn't allow the tube to move around. I will have to carry my tools in my jersey pocket or in my pack, but that's what those things are for.

Federico F. Fredriksen said...

Does the Fujitsu video tell us that even plain-clothes commuters need to get their ride data now? He's got a heart-rate monitor, cadence sensor, and a speedometer built into his smart watch so he can tell Fujitsu that he's an incompetent Fred who crashed doing junk miles. Why not just use an accelerometer built into a smart phone or watch (or scranal covering) instead?

Dooth said...

I really enjoyed that tweedies video; especially, the part where they took LSD before the train ride. Must've been the sixties.

Domenic said...

Ace Title today

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

If Brunelle want to,be a macho poser, he shoud go to Fukushima. I think that was worse than Chernobyl

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

If Brunelle want to,be a macho poser, he shoud go to Fukushima. I think that was worse than Chernobyl

McFly said...

I would try to keep my distance wherever Pootin' is involved.

Freddy Murcks said...

I've said it before and I will say it again: Brunelle is a fucking dipshit.

Ranger Dick said...

I try to dive right in whenever poutine is involved.

dana scully said...

I always ride with a fujitsu anal probe so the aliens can find me.

dcee604 said...

That ambulance is a VW, they should be wearing respirators.

Cyber Killy said...

Toppus XXX'qus dangit people here wake up too damn early.

Strunk and White said...

you appear to have used two more commas than you need. Four if you count the second time you posted.

N/A said...

He also missed an "s" and and "l" and a period. OMG, he missed a period!

N/A said...

I wonder if he rides a Cipollini?

Anonymous said...

I can tell you what's going on in "Lucas goes to Chernobyl II".
He's teaming up with medical physicist "bionerd23" and makes her love bicycles while she makes him love nuclear physics. The result is even crazier rides, e.g. on the rooftops of Pripyat, and even more radiation, e.g. in the basement of the hospital of Pripyat, and picking fruit and even fishing and general living off the land, using bionerd's knowledge of radiation uptake into wildlife and plants, and using Lucas' skills for a safe but batshit crazy ride. No mutated pandas, but they do have many crazy encounters - ever heard a wolf howl close by while you changed a flat in the red forest at night, in pitch black darkness? There ya go. Brace... This is going to be epic.

Anonymous said...

Sorry forgot the link, check out bionerd23's youtube channel for some cool previews...


Brunelle said...

Brunelle needs neither a medal detector or a mettle detector

N/A said...

He has not the mettle for a medal! Also, he's not metal.

JB said...

"He's got a heart-rate monitor, cadence sensor, and a speedometer built into his smart watch so he can tell Fujitsu that he's an incompetent Fred who crashed doing junk miles."

That was funny, Fed Fred. "Junk miles" gets me every time.

Dorothy Rabinowitz said...

Scranulogical Forecast...glowing

DB said...

108 days until pitchers and catchers report.

BamaPhred said...

When does the plane leave for stayinkiev holiday? Bike tour of exclusion zone, hot Russian women, tank driving, hot Russian women, Ak47 full auto fun, hot Russian women, superlunary nite club life, hot Russian women. What were we thinking about during the Cold War? Sounds like Alabama on steroids. Isn't there a war going on over there? That's the catch. You get conscripted into one of the armies. No thanks.

BamaPhred said...

DB, I was just looking that up, and trying to find the Winter League schedule. Sometimes I can catch the Winter League games. I don't understand most of the commentary, but it beats what's on the rest of TV.

Comment deleted said...

DB, Bama, the dark days, they have arrived. Winter is coming.

P. Bateman said...

@bama - recently broke up with my russian. miss the accent, but don't miss the crazy. think it was more her engineer brain that was the problem than it was the russian part, but regardless, i'm back to americans. they shoot guns too.

Spokey said...


was a perfect peddling day here in the hemorrhoids. pedaled up the highway, through the pawk (leaves are still OK), down the otter hiway and then to the pawling machine. now i'm back home with a new bottle of scotch (couldn't afford to spring for the both the scotch and suntory so something had to give) ready to settle in a watch the lection results (yeah right).


hot Russian women. What were we thinking about during the Cold War? Sounds like Alabama on steroids.

let me get this straight. alabamy has a fuck-o full of hot russian wimmin? do they serve grits? love grits.

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

S&W, 240

Fat fingers, a shaky bus ride and bad eyesight make for some interesting grammatical errors. Thanks for pointing them out, though, nice to know someone is keeping up the traditions established by the nuns in Catholic school.

Comment deleted said...

Spokey, I was speakin' all metaphoric-like, y'know. No baseball = darkness, football and whitewalkers. Oh, and riding home from work in the dark. But yeah, Fall is pretty nice, other than that.

Spokey said...


different perspective i guess. for me, a day without bazeball is a day with sunshine. the only world serious i saw was when i wandered through the living type room to make fun of spousy yelling at the metz.

oh, and a day without fooozball is a day with . . .

however getting dark a little after 4 is a tad problematic.

bad boy of the north said...

beautiful day in the valley north of gotham.took a stretchy,clicky ride for a couple of hours.ain't too many days like this left.gotta grab it when ya can.

BamaPhred said...

Well Spokey, we don't technically have hot Russian women, and I'm just guessing this is your hot Ukrainian tour guide.
But you can take a few hot laps around Talledga, and there are some full auto days at some gun clubs.
But it's not the same as a day filled with radiation, Russian tanks, kalishnikovs, and vodka.

Spokey said...


i can't believe it. where in lob's name did you get a picture of all three of my grandmothers?

Roille Figners said...

bicycling / Chernobyl

So relevant! They're practically synonyms, just like needlepoint and Exxon Valdez!

dop said...


Those ladies had a vaudeville* act...the human nesting dolls.

*or was it burlesque. They might have been the reason Minsk-ees was raided

Anonymous said...

Brunelle's trip will probably be the supposed motorcycle trip through Chernobyl by KidOfSpeed, part 2.

izdildos said...

I like how the Fujitsu biker somehow knocked his shoe off. I can barely get dress shoes off when I want them off. I speculate he had a long running brain episode and as such did not properly secure his top tube and did a poor job putting on the shoe.

BamaPhred said...

So when is the GFNY Chernobyl? Sign me up, I gotta find a sponsor.

WryGuyHi said...

That Fujitsu ad is just offensive. Oh the poor bike crashed (what a dipshit), but gets rescued (by holy people that drive cars), oh but the ambo gets stuck in traffic (made up of cars!) and see look, the cyclist, its not enough to need a helmet when your cycling in chinos at a snail's pace, you also need all this bullshit electronic stuff that fujitsu makes. No you don't. Lets keep bikes simple and our credit debt low.

Its just a big peice of marketing bull crap for fujitsu anyway, so we buy their other stuff - regular fridges or tvs or whatever they make money from now.

Old timer said...

Huh? What?

Bogusboy said...

As mind-boggling as this may seem, some riders carry all that shit in their jersey pockets.

Spokey said...

or you can carry all that shit in your handlebar bag. or mayhaps your trunk bag. i carry some in each.

Lucas said...

The radiation has a voice, you guys!

Spokey said...

damn. thought i'd come in for an early post and claim yeller podi.

oh well, i guess i'll go to lantern rouge.

sleep tight. don't let the bed bugs bite.

Phez7 said...


bad boy of the north said...

nothing to see here....on your way.23 skidoo!

bad boy of the north said...

anyone planning to go to the philly bike expo?

Victor Kaminski said...

vsk said ...

I saw Sr. Snob last year at the Expo and the dry delivery was perfect, somewhere between what you'd expect of Carlton Your Doorman and Nonplussed Bibshorts Guy.

I went up to a fellow who everyone seemed to be talking to and said "So ... who are you?"
-"My name is David Molton..."
The awesomeness!

I tried to see if there would be any Snobness going on but I think not. It's a great event though. Lots of gorgeous new stuff and some old stuff and etc. Saw JP Weigle, Dave from Bike Works, Johnny Coast and other folks I can't quite remember.

Ran into (nearly ran over) and friend of mine from the Brooklyn Velodrome Vintage Wheelmen and gave him a ride back to NYC.

The short answer is, no, not going...


not phil lesh said...

only the dead live in brooklyn

Spokey said...

dang that snobbie. jest waitin for me to go out petaling before he posts jest so i can'ts get a podi spoot.

janinedm said...

I think today's post is going to be angry. An old woman with a walker got mowed down by a bus driver, who saw her and kept going, then this morning (presumably while today's post is being written) a mother and child were run down in Brooklyn, so...

ChamoisJuice said...

Victor Kaminski,
*Moulton. His signature is on my commuter. Sweet bike, kinda feel bad locking it in the rain, but it's a bike. He writes a pretty good blog, too.

bad boy of the north said...

I looks like wifey and I might be going to said expo.thanks vsk,for the synobsis of last years show.

bad boy of the north said...

oops........meant "it looks"..damn hunt and peck.

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Pengobatan Kutil Kemaluan
Pengobatan kutil pada kemaluan
Pengobatan kutil pada kemaluan pria
Mengobati kutil di kemaluan
Obat Kutil Kemaluan
Obat kutil kemaluan alami
Obat kutil kemaluan pria
Obat kutil kemaluan di apotik

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Mas Andi said...

#Tag :
Pengobatan Kutil Kemaluan
Pengobatan kutil pada kemaluan
Pengobatan kutil pada kemaluan pria
Mengobati kutil di kemaluan
Obat Kutil Kemaluan
Obat kutil kemaluan alami
Obat kutil kemaluan pria
Obat kutil kemaluan di apotik

Segera Hubungi Kami Dan Pesan Obatnya Sekarang Juga di Fast Respond : 087705015423 PIN : 207C6F18.

Apotik Denature said...

Cara Mengobati Ambeien Tanpa Operasi ? Segera Hubungi Kami Dan Pesan Obatnya Sekarang Juga di Fast Respond : 087705015423 PIN : 207C6F18.

Obat Ambeien Di Apotik said...

Obat Ambeien Di Apotik ? Segera Hubungi Kami Dan Pesan Obatnya Sekarang Juga di Fast Respond : 087705015423 PIN : 207C6F18.