Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Help Yourself To A Big Bowl Of Wednesday

Further to my most recent Brooks England Blog post (which has already been nominated for a major award), I was relieved that instead of the usual tiresome comments and questions about bike setup ("Whatgearratioyourunning?"), my travelogue instead elicited speculation and curiosity about the contents of my sandwich:


Let's take a closer look:


Now, for the Lunch Freds out there, here's a complete rundown of the specs:

Firstly, note that I am portaging the sandwich in a L'Eroica musette that I obtained while participating in said event, which I in turn kept inside my hydration pack.  (Yeah, that's right.  I was using a hydration pack.  It's just easier.  I'm now a human bag of Capri Sun.)  Secondly, I have wrapped the sandwich itself with stiff yet lightweight aluminum foil, which serves to hold the sandwich together, as well as to protect it from contamination.

I don't want to even hear about plastic wrap.  That shit's for people who carry Barney lunchboxes.  When you're going on a Mountain Epic, you sack and/or vulva up and use foil.


(Sack up.)

Moving on to the sandwich materials, I used the following:

Two pieces of gluten-free "bread"

In pursuit of the cause of my hives I've discovered that I have a mild wheat allergy, so I've expunged it from my diet.  If nothing else, I at least feel better in general because I no longer subsist entirely on pizza and bagels.  Sadly, gluten-free bread is the culinary equivalent of air-free bicycle tires.  I wouldn't recommend it unless your body forces you to eat it.

Peanut butter

Chunky, of course.  Do you even have to ask?

Banana

Because the gluten-free bread and the chunky peanut butter aren't binding enough, I like to add some banana for good measure.  This spackles my mouth and intestines shut completely, and the effects of eating this sandwich are basically like wearing both a ball gag and a butt plug, in that it seals you up at both ends.

As for the sandwich's construction, it's a two-ply layup similar to what you might find in a crabon bicycle frame, with the peanut butter acting as a resin and the banana as sort of a kevlar-like substance that adds strength and fine-tunes the mouth feel.

It's also about as appetizing as a bicycle frame, but it convinces my stomach it's not hungry anymore, so there you go.

Speaking of fine-tuning the ride, yesterday I was in Brooklyn, and I finally rode the new Ben Serotta-designed Citi Bikes:


Generally speaking, bike share bikes are like gluten-free peanut butter sandwiches: an approximation of the real thing that's functional enough but mostly devoid of pleasure.  With the new bikes, Ben Serotta has put some much-needed jelly on the sandwich.  Sure, it's still basically like eating a sponge, but at least it's a bit more palatable.

As a hardcore Citi Bike Cat 6 racer, I have yet to test the revised gear ratios on the bridge, but I did appreciate the prominent saddle-centering line on the seatpost, which shaved precious seconds off my pre-ride setup time.

While in Brooklyn I also made a pilgrimage to the famous David Byrne Bike Racks in front of the Brooklyn Academy of Music:


"Back in the day" they used to say "Micro Lip:"


(My erstwhile Scattante...sigh.)

But now they say some different shit that doesn't make sense either:


This one appears to say "Wild Mix," which sounds like a granola topping you'd buy at Whole Foods:


Whatever message Byrne means to convey, the racks remain just as inconvenient as ever.

Also right nearby is where this happened a few days ago:


The S.U.V., a Honda Pilot driven by a 37-year-old man whose name was not released, was traveling north along Fourth Avenue in the Boerum Hill neighborhood when it struck a car stopped at a red light at the intersection with Dean Street.

The Honda then jumped the concrete median and collided with the bicyclist, the police said. It continued barreling north along Fourth Avenue and rammed into another car that was traveling eastbound on Atlantic Avenue.

Fortunately the NYPD moved swiftly to absolve the driver, attributing his actions to a "medical emergency:"

The S.U.V.’s driver was taken into custody but has not been charged, the police said. Investigators think he may have experienced a medical emergency, possibly a seizure, and lost control of his vehicle, officials said.

Sure, I'll buy that's a seizure, assuming you consider stupidity to be a grand mal seizure of the mind you experience every second of your entire life.

Meanwhile, in the wake of this tragedy the Brooklyn Borough President took the opportunity to expose the media to some hairy 'bush:

"I ride often—just about every day," he said. "I was extremely leery about riding on Flatbush Avenue. As an experienced rider, I do all that I can to not ride on Flatbush Avenue."

In March, the de Blasio administration announced the birth of its Great Streets initiative, which will funnel $250 million in capital funds toward improving four of the city's most dangerous arterial roadways—Queens Boulevard, the Grand Concourse, Atlantic Avenue, and Fourth Avenue in Brooklyn. Queens Boulevard—where 38 New Yorkers were killed and 448 more were injured between 2003 to 2013 — is slated to receive protected bike lanes and a pedestrian walkway, with construction scheduled to begin in August.

I'm all for street improvements, but I'm waiting for someone with some actual power to acknowledge that this is a nationwide epidemic, and that we need driver re-testing every five years, as well as licenses with chips in them that we have to insert into our dashboards before our cars will start.

As it is, there are more barriers to using the laundry room in a typical apartment building than there are to tearing around town in a two-ton death machine.

Of course, it could be worse.  For example, you could live in New South Wales, Australia, where they're building barriers to cycling faster than condos in downtown Brooklyn:


Cyclists over a certain age would be required to carry photo identification, under plans being considered by the NSW government.

Roads Minister Duncan Gay has convened a "roundtable" to discuss cycling safety issues, which includes members of motoring, pedestrian and cycling groups.

I'm assuming they were inspired by the NYPD, who will happily toss you in jail for not having proper identification, and in any case it sounds like this "roundtable" was mostly this Duncan Gay character slobbering over his own wang:


Indeed, Duncan Gay seems to be the Chris Froome of hating bikes--and Team Sky wants you to know that if it seems like Froome's doping, it's only because of hackers:


The Tour heads into the Pyrenees today, as the team prepares Froome for the inevitable doping questions he will likely face in the days ahead. Anticipating the criticism, Team Sky chose to gather data to back up their faith that the 2013 Tour champion is riding clean. The British team now believes the data files have been stolen in order to suggest Froome may be doping.

Right.

Back in the old days when a rider got caught doping he said somebody spiked his bidon, so I can only assume this is the 21st century equivalent.

I for one have no doubts about Froome, whose rise to dominance is easily explained by the waterborne pathogen that conveniently decided to leave his body just before he rocketed to the top of the cycling world:

Team Sky principal Sir Dave Brailsford said last summer that the non-diagnosis of Froome’s illness, and subsequent management of it, may be one reason for Froome’s apparently rapid transformation from someone who finished 84th overall in his debut Tour in 2008 into a rider some belief will dominate the Tour for several years.

And who supposedly has such severe asthma he's got to take hits off an inhaler while he rides:


It's only natural that someone so sickly and frail would be dominating the world's most difficult sporting event.

Anyone who says differently is a hacker.

134 comments:

Ted K. said...

40. In modern industrial society only minimal effort is necessary to satisfy one’s physical needs. It is enough to go through a training program to acquire some petty technical skill, then come to work on time and exert the very modest effort needed to hold a job. The only requirements are a moderate amount of intelligence and, most of all, simple OBEDIENCE. If one has those, society takes care of one from cradle to grave. (Yes, there is an underclass that cannot take the physical necessities for granted, but we are speaking here of mainstream society.) Thus it is not surprising that modern society is full of surrogate activities. These include scientific work, athletic achievement, humanitarian work, artistic and literary creation, climbing the corporate ladder, acquisition of money and material goods far beyond the point at which they cease to give any additional physical satisfaction, and social activism when it addresses issues that are not important for the activist personally, as in the case of white activists who work for the rights of nonwhite minorities. These are not always PURE surrogate activities, since for many people they may be motivated in part by needs other than the need to have some goal to pursue. Scientific work may be motivated in part by a drive for prestige, artistic creation by a need to express feelings, militant social activism by hostility. But for most people who pursue them, these activities are in large part surrogate activities. For example, the majority of scientists will probably agree that the “fulfillment” they get from their work is more important than the money and prestige they earn.

Hurben said...

Podium!

Serial Retrogrouch said...

SAWEET

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Ted is on fire.

ricochet said...

when I die please make a special edition Brooks saddle from my pelt.

Flyover BC said...

top ten

Anonymous said...

You should just eat tortillas for everything. I can't eat wheat either. Gluten Free bread is a sin.

Hurben said...

Gluten free bread is like Alcohol free Beer!

Anonymous said...

let's hear it for the newest TDF contender AL Buterol

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...dude, your sandwich's been hacked...

DB said...

Thanks, Snob.
Tour is over. Froome won.
It's so much easier for them now that they have their own motor coaches to sleep and get transfusions in.

Anonymous said...

The Tour heads into the Pyrenees today, as the team prepares Froome for the inevitable doping questions he will likely face in the days ahead.

Well, is it "inevitable" or it "likely"? I hate Cat 6 journalism.


And my robot can't tell if that is a cake or something my dog hacked up.

Anonymous said...

Al Buterol, he rides for Team In-Haler....used to be on Team Neb-ulizer

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...seriously?

"I was extremely leery about riding on Flatbush Avenue. As an experienced rider, I do all that I can to not ride on Flatbush Avenue."

...fuckin elected officials... again putting the blame on the victim... who apparently was an inexperienced idiot for even being near a major transit center in the city riding a bike... and the borough pres is saying that statement while wearing his helment, basically saying without words that the dead cyclist should've been wearing one.

Anonymous said...

I actually like peanut butter-and-banana sandwiches (so did Elvis, by the way). Some crunchy lettuce and a generous slathering of mayonnaise greatly improves them.

Grump said...

Snobby, I thought that "Wild Mix" was Wednesday weed, with added "improvements".




dop said...

Perhaps some artisanal honey on that peanut butter.

Bilharzia may be waterborne, but like hookworm it infects people by boring through their skin.

When I took parasitology in 1980, they showed us a W.H.O. film of bilharzia eradication in Iran.

Narrator: "Here we see the soldiers going door to door to ask the farmers to help decontaminate the irrigation canals". (footage like yesterday's brit rail clip, but of soldiers knocking at doors & concerned-looking farmers nodding yes, followed by clips of farmers spreading copper sulfate in the canals. The Ayatollah was new to us & I was the only one in my class to fall off my chair laughing at the Shah's security forces on public health duty, and the local farmers happily, "Obliging"

Oh, bicycles.

Spokey said...

woo hoo

600 podi

Anonymous said...

Excellent!
We've all seen the utter domination like yesterday's mountain climb before. And how often it was subsequently revealed that the winner was doping...

P. Bateman said...

Watch out!!! a pack of COWS on the tour route today.

no reports if any of the cyclist have been tainted.

Contador has already suggested that if anythings come up on his tests that its complete bullshit.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Serial Retrogrouch,

I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming he was making the point that it needs improvement, not that it was the victim's fault.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

CommieCanuck said...

I thought he was that Italian, Sal Buterol (roll the R). Peppy Mediterranean from the village of Fangulo.

Too bad Seinfeld ended. No doubt George Costanza would have tried to get out of being fired by suggesting he was hacked.

We need a full sandwich review by James Huang. I bet this sandwich would chew up nicely and be quite beefy despite the lack of beef, but gluten free bread is just hipster. Back in the day, we just ate of gluten like men and headed for the toilet for about an hour to read Bicycling. And for God's sake, don't dare eat that sandwich on gravel. 4/5 stars.

Bob Patterson said...

The mowing down of bicyclists by auto drivers who go unpunished, should be countered. Perhaps an ACLU type organization to support riders, that could draw donations from riders and non-riders.

P. Bateman said...

oh, and its a tension bolt. thats what that thing on the front of a brooks is. now i know. thats half the battle. it would seem that its best to leave them be.

crosspalms said...

So was the foil shiny side in?

P. Bateman said...

gluten free bread. no surprise then that you shave your legs.

JLRB said...

This spackles my mouth and intestines shut completely, and the effects of eating this sandwich are basically like wearing both a ball gag and a butt plug, in that it seals you up at both ends.

GOLD

CommieCanuck said...

Snob, it works like this in all cities after a cyclist fatality:

1. Check for healment. Yes, onto 2, no, he fucking deserved to die.
2. Was he riding on the road? That's just not safe. Riding on the sidewalk? illegal, he fucking deserved to die (this includes children).
3. End with a PSA about how great SUVs are because when you hit someone you don't even spill your coffee or misspell a text.

crosspalms said...

P Bateman,
I just tightened mine the other day. Too many days of riding in the rain and the saddle got a bit saggy. Sure, it could have been my winter training regimen (eat, take bus, shovel walk, eat), but I'll blame the rain.

Spokey said...


bananas should be eaten from the peel. not on a sangwich

acceptable additions to the peanut butter sangwich: american or havarti cheese or jelly.


snobbie: make your own gluten free bread. i like bob's red mill. but it does go stale quicker. but it also doesn't crumble as badly as most commercial stuff.

Anonymous said...

BIKE LIVES MATTER

JB said...

I like the PB and banana sandwiches too, usually as a to-go breakfast. Sometimes I step it up and add Nutella. #blessed

P. Bateman said...

@crosspalms - i'm just crunchy peanut butter and jealous that i dont have brooks. think it will be the last bit i buy for the new build.

JLRB said...

The view from a bike is more revealing than from a car - when stopped at a light (yes I do that most of the time) I can see the drivers with the green light going by very clearly - very easy to see which ones (a fuckton) are fugging around with their phones - either voice, text or surfing some inane blog (no offense)- it would be relatively easy to enforce the law and ticket people for doing this stupid shit - except of course that the po-po are some of the worst offenders so fugh it - lease an iphone and join the death march

P. Bateman said...

oh, and peanut butter, banana and HONEY. that is the way to go. its the bees knees.

"Beads?" "bees?"

Pathetic Old Cyclist said...

I question the wisdom of wrapping your sandwich in Aluminum....the fatigue strength is nil and it requires a large diameter wrapper. Was aluminum wrap TIG welded for strong closure and frehness?? I think the ride for an Aluminum wrapped sandwich is a bit harsh. Did you consider Ti or better yet crabon fibre sandwich wrap, it would have given your sandwich a much more supple ride, but it would have exploded out of the turns and it would feel like it was pedalling itself uphill.

Freddy Murcks said...

And there's this. http://subjectivecyclist.blogspot.com.au/2015/07/this-milkman-delivers.html What, I ask, is the point of a cable lock that has a cable about as thick as a brake cable and that looks like it could be severed with some particularly strong language? The Aussie blogger seemed to like it, however. I am assuming that the diminutive little lock allowed him plenty of pocket space for carrying his required ID.

babble on said...

Oh, Snobi Wan, I am so sorry. Sucks to be glutarded. For years I thought I was too, but turns out it's just binding. The good thing is that you will drop some weight without it in yer diet.

I have a six pack, you see, but it hides under my wine habit, which is the cause of this persistent "winter tire" I carry around with me. Without the gluten you will likely find your six pack coming out to say hello in no time. That's the bright side. The dark side is that gluten is the foundation of so many simple pleasures. Like the baguette and triple cream brie which went so well with yesterday's Bastille day celebrations.

Yes yes yes. You are right, again. Of course. And I would take it a step further. We simply have to insist that all of the drivers who take unnecessary risks - like speeding, or distracted driving - are prosecuted under criminal negligence legislation, just as they would be if they were waving a loaded gun around in a crowded room. (that IS a crime down there, isn't it??!) It is beyond scandalous that so many people die at the hands of motorists every day.

Radar traps all over the place would go a long way toward increasing the city's coffers even as it suddenly stopped the slaughter. And there has to be a way to disable a phone in the driver's seat. We live in the digital age, after all.

dop said...

You can also apply grapes to the layer of peanut butter, cover with your second slice of bread & you have a PB & J while cutting out the middlemen of Big Jelly.

blunchbelly said...

I was really hoping for liverwurst and chewy rye. Gluten free bread,how sad, I'm truly sorry for you.

McFly said...

Not sure how many more The Sky is the Limit puns I can handle from Paul-n-Phil.

wishiwasmerckx said...

In the inevitable coming war with China, The troops of the greatest and best-equipped fighting force in the world will be brought to its knees by a single baggie full of gluten. Better enroll now in those Mandarin courses at the local community college.

Comment deleted said...

Babs, it figures you boreal commies think waving a loaded gun around a crowded room is anything but a 2A-blessed sacrament. Sheesh. Texas, for instance, is an "open-brandishment" state.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Among the pictures of cake I had to identify was one of a central air conditioning unit.

wishiwasmerckx said...

And my advice is skip the sandwich altogether. Whip up a smoothie of one banana, two tablespoons of peanut butter, a sprinkling of brown sugar, almond milk and ice in the blender and drink your sandwich instead.

trama said...

WCRM,
if you have wheat allergies you can use an inhaler during UCI sanctstoned events...and a bottom bracket motor.

Anonymous said...

It seems likely The "medical emergency story " is BS:
A witness, Joseph Weaver, told WABC 7, that the SUV driver "didn't even hit his brakes, just went boom because I was standing over there." He and other witnesses said that after striking the Toyota Camry at Dean Street, "THE DRIVER BACKED UP (???), went around the Camry then drove into oncoming traffic and kept speeding up the block, hitting the bicyclist near Atlantic Avenue."

babble on said...

Guess gadar traps take people to man them, though. Radar cameras. Why doesn't every street have speed tr cameras on it? Cheap to install, and boom! Big ticket revenues.

Easy.

Mmmmm peanut butter. I am having a piece of toast with a little butter and some peanut butter on it as we speak. Simple. I love it when the peanut butter melts like that. Mmm. Perfect. I only add a banana when I have a big ride in front of me, but that's not happening any time soon.

babble on said...

Lol!! Gadar. :D

BikeSnobNYC said...

wishiwasmerckx,

Smoothie is to sandwich as recumbent is to bicycle.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

crosspalms said...

Babble,
A co-worker of mine was once driving with his very young son and was startled to hear the kid say of another driver "Get off the fucking phone." Couldn't figure out where his son heard it... We need more kids like that, perhaps as standard equipment in new cars.

Spokey said...

dop # 1:16 PM

COD




since when is a hand not food?

crosspalms said...

wiwm,
Does that technique work for salami and cheese?

Anonymous said...

dop,

Aw, yeah! Grapes!

Although I'd go just the grapes. Nothin' but grapes. The dry flat taste of bread competing with the juicy jollity of the grape is ample action for one sandwich.

I don't even know what gluten is, but if there ain't none in Latvian bread, which is black and aniseedy, well then you've got it made. Try it one time; plain old grapes in a Latvian bread sandwich. It's hearty, tastes great and has mild hallucinogenic properties.

Ha, robot made me pick images of bread. Sadly, no Latvian.

Billy said...

Having a seizure and hitting something ought to cause your car to immediately shut down and lock down the brakes.

DB said...

Made the once a week Subway run for lunch.
Did not see Jared in any poster in the place.
Could be co-COD's today.
Crosspalm at 12:58 and dop at 1:16.

P. Bateman said...

just had an apple, brie, ham sandwich with french toast for the bread at backspace here in new orleans. f'ing lovely. was wrapped in paper. was very compliant but lacked for stiffness.





DB said...

RIP FAOSchwartz.

P. Bateman said...

tell you what doesnt lack for stiffness...my wiener after eating that sandwich. now headed to the pants store.

leroy said...

My dog asked me to point out that peanut butter and banana sandwiches are what made Elvis fat.

I reminded him that Elvis' recipe called for frying.

He then asked me what my excuse was.

I'd kick him, but it's just too hot to chase him where we are. I think he knows that.

babble on said...

OMGoodness that DOES sound good, master bateman. I make a mean french toast, too, or so it's been said.

Anonymous said...

Canyon Bakehouse makes gluten-free bread that's tolerable. It's the best we've found. The mountain white is good for sandwiches, but they also make a deli rye facsimile that's all right.

The trick is to throw it in the microwave for 20 seconds or so to decrumblize it.

Anonymous said...

Thanks Anonymous JLRB and the others of you who mentioned the scourge of cell phones, texting, etc. The other day I watched some guy riding his bike in the middle of the street, no hands on the handle bars, and texting away like, well, just about everybody nowadays. He fell like the proverbial 'ton of bricks" right there in the middle of the street. Good thing traffic was light, because if there had been a driver texing in a car behind him, the driver would have been wondering where the speed bump came from.

McFly said...

Looks like these guys are on the ball.

JLRB said...

Portland continues to try too hard

DB said...

Happy Hours have been banned in Illinois since 1989, but may be legalized again soon.
Crosspalms, where do we meet to celebrate?

ubercurmudgeon said...

Why does news of hacking in the professional cycling world make me think of that "The files are IN the computer" scene in Zoolander? At least Froome has more than one cadence, and can turn both left and right.

Max Schlachter said...

Capital post!

wishiwasmerckx said...

The TV coverage of tomorrow's stage starts at 3:00 a.m. on the left coast. Perhaps I'll retire for the evening at 8:30 or so so that I am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and fully ready to receive insightful commentary sprinkled in equal measure with intermittent pearls of wisdom and regrettable gaffes from Phil and Paul.

...not.

1904 Cadardi said...

Babble,

The powers that be have tried all sorts of traffic cameras down here in Coloradee. Speed, red light, right turn, whatever you can photograph. It turns out that those same powers that be end up tuning the triggers so photos are taken and tickets mailed out at for a few miles under the posted limit, red light violations while traffic lights are still green, etc. Eventually the media breaks the news that cities are using traffic violations for *gasp* increased revenue. Um, surprise? It's easier than sending the cops out to do a speed trap in front of my office at the end of every fiscal period. Which they also do.

But since the cars are the vocal and deadly majority, they win. We lose.

Also, I'm a retrogrouch: White bread, creamy peanut butter and grape jam. It coordinates nicely with my frame pump.

P. Bateman said...

3am? nah. 5am. which is still too early. thankfully the tour pass lets you pause...

babble on said...

Elvis had this habit of deep frying his peanut butter and banana sarnies. He was prolly the guy who figured it would be a good idea to deep-fry a turkey.

Nah. He is the product of his times. Deep-frying makes sense when you live in a hot place don'tcha think? They sure like to deep fry stuff in India. The high cooking temp makes sense in a place where (historically, like Texas before the dreaded polar vortex) the ambient temperatures made it hard to keep the bugs outta yer birds once dey're dead. IMPO

So you know it's the carbs that make you fat if you don't burn em off, right? Something to do with the insulun reaction blah blah blah sugar blah whole better than white, processed bad bad bad white sugar flour danger danger stranger, no feast days only blah blah keytones are not the killer blah blah mmmmmm peanutbutter mmmmmm bread. :l

Didn't Elvis have bacon in those deep-fried peanutbutter honey banana frenchtoast breadwiches, or is that just another silly ol' urban legend? I heard it somewhere...

crosspalms said...

DB
I was hoping Illinois had a Drinktown, or East Tipple, or Skol Valley or something, but failing that it'll have to be Manhattan. Wikipedia says "Manhattan was incorporated in 1886. It is an old and established community. Due to railroad construction in the mid-19th century, many immigrants, especially Irish, moved to the area. It was eventually incorporated to obtain a saloon license." No way they named the place after NY. I think the town square has a statue of an enormous cocktail glass.

crosspalms said...

Babble,
I think he did. There's a waffle place here called Wafel that makes what it calls an Elvis: Slab bacon, banana, peanut butter, honey wrapped in a waffle. I tried it once. Glued my mouth shut and stuck my fingers together. But in a tasty way.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...

Cardardi - Truth is I like the white bread, too. Cobbs makes a berautiful chia white which works well for easing my guilty conscience.

It's too expensive to pay officers everywhere to trap people in their habits. Truth is most people should be driving a few below ticks those maximums, except under 'no one else on the street - ish' ideal driving conditions. Crashes are far less leathal at seriously slower speeds. Let em knock the speed out of the park on the autobahn, but people in cities across the world seriously need to slow the fuck down. Conserves oil, too, which though there's a glut out there, enough is enough. We've burned enough.

babble on said...

This is getting silly now. A few ticks below maximum.

babble on said...

Crosspalms - yeah, but do they actually deep fry it? And are rumors of some sort of breading greatly exagerated?

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
P. Bateman said...

i'm a pretty huge car guy - love racing and loud ass hot rods but i'm actually starting to think the google cars (or whoever winds up making them) will be a good thing. i've have my HAL1000 reservations about a robot world, but i'd trust those little easter egg pods going the speed limit and having all the sensors they'll have over some mongoloid in a 4000lb car/truck driving 60 in 35.

one issue is that modern cars are so overpowered and actually so well made that you just dont feel like your actually going that fast which just encourages people to fly especially in lower speed zones because doing 35 feels like you arent moving.

Comment deleted said...

I'm with you on both counts P. Second first, the car I own likes to go fast. I put it that way because it completely absolves me from any responsibility.

1st point, yeah, bring on the automated eggs. Driving ain't fun anymore, not with the asshole density out there. My favorite wheel-gripping-sphincter-type is the dude in the heavy-duty pickup truck who considers any attempt to pass his smoke-belching behemoth to be a direct attack on his testicles.

Besides, self-driving cars mean the end of traffic enforcement as revenue collection. Whee! I'm sure the police state will just wither away at that point.

JB said...

If we're talking great sandwiches, one of the best is a well-made Monte Christo.

JLRB said...

Didn't Elvis's self-driving sammy involve fluffunutter too - you know that seriously deadly marshmallow crap in a jar?

JLRB said...

How do self-driving cars do in a power outage?

JLRB said...

Wiki on Elvis and sammies

No mention of my fluffernutter stuff

crosspalms said...

Babble,
No, these guys don't deep-fry it. You have to order fries or sweet potato tots to get the extra fat hit. Or go to any state fair...

JLRB said...

Here it is - not Elvis - all of new England? "The sandwich is particularly popular in New England and has been proposed as the official state sandwich of Massachusetts. However, it has also sparked controversy because of its nutrition content and its possible contribution to childhood obesity."

Comment deleted said...

JLRB -- umm, about as well as my laptop, I'd think? They're not trolley cars connected to overhead lines, after all.

Seriously, your question is more about EVs vs. ICEVs than autonomous vehicles, right?

Comment deleted said...

Fluffernutters are delicious. And I don't know how I know that, because I'd never admit to eating one.

CommieCanuck said...

And my advice is skip the sandwich altogether. Whip up a smoothie of one banana, two tablespoons of peanut butter, a sprinkling of brown sugar, almond milk and ice in the blender and drink your sandwich instead.

Plus, saves time waiting to vomit.

Roille Figners said...

Yeah but then what about stopping at old-school fish fry joints on City Island and ordering fried battered seafood off a yellow menu and it comes to you over the counter beneath fluorescent lighting? That batter's fulla gluten ain't it?

JLRB said...

New York sucks more than DC does

Another day, another reminder of what a pain it is to drive in D.C. (also, another ranking).

Washington came in at 99 on WalletHub's ranking of 100 U.S. cities based on driving conditions. Only New York City has it worse. Meanwhile, Lubbock and Corpus Christi, in Texas; Lincoln, NE; Greensboro, N.C.; and Tuscon, AZ rounded out the top five.

WalletHub looked at a pretty robust number of variables to come to that determination: costs (gas, insurance, etc), traffic and road conditions, safety (number of accidents, rate of car thefts, etc), and driver and car wellness (aka the availability of resources like car washes and dealerships).

Across the country, wasted time and fuel because of traffic congestion costs a total of $124 billion each year—and that doesn't include the costs of maintaining and repairing cars wracked by the poor quality of American roads (the American Society of Civil Engineers gives them a 'D'), according to WalletHub.

The District scored particularly poorly on the "traffic and road conditions" and "driver and car wellness" categories. Put another way we do poorly—comparatively speaking —in traffic delays, commute times, rainfall, and quality of roads and bridges as well as number of repair shops, car washes, dealerships, and availability of parking. We are among the absolute worst in terms of average traffic delays, likelihood of getting into an accident, and the number of repair shops (to add insult to injury?)

Of course, the alternatives to driving are Metro, the streetcar, buses, and biking.


bieks said...

Little known fact, but David Byrne's bike racks were inspired by his rejected email passwords which he created by opening the dictionary to random pages and pointing. Then, he'd write them on little pieces of paper and spread them out on the floor, rolled around in them and chose the ones that stuck.

the commentariat said...

I understand that Babble ate some batter once, but she was at the baseball park at the time.

JLRB said...

Deleted Comment - Right - about as well as your laptop until its battery dies. In prolonged outages around here cell phones no longer worked after about 24-ish hours - the back-up batteries at the cell tower thingies (technical terms) seemed to all die together. I didn't quickly find an article about the cell problems after storms around DC, but here is an article about the cell phones not working after Superstorm Sandy in NYC

So if the car controllers are operated through cell type communications, if there is a storm and those communications likewise stop working after X# of hours, self-driving cars are fucked, right? And then bicycles will be free to roam the earth like Mad Max...(Or they will put in diesel generator back-ups and if they aren't swamped - see Japan - all will be OK for the self driving cars)

JLRB said...

And how is it that it is almost 3 years after Superstorm Sandy already ...

wishiwasmerckx said...

JLRB, Washington traffic is exasperating, and studies have revealed that a significant part of the congestion is unrelated to through traffic. Through traffic is caught up in a constant crawl of drivers searching for non-existent parking.

I determined that if I ever moved to DC, a scooter is a superior choice for getting around. Slices through backed up traffic and easy-peasy to park.

Dooth said...

You gotta try a Vietnamese sandwich. The food, not the sex act.

crosspalms said...

"availability of resources like car washes"

I bet the International Carwash Association's Mr. Wash is on the job.

Comment deleted said...

Hunting for parking, another wonder of the modern world scheduled to go by-by when cars can drive themselves.

Like I said, JLRB, your scenario is not a problem with autonomous vehicles, it's a problem with an EV-dominant transportation system (and a cellular communications-dependent world). Not an unsolvable one, I'd add, but it will definitely need attention. Can't see it stopping, or even slowing, the inevitable change.

JLRB said...

CD - firstly - congrats on the uncontrived century!

Secondly - I'm not worried about electronic cars running out of juice, I am curious as to how the Googlemaster will tell them where to go - is it pure satellite guidance without any guidance from cell tower triangulation?

babble on said...

Did hear that right? Did the Cuban rowing team just defect to the US??

Comment deleted said...

It *would* be awfully hard to summon a driver-less car without a working cell network. Other than that, I'd bet they could move themselves around just fine without phoning home.

If our GPS sat network ever failed, we'd be fucked, though. We'd have to resort to bicycles!

Freddy Murcks said...

I understand that NYC got a bit of rain today. Like a big bowl of shit down by the Gowanus.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Freddy Murcks,

Not here in the nice part of the city.

--Wildcat Etc.

BamaPhred said...

You had me at Lunch Fred

Roille Figners said...

JLRB - Fixed this for them: "Washington came in at 99 on WalletHub's ranking of 100 U.S. cities based on driving conditions. Only New York City has it worse. Meanwhile, Lubbock and Corpus Christi, in Texas; Lincoln, NE; Greensboro, N.C.; and Tuscon, AZ rounded out the top five, and also not coincidentally the top five places absolutely nobody ever says hey let's go to/move to/vacation in ___.'"

Anonymous said...

The autonomous cars...
Around here my satellite radio fuzzes out regularly, my cell reception is 3 bars At BEST, and often can't make a phone call from my house. And I'm in a Census designated Metropolitan county in NH... Those autonomous cars would be stopped in the road or crashed into the the ditch. No thanks.

Consti Pation said...

I heard that Evis died on the toilet, from a heart attack, straining at stool.

brooksby1971 said...

Question 1 - can someone please tell me why Australia hates cyclists so much?

Question 2 - "Ted K"? It's clearly a bot, but WTF is it on about?

Ted K. said...

"Ted K"? It's clearly a bot, but WTF is it on about?

Good question.

Originally Mr. Snob posted links to some articles that reminded me of the essay INDUSTRIAL SOCIETY AND ITS FUTURE. I thought posting paragraphs from that as one of the first 3 comments each day would be just as meaningful and would add just as much to the blog as the PODIUM!, etc comments we usually get. Although when I first set up the bot I had forgotten about all the “lefist” stuff at the beginning of the essay.

Suggest no more time/thought be spent on the Ted K. comments as the PODIUM, etc comments.

dop said...

I guess Ted Kluszewski was called the Unabomber because he played first base & hit big home runs. Never read the manifesto until now. I think his writing style is stilted, but I'd put up with that in exchange for left-handed power.

dop said...

Back in the Eisenhauer Era, Ted K. was a dangerous lefty who spent years with the reds.

Anonymous said...

Ted used we so he is now one of the commentariat.

JLRB said...

Hairy Flatbush? Did they do that on purpose? (And why didn't I notice it until now.)

JLRB said...

Ted K - Thanks for the explanation - I have mostly already adopted your suggestion, but some portions of the essay are read worthy. (As are all of the podium comments)

JLRB said...

And and - just looked at the whole article about the vehicular homicide in Brooklyn - looking at what's left of the bike frame wedged into the wheel of the car there is no way a helmet would have done anything.

At least the article describes it as a DRIVER of an suv hitting the bicyclist - not just the usual de-personified "hit by an SUV"

crosspalms said...

dop
Ted K and Roille in the same room, it's like visiting Cooperstown.

Anonymous said...

Froome go ZOOM ZOOM.

Anonymous said...

Alberto C encountered a herd of cows yesterday, he jumped off his bike and ate one. So if they tested him last night he had a ready made excuse.

Anonymous said...

"I actually like peanut butter-and-banana sandwiches (so did Elvis, by the way)."

Elvis did, he'd wolf one or two down along with a dozen sugar donuts and a couple of Pepperoni Pizzas. He didn't ride the weight off either.

I remember him singing "Honey, I want you back honey, and on the way back pick up some sugar donuts...

Angry Beaver in Miramichi said...

CD@127 "Sheesh. Texas, for instance, is an "open-brandishment" state."

I think the correct spelling is Texass

Prove you're not a robot: "Pick all the Food" One of the pictures is the head of a vacuum cleaner. Is that a sly way of sneaking in an oral sex reference?

Anonymous said...

Babble "Did hear that right? Did the Cuban rowing team just defect to the US??"

By rowing across Lake Ontario? Bet they threw the coxswain in after that row and held him under.

Anonymous said...

Yesterdays podium foxes were rated "Beyond Category" by the TdF viewing public.

RCMP "To Protect and to Service" said...

The Brazilian Women's Cycling Team went for a training ride wearing Brazilian Bikinis, every where they went there were car crashes galore until the Mounted Police escorted them off the road and put them up in a Motel 8.

dop said...

The German women's beach volleyball team wouldn't drink beer during the tournament. They didn't want to get sand in their Schlitz.

RUSH said...

1001001001

Anonymous said...

About that ball gag and butt plug comment - pictures please.

cycle

dop said...

actually, this is comment 10000001

Jan! said...

Re: [ Froome ] supposedly has such severe asthma he's got to take hits off an inhaler while he rides

Went back in your archives to leave this here: "[ Bilharzia ] could help prevent asthma": http://www.news-medical.net/news/2005/09/05/12932.aspx

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