Which is that, as "JB" pointed out in the comments, "calamari" can sometimes be hog rectum:
Though it has a shape and texture similar to the real thing, its component parts are decidedly different. While calamari comes from squid, the replica is supposedly made of hog rectum, otherwise known as "bung."
I'm not exactly comforted, but this seems like a fitting epilogue.
Speaking of sub-epics, when this baby arrives you'd better hide the hog rectum because we plan to work up an appetite together:
These days I like wide tires in summer and fenders in winter, so it's become increasingly clear to me that I really should be riding a road bike with mid-reach brakes (not to mention a coat of paint):
Plus, it has a standard headset, a threaded bottom bracket shell, and no crabon, all of which I find extremely promising.
I still haven't taken delivery, but it should arrive any day now, and I'll keep you apprised as to how we get on.
Still, as excited as I am, I can't help being jealous of this bike, which belongs to a reader named Bryan:
Yep, that's a bona-fide (by which I mean completely counterfeit) Venge-Schmenge:
And yep, it's made from 100% high-modulus CRABON:
I ride this poorly constructed intellectual thieving bike in constant fear of crashing due to certain assploding.
Though I'd be far more afraid of the legal team over at Specialized.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a short quiz, since it's been a short week (for me). As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then good, and if you're wrong you'll see a cycling spokesperson you can trust.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and beware of imitation calamari.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) Portlanders were outraged when a Fred ran over:
2) Where was this bike spotted?
3) Finally! A bike made out of an Erector Set!
4) Nothing says "Maine" like:
--A lobster trap bike basket
--A handlebar made from moose antlers
--An ancient Indian burial ground that resurrects cats
5) In Tennessee, bikes are considered more dangerous than guns.
***Special "Crabon And The TSA Don't Mix"--Themed Bonus Video!***
Yeah, no shit.
Welcome to bikes.