Well, here's a picture of that last thing...only with a twist:
In the photographer's own words:
So I was walking home from work the other night and (rather unusually for these parts), noticed an enormous car parked blocking the bike lane. Upon closer inspection I saw that it had New York plates. “Nothing strange about that” you might say, except that I live in Hove, East Sussex, UK. Not a great ambassador for your great State, I think you’ll agree ;)
Wow! And and it's not from just anywhere in New York State, either. This SUV is clearly from the Big Apple, as evidenced by the premium New York City regional plate, which you can order from the DMV if you enjoy giving them extra money for no reason:
Amazed, I consulted a popular search engine's mapping application to find driving directions between New York City and Hove, East Sussex, but the results were inconclusive:
So I can only assume that, now that we're "America's Most Bike-Friendly City," other municipalities are importing bits of our cycling infrastructure--including its most defining characteristic, which is SUVs parked squarely in the middle of it.
In other news, did you know the UCI Track Cycling World Championships are currently taking place? Of course you didn't, because track cycling makes hurling seem mainstream. Nevertheless, a "controversy" has emerged over the following video, which appears to depict UCI president Brian Cookson interrupting the riders' training so he can ride around on the velodrome:
You might think urban cycling advocates are the smuggest people in the bike world, but they can't come close to track cyclists when it comes to self-importance. You'd think from this guy's tone that this is the 1936 Olympics, he's Jesse Owens, and Brian Cookson is Hitler. I mean sure, I'm sure the riders are stressed out and all, but it's important to keep this event in its proper perspective, and there are probably more riders competing in the UCI Track Cycling World Championships than there are people watching it. Plus, given the bewildering number of events in this discipline I don't think there's a single track cyclist who doesn't hold some sort of medal on at least the national level. Talk to any trackie on a group ride and he or she has medaled in something. "I won a bronze at Masters' Nats in the 246.5 meter pursuit in the 44-44.5 age group."
Anyway, for his part, Brian Cookson denies it:
For what it's worth, I never stopped any training to ride on the track. I have too much respect for the athletes to ever do that #SQY15
— Brian Cookson OBE (@BrianCooksonUCI) February 20, 2015
Which if you ask me is completely unnecessary, because if I were UCI president I'd shut down any venue at my whim in order to noodle around on it: road, cyclocross, cross-country mountain bike, you name it. I mean, what the hell good is it presiding over a sport nobody cares about if you don't even get to ride the courses whenever you feel like it? Plus, these riders have had all season to train, so if one hour is going to totally derail them then maybe they were meant to lose.
Finally, yesterday we ogled this bike:
So I headed over to the Visp website to peruse their other offerings, and was impressed to see they offer what appears to be an Eroica-style bike, complete with non-aero brake levers:
I'm not sure it's the perfect bike for Eroica California this April:
Though it would be great for the "GFNY Vintage:"
A knock-off bike for a knock-off event.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then yay, and if you're wrong then boo, and you'll also see triathlon art.
Thanks for reading, ride safe, and ride often.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) UCI president Brian Cookson enraged artistic cyclists when he closed the floor of the Indoor Cycling World Championship venue so he could practice "popping a wheelie."
2) Which is not included in the $1,900 "GFNY Plus" package?
3) What is Nü-Fred waiting for?
4) This Yonkers bike rack was designed by David Byrne, who does not own a car.
5) Walmart bike "Whooo!" speed is:
(Nutcase: keeping urban cyclists safe by making them look 10 years old.)
6) The Nutcaste Metroride helment will come with an optional top-mounted propeller.
(This story could go Penthouse Forum, or it could go Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho.")
7) Fill in the blank:
Following the procedure one messy, slushy Hell’s Kitchen March evening, a young man showed up and asked if I knew of any bike stores that were open to fix his flat tire. It being after 6 p.m., I knew they were all closed, but told him to bring his bike into my bathtub in my kitchen railroad apartment. As an ex-bicycle messenger who still rode, I always had a _________________.
***Special Huffy-Themed Bonus Video***
Production note: this blog post composed entirely from a beanbag