Friday, February 20, 2015

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

There are certain sights that are quintessentially New York: the Empire State Building's spire disappearing into the fog; an indigent man with an inflamed prostate trying in vain to urinate on a subway platform whilst spewing racist invective; and of course a big fat Ford Expulsion or similar SUV parked in the bike lane.

Well, here's a picture of that last thing...only with a twist:


In the photographer's own words:

Hi Snob,

So I was walking home from work the other night and (rather unusually for these parts), noticed an enormous car parked blocking the bike lane. Upon closer inspection I saw that it had New York plates. “Nothing strange about that” you might say, except that I live in Hove, East Sussex, UK. Not a great ambassador for your great State, I think you’ll agree ;)

Wow!  And and it's not from just anywhere in New York State, either.  This SUV is clearly from the Big Apple, as evidenced by the premium New York City regional plate, which you can order from the DMV if you enjoy giving them extra money for no reason:

Amazed, I consulted a popular search engine's mapping application to find driving directions between New York City and Hove, East Sussex, but the results were inconclusive:


So I can only assume that, now that we're "America's Most Bike-Friendly City," other municipalities are importing bits of our cycling infrastructure--including its most defining characteristic, which is SUVs parked squarely in the middle of it.

In other news, did you know the UCI Track Cycling World Championships are currently taking place?  Of course you didn't, because track cycling makes hurling seem mainstream.  Nevertheless, a "controversy" has emerged over the following video, which appears to depict UCI president Brian Cookson interrupting the riders' training so he can ride around on the velodrome:



You might think urban cycling advocates are the smuggest people in the bike world, but they can't come close to track cyclists when it comes to self-importance.  You'd think from this guy's tone that this is the 1936 Olympics, he's Jesse Owens, and Brian Cookson is Hitler.  I mean sure, I'm sure the riders are stressed out and all, but it's important to keep this event in its proper perspective, and there are probably more riders competing in the UCI Track Cycling World Championships than there are people watching it.  Plus, given the bewildering number of events in this discipline I don't think there's a single track cyclist who doesn't hold some sort of medal on at least the national level.  Talk to any trackie on a group ride and he or she has medaled in something.  "I won a bronze at Masters' Nats in the 246.5 meter pursuit in the 44-44.5 age group."

Anyway, for his part, Brian Cookson denies it:

Which if you ask me is completely unnecessary, because if I were UCI president I'd shut down any venue at my whim in order to noodle around on it: road, cyclocross, cross-country mountain bike, you name it.  I mean, what the hell good is it presiding over a sport nobody cares about if you don't even get to ride the courses whenever you feel like it?  Plus, these riders have had all season to train, so if one hour is going to totally derail them then maybe they were meant to lose.

Finally, yesterday we ogled this bike:


So I headed over to the Visp website to peruse their other offerings, and was impressed to see they offer what appears to be an Eroica-style bike, complete with non-aero brake levers:


I'm not sure it's the perfect bike for Eroica California this April:


Though it would be great for the "GFNY Vintage:"


A knock-off bike for a knock-off event.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right then yay, and if you're wrong then boo, and you'll also see triathlon art.

Thanks for reading, ride safe, and ride often.


--Wildcat Rock Machine





1) UCI president Brian Cookson enraged artistic cyclists when he closed the floor of the Indoor Cycling World Championship venue so he could practice "popping a wheelie."

--True






2) Which is not included in the $1,900 "GFNY Plus" package?








3) What is NΓΌ-Fred waiting for?







4) This Yonkers bike rack was designed by David Byrne, who does not own a car.

--Ture






5) Walmart bike "Whooo!" speed is:






(Nutcase: keeping urban cyclists safe by making them look 10 years old.)

6) The Nutcaste Metroride helment will come with an optional top-mounted propeller.

--True





(This story could go Penthouse Forum, or it could go Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho.")


7) Fill in the blank:

Following the procedure one messy, slushy Hell’s Kitchen March evening, a young man showed up and asked if I knew of any bike stores that were open to fix his flat tire. It being after 6 p.m., I knew they were all closed, but told him to bring his bike into my bathtub in my kitchen railroad apartment. As an ex-bicycle messenger who still rode, I always had a _________________.





***Special Huffy-Themed Bonus Video***







Production note: this blog post composed entirely from a beanbag

77 comments:

What? said...

What?

JB said...

2 day run?

Vernal Magina said...

Yowzah.

Anonymous said...

Top five and doped up as hell on Oregon medicine

BamaPhred said...

Already?

Flyover BC said...

Top ten

Schisthead said...

Uhhhh snob.... Pretty sure in the US, hurling IS mainstream.

Spokey said...

oh oh

serendipitous top tinnitus

groanhammer said...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_cryptids

BamaPhred said...

More popular than hurling? I should hope so. Confused by Ture and Flase. Consulting BibShorts Guy. Enjoy your weekend.

JB said...

I remember that Stu Thompson Huffy! Even as a 12-year-old, I knew Stu didn't ride that bike.

Mister Kulokowski said...

A Fred in need is Fred indeed. A Fred with weed is a Fred indeed.

3G said...

I'm sorry...I just don't get what VISP is trying to accomplish. It's like they built these bikes out of a bunch of people's parts bins.

I checked out their "facespace" page as listed in the Amazon profile, and it's nuts.

Spokey said...


yay

yay

yay

yay

yay

yay

yay


100%

☯  π«πžππžπ¦π©π­π’𝐨𝐧  ☯

bieks said...

Didn't notice the "PLUS" in GFNY Plus the other day. Thought it was a special event for clydesdales*.

*fat freds

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...UCI is requiring nutcases for all their track riders next year.

Anonymous said...

Stu Thompson came out of that tunnel like The Dirt Bike Kid.

PotbellyJoe said...

If Brian Cookson instead came out and said, "Damn right I stopped you guys so I could ride the track"

I think I'd respect him more. And by that I mean I would actually have something to respect him for, because right now, well...

I've never understood the Trackies, but they are so damn into it I dare not say it in front of them because I've seen what that level of passion can do when it's disrespected.

There's another VISPs with plastic wheels on Amazon http://amzn.com/B00T39LJ36

To quote Colonel Walter E. Kurtz, "The horror, the horror."

I see DeBlasio is back in the news, this time for getting mad at Giuliani's comments on Obama. So that's fun. Two mayors going after each other because one is an idiot and the other is an idiot. I can't wait to see who wins.

Lou Reed said...

You owe me money.

Whatever Happened to Frilly Girl? said...

That's an outrageous amount for Uma to come and fix your flat! At that rate she should provide a hand job too.

mikeweb said...

"I coulda been a podium contendah!"

PhatPhred said...

I put the Clyde in Clydesdale

Anonymous said...

So Eric Cartman used to do voice overs for Huffy?! Cool!

Freddy Murcks said...

I coulda podiumed today, but I wasn't able to prove that I am not a robot.

I SORTA REMEMBER MY NAME i JUST CANNOT RECALL IT AT THIS MOMENT ... said...

No Uma is Fryday Quiz?

BSNYC is indeed an anticameltoeite ...

for shame

Beavis Cleaver said...

Want to get impossibly close to the woman/women you truly want to be with?

I can enable you to turn your face into yoga pants then back again.

No Need to Thank Me said...

From the http://www.visp-sports.com/philosophy/ and Google Translate:

"For about 8 million years man walks on two legs . Our goal is for him to stop again . How do we want to achieve this ? Now, in addition to walking upright modern man also has a brain. And to this we send our simple message : VISP bikes are the best bikes in the world and are sold directly from producer exclusively in the world wide web . This is also the reason why VISP bikes cost less than a pair of shoes . Stop walking ."

Freddy Murcks said...

That Huffy commercial may be the best thing I have ever seen. In fact, IT IS TOTALLY AWESOME.

dop said...

I'll give BSNY two high fives: One for the Sex in Sussex, and another for the Lou Reed reference for Nu Fred. Up high twice!!

todd's high fives (ok, skip to 1:00)

Anonymous said...

That Ford truck does not love America.

Anonymous said...

Lou Reed reference made my day

erikbeng said...

Holy shit, did Optimus Prime do the voiceover for that Huffy Ad?

Anonymous said...

VISPS, indeed!

Lou Reed said...

Oh wait, I'm dead, so you actually owe my estate,

Shane in SLC said...

I'm still waiting for my stickers to arrive, but this is a pretty clever response to the parking in a bike lane thing:

http://iparkedinabikelane.bigcartel.com/product/i-parked-in-a-bike-lane-sticker

JLRB said...

Helmets? I thought the Nutcases were toasters.

Amos Robinson said...

What I was trying to convey with my masterpiece is how frustrating riding a biek is in a triathlon, enough to make you want to eggbeater the runners and swimmers. The 2D nutsack is modelled after my own, ladies.

JLRB said...

Huffy used to be America's choice - now it is a toss up between the VISPS and Team Camel Toe

JLRB said...



HTML link fail

http://www.totalprosports.com/2009

CommieCanuck said...

Production note: this blog post composed entirely from a beanbag

HIPP YDAD

And by beanbag, you mean toilet seat.

CommieCanuck said...

Wow, great ad, still true today:

"Huffing..America's Choice."

James said...

Ture or Flase: If Uma talked like the Huffy voice over, she wouldn't be so hot.


Old-timer said...

Hey! There’s bike ridin’ goin’ on! Fon-doughs in NYC! Eroi-cuz in Paso Robles! Not to mention the “real” bike rides: rolling out for doughnuts and a Coke. Which is what I’m doing in a minute. The Sun is shining brightly here in Central California, and it’s, yeah, quite warm outside. “Winter”. It’s a bitch!

I Got Shot Putting a Sticker on Someone Else's Car said...

If you choose to participate, please be safe and aware of your actions - you may be confronted with aggression or legal implications from drivers. Please take caution and use your judgement.

By purchasing and using these stickers, you agree that #IParkedInABikeLane assumes no responsibility or liability due to altercation, injury, damages, legal issues, etc due to individual use of these stickers, and your actions are of your own accord.

Crazy Eddie said...

It's $6.00 to fix the flat and $20.00 for the hand job. Bargain at NYC prices.

Hey Olde-Timer said...

GofuckyourCaliforniaselfie

Oh Where Oh Where Can My Babble Be.... said...

It's almost noon on the West Coast and no check in by Babble. Hope she's not off on another adventure in socialized medicine. Truly do.

Comment deleted said...

Where does one sign up for this "Go Fuck New York" event?

1904 Cadardi said...

3G,

Building bikes from other people's parts bins? That's exactly what VISP was trying to accomplish.

Thank you for bringing the entire fabulous line of VISP bikecycles to your loyal readers attention. They are truly awesome machines and I'm requesting a certain semi-professional bike blogger to reward us with a review. Please.

Anonymous said...

Hey Snob, didja hear about the swell Gold Biek from Martone Cycling that Oscar nominees are getting in their swag bag this weekend? Looks pretty swell...

Anonymous said...

if you want to retrofit your bike with those awesome shifters

http://www.amazon.com/Shimano-Handlebar-Mount-speed-Shifter/dp/B001L5Y1GC

Derek Ulrich said...

Welp, I finally got my comeuppance as a track cyclist today. At least I didn't get called a Fred though.

Anonymous said...

Dear Snob,

I don't know if you kept freestyling into the epoch of rolling tricks, Plywood Hoods and Kevin Jones. If you did, I'm really curious about how acrobatic cyclists make you feel about those guys.

It's like spending your youth worshipping Jimi Hendrix's innovations in guitar playing and then discovering as an adult that some guy in Ukraine was doing all the same stuff 20 years earlier while playing traditional harvest festival songs (all while wearing a shiny leotard). Or something.

Sincerely,
Concerned

let's just say I'm not a robot & leave it at that said...

WAN KER

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Ture Flase? Is that French?

Spokey said...

ture de flase

i heard of that. goes mastly around flase and get's near the iffy tauer at the end but is blocked by some english motobiek.

Anonymous said...

LAST??!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Dead last!

Anonymous said...

Kevin Jones!

Anonymous said...

GFNY needs a comma. GF,NY. Ha ha ha.

Larry Light Loafers said...

About two hours ago driving towards the Island I had just driven over Trogg's Neck Bridge when I look to my left and espy David Byrne piloting a 2014 Pink Paisley Prius. The NY license plate read F00K-U. Well he is Scottish.

L.L.L. said...

Oh yes. One other thing.

Wild thing*
You make my schrader spin
You make everything ... helmenty
Come on, come on, Wild thing!

*Wild thing = Uma

Anonymous said...

BBC shows some Russian Ukrainians enjoying
winter cycling
while the "punishment" battalions organize for a putsch.

Refreshing!

Anonymous said...

LAST??!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

LIVING LAST??!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Live LAST ,WICKED!!!!!!!!!!

bieks said...

Getting past all my tri biases and the overly zoomy video, the art ain't too bad. Well, that, and the whole last thing is just annoying. Will anon keep it up through the weekend? Enquiring minds want to know.

bieks said...

Y'know, if Nutcase put a propeller on it, I have to buy one. Or not.

bieks said...

Seriously, Boris bike guy does not get cold. When that space probe buzzes Pluto (less than 3 feet) and gets some photos this July, someone's gotta photoshop him there.

The Three Splooges said...

What ever happened to Uma? The gal who could orally reinflate one's tubular dimension to its former density?

dop said...

Whatever happens, we should never warn Uma about cycling in yoga pants.

Uma said...

Hello Boys! May I use saliva to find the whole in your tube?

Anonymous said...

Blah blah blah

a camel said...

4 out of 5 doctors prefer scranus

babble on said...

OMG, I learn SO MUCH here! Thanks, Snobi-Wan. This here blogular location is truly a cultural cornerstone. All this time, I figured hurling was something college students did on a Friday night after a few too many beer!

Oh where oh where... oh bless your heart! Thank you. Nah, no crashes this week, despite a few km on the bike. I am decidedly happy and well, thank you. Just working on building and promoting the second and third mssions, in what is the evolution of escape rooms. Dunno how it happened, but I am a part of the coolest little company in town. If any of you Vancouverites want to come and play, just use the promotional code EarlyAdopter for 30% off.

Mikeweb - there is hope after layoffs. I was gutted to lose my job a couple of years ago, but it forced a re-think, and I am sooo happy now to be working with a truly inspired team of characters. A few of us are also building world record breaking waterslides (the biggest one- called Skycalibre - is coming to New Jersey soon, though you didn't hear it here:) Google Skyturtle. Have hope, consider what you would truly love to do, and then dream big.

Oh, and if you want a change of perspective, bring that gorgeous woman who loves you so, and come to the West coast. You are welcome to come and kick some ass on a few Escape Velocity club rides, y'know. Spring Series starts next weekend, so you could even join us for a race or two!

BamaPhred said...

Ok Slayer fans, how do you know your favorite band has become passΓ©? They have booked a gig in a town near me.
I'm not sure I have ever actually listened to a Slayer tune. I generally describe that genre as a cacophony leavened with hoots, barks, and growls.

Anonymous said...

Ummm...Iz 'dat a pikshure/rendering of da Manshattening skyline in the vanity/premium plate featuring the "Twin Towers"/Worlds Trades Centers?? Ewwww......