(Snarky Comments On Signs: Life Imitates Internet.)
I don't think I qualify as a satirist, even by the most charitable definition, but even so as an Internet wiseass I'm especially disgusted by what happened in Paris. Nevertheless, to expound upon my feelings regarding this matter would be to go far beyond the purview of this blog, so I'll leave that to the likes of Salman Rushdie. If nothing else, I know my place, and that place is griping about bike stuff.
So let's focus instead on this guy:
A stockbroker has been sacked and forced to make a grovelling apology after tweeting: "Think I just hit a cyclist. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol."
The apparent boast by Rayhan Qadar - which police are investigating - was made on his Twitter account under the name of "Ray Pew" at 8.30am on Monday.
Wow. Nicely done, Ray Pew. That "lol" at the end was truly le mot juste.
Of course, it's all too easy to laugh at Ray Pew--not at his jokes, but certainly at his comeuppance, and also a little bit at his sculpted beard and hair. However, in laughing, are we not avoiding an uncomfortable truth? Is this not a freedom of speech issue? Can we really decry a religious rampage at a satirical publication, while at the same time tweeting a guy right out of a job just for making a stupid joke?
Well, sure we can, because the guy is clearly an idiot. If he wanted to taunt liberal sensitivities with a stupid joke, why not just say he hit a Sumatran rhino instead of a cyclist? Animal rights activists, vegans and their ilk would be suitably irritated, yet nobody would have taken it seriously, since cyclists get hit and left for dead all the time, yet the Sumatran rhino is one of the rarest animals on Earth and thus the odds of plowing into one with your Hyundai in Bristol are effectively nil.
Here's a little exercise in case you're reading, Ray Pew. The way it works is that a tasteless joke doesn't cross the line just so long as it's impossible. To wit:
Eminently Possible, So You're Gonna Get Fired
Think I just hit a cyclist. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Think I just hit a jogger. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Think I just hit a baby. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Think I just hit a Rabbi. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Totally Impossible, So You Sound Like An Idiot, But You'll Keep Your Job
Think I just hit a Sumatran rhino. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Think I just hit a northern hairy-nosed wombat. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Think I just hit a woman who would actually sleep with me. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Think I just hit Bradley Wiggins's chances of winning Paris-Roubaix next year. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
This is free career advice from somebody who sits on a couch blogging all day, so be sure to take it for what it's worth.
Speaking of things I have no place talking about, someone in the comments was interested in my tires yesterday after reading my latest Brooks post, so let's talk rubber:
As a retired Cat 3 who's been pulled (from races, that is) more often than a Venetian blind cord, my opinions about bicycle equipment are particularly worthless. Nevertheless, this is the Internet, and nothing seems to be stopping everyone else from doing it. So what the hell, right?
Anyway, when you stop racing you get fatter and so do your tires, so my favoritest tire for bicycles with those curved-type handlebars like they use in the Tour de France is the Panaracer Pasela PT in the 28mm sizeway:
It used to be called the Panaracer Pasela TG, and this name change confused the hell out of me when I ordered my latest batch as seen above. I don't know why they changed the initials, nor do I care. As far as I can tell they're the same as the last version, which is what was on the bike in this picture:
The old version also had a tan sidewall, but if you use your bike properly the tires get so dirty that you can't tell anymore.
Anyway, I find these ideal for going back and forth between pavement and dirt, which I do a lot now that I live up here on the mainland. They're reasonably light, they feel great, and the last time I got a flat was probably because I'd worn them down to the casing without noticing:
Inspecting your tires before riding is for "woosies."
In any case, naturally I replaced them after that, and the only thing that feels better than getting new tires is getting new pants:
So there you go. $60 or so in rubber equals instant gravel bike.
Suck it, bike industry.
Lastly, a reader from the world's worst cycling country tells me a driver has been charged for attacking a cyclist with his car:
Fortunately, his mustache survived intact:
Though the hipster sled was crushed:
But what amazed me most was the crash site, where it would appear from the markings on the road that the police actually performed some sort of "investigation:"
It seems that in the race for world's worst cycling country, Canada's Scranus has regained the lead.