Wednesday, January 7, 2015

It's the First Wednesday of 2015!



(Snarky Comments On Signs: Life Imitates Internet.)

I don't think I qualify as a satirist, even by the most charitable definition, but even so as an Internet wiseass I'm especially disgusted by what happened in Paris.  Nevertheless, to expound upon my feelings regarding this matter would be to go far beyond the purview of this blog, so I'll leave that to the likes of Salman Rushdie.  If nothing else, I know my place, and that place is griping about bike stuff.

So let's focus instead on this guy:


A stockbroker has been sacked and forced to make a grovelling apology after tweeting: "Think I just hit a cyclist. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol."

The apparent boast by Rayhan Qadar - which police are investigating - was made on his Twitter account under the name of "Ray Pew" at 8.30am on Monday.

Wow.  Nicely done, Ray Pew.  That "lol" at the end was truly le mot juste.

Of course, it's all too easy to laugh at Ray Pew--not at his jokes, but certainly at his comeuppance, and also a little bit at his sculpted beard and hair.  However, in laughing, are we not avoiding an uncomfortable truth?  Is this not a freedom of speech issue?  Can we really decry a religious rampage at a satirical publication, while at the same time tweeting a guy right out of a job just for making a stupid joke?

Well, sure we can, because the guy is clearly an idiot.  If he wanted to taunt liberal sensitivities with a stupid joke, why not just say he hit a Sumatran rhino instead of a cyclist?  Animal rights activists, vegans and their ilk would be suitably irritated, yet nobody would have taken it seriously, since cyclists get hit and left for dead all the time, yet the Sumatran rhino is one of the rarest animals on Earth and thus the odds of plowing into one with your Hyundai in Bristol are effectively nil.

Here's a little exercise in case you're reading, Ray Pew.  The way it works is that a tasteless joke doesn't cross the line just so long as it's impossible.  To wit:

Eminently Possible, So You're Gonna Get Fired

Think I just hit a cyclist. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Think I just hit a jogger. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Think I just hit a baby. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Think I just hit a Rabbi. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.

Totally Impossible, So You Sound Like An Idiot, But You'll Keep Your Job

Think I just hit a Sumatran rhino. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Think I just hit a northern hairy-nosed wombat. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Think I just hit a woman who would actually sleep with me. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.
Think I just hit Bradley Wiggins's chances of winning Paris-Roubaix next year. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.

This is free career advice from somebody who sits on a couch blogging all day, so be sure to take it for what it's worth.

Speaking of things I have no place talking about, someone in the comments was interested in my tires yesterday after reading my latest Brooks post, so let's talk rubber:


As a retired Cat 3 who's been pulled (from races, that is) more often than a Venetian blind cord, my opinions about bicycle equipment are particularly worthless.  Nevertheless, this is the Internet, and nothing seems to be stopping everyone else from doing it.  So what the hell, right?

Anyway, when you stop racing you get fatter and so do your tires, so my favoritest tire for bicycles with those curved-type handlebars like they use in the Tour de France is the Panaracer Pasela PT in the 28mm sizeway:


It used to be called the Panaracer Pasela TG, and this name change confused the hell out of me when I ordered my latest batch as seen above.  I don't know why they changed the initials, nor do I care.  As far as I can tell they're the same as the last version, which is what was on the bike in this picture:


The old version also had a tan sidewall, but if you use your bike properly the tires get so dirty that you can't tell anymore.

Anyway, I find these ideal for going back and forth between pavement and dirt, which I do a lot now that I live up here on the mainland.  They're reasonably light, they feel great, and the last time I got a flat was probably because I'd worn them down to the casing without noticing:


Inspecting your tires before riding is for "woosies."

In any case, naturally I replaced them after that, and the only thing that feels better than getting new tires is getting new pants: 


So there you go.  $60 or so in rubber equals instant gravel bike.

Suck it, bike industry.

Lastly, a reader from the world's worst cycling country tells me a driver has been charged for attacking a cyclist with his car:


Fortunately, his mustache survived intact:


Though the hipster sled was crushed:


But what amazed me most was the crash site, where it would appear from the markings on the road that the police actually performed some sort of "investigation:"


Incredible.

It seems that in the race for world's worst cycling country, Canada's Scranus has regained the lead.

92 comments:

Spokey said...

yeller thank lob

BackwardsDay said...

Last

Spokey said...

wow 2nd too? first the century now this?

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Scranus 2015.

Spokey said...

do i have to read the post?



what? robot is now a cow? what the hell is mooko

Serial Retrogrouch said...

je suis charlie

groanhammer said...

god has a plan and i plan on pooping

Two Claws said...

Two claws up!

Anonymous said...

Top Ten!

Anonymous said...

Doris or Wilma....

dop said...

All that is Solid Melts into the air? That would be sublime

Anonymous said...

Yesterdays #1 was a kewl guy with NSFW content on his website.....

mikeweb said...

Pew! Pew! Pew-Pew!

Gotcha.

ken e. said...

FRSH RBBR

Esteemed Commenter DaddoOne said...

I think I just hit Ray Pew....


...i've got plenty of time....


...wanna get a coffee?

balls™ said...

Nobody comes here anymore. It's too crowded.

Schisthead said...

Pasela in a 28mm width?

You aren't sitting on the couch enough.

Either that, or you're not eating enough when you do.

BigRedClydesdale said...

Ray Pew hits a cyclist. Doesn't say who.

Bono gets injured on his bike. Doesn't say what happened.

Coincidence?

:D

Bryan said...

Je suis Charlie
For the first humpday of 2015...not a bad day (well, here in America where no asshats are trying to kill you for a piece of satire). I'll have to try those Panaracers out. I am in need of 2 good tires.

JLRB said...

OK so to show I am clueless to what kids are up to these days - Ray-Pew the cyclist striker/bad comic says when he was in Uni he spent lots of time selling vasoline - WTF does that mean?!?

and yes, religious fanatics that can't take a joke are no joking matter. At least the religious "right" christian types are just full of shit hypocrits - see attacks on moderate imam

Jed said...

Looks like Rayan "pew pew" Quadar will have plenty of time to ponder his visage without having to rush off to broker stocks. My guess is that the cocky bastard won't be spending as much time in front of the mirror. Y'know with the nausea and all.

Slow Joe Crow said...

On a practical note, if you want a black sidewall the the Panaracer T-Serv is the same basic tire as the Pasela but without the retro tan sidewall. Personally I run even fatter tires (32C Panaracer Paselas) since I commit the horrible Fred sin of riding a cyclocross bike on the road.

Anonymous said...

what is that shit like 30tpi? get real, noob

JB said...

@2:03: ha!

Snobby, stop doing power slides and your rear tires will last longer.

Grump said...

Snobby, you forgot that there are very few "really cool" bikes that will fit a "28". Most max out at "25". I remember, a few years back, a friend of mine had a Waterford that you could only fit a "23" in back.
If you are a rich Fred, you won't be able to fit those 28's on your $6,000 bike, for those bike path/city park rides.
.

McFly said...

Think I just hit a joint. But Im late for work so had to drive off lol.

P.S. I don't feel tardy.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Grump,

I'm sure it's hit or miss, but the 28s also fit fine on my plastic Fred bike....

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Not the PC police said...

Nice segue from admitting disgust over what happened in Paris while simultaneously recusing yourself from commenting on radical Islam to bashing a cyclist-hating muslim dude shooting off on twitter. In this context I couldn't help but wonder if "Pew" is part of a home grown terrorist cell. Good to know where your wheelhouse lies, right?

Please_Think_of_the_Children said...

Courtland Milloy is trolling cyclists again.

There were no reports of motorists being killed by a cyclists.

Followed by the common plea to "PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN"

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/give-bicyclists-their-own-roads/2015/01/06/d814428a-95e8-11e4-927a-4fa2638cd1b0_story.html

JB said...

For the rest commenters: When Snobby types "plastic Fred bike," he means a custom framed bike from a guy in Bend, OR who goes only by "Fred" and makes his frames from 100% recycled Tupperware. It's then newest thang. Fred gets about $6k per frame, so expect a gratuitous review or advertising herein.

Spokey said...

Not the PC police

1 - he might not hate cyclists. might just be an idiot. article suggests that is the case.

2 - couldn't figure out how you gleaned he was a muslim.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Not the PC police,

I read your comment twice, and in all sincerity have no idea what point you're trying to make.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

wishiwasmerckx said...

Wait, what? You have to have a point to post a comment here? That's news to most of us!

wishiwasmerckx said...

...and I TOLD you guys that Snob was heavily invested in Panracer Tire futures.

Let's just hope that the SEC keeps its nose out of this comment board.

Anonymous said...

If Ray Pew (rape you?) is going to get fired for anything, it should be for the lame attempt to riff on the “Fresh Prince of Bel Air” theme lyrics next to his pic.

CommieCanuck said...

Nice segue from admitting disgust over what happened in Paris while simultaneously recusing yourself from commenting on radical Islam to bashing a cyclist-hating muslim dude shooting off on twitter. In this context I couldn't help but wonder if "Pew" is part of a home grown terrorist cell. Good to know where your wheelhouse lies, right?

Don't use words like segue and wheelhouse, you might hurt yourself on your batshit rants.

Spokey said...

look

rei pieu is an idiot

but worse is By Courtland Milloy. Far more dangerous.

Better to provide a special bus for cyclists once they get off the wooded bike trail.

How 'bouts this idiot pawk his caw and take a bus. Ban all cars from the city instead.

Not the PC police said...

Spokey...

Here you go...rayhan qadar - it's a semitic name of Muslim descent http://quranicnames.com/rayhan/

Bikesnob - last time I checked, making light of the absurdities of religious attitudes is indeed the purview of this blog. Recusing yourself of that sentiment and then following up with the report on rayhan, the muslim bicycle hating tweeter, made me laugh and struck me as being more than just a coincidence. Perhaps I'm reading between the lines too much?

CommieCanuck said...

He's trying to make the point that he feels persecuted because you did a segment on a dick who happens to be brown, thus thinly veiling your racist tendencies, ...and you are probably an anti-Semite.

Everyone is persecuted these days, even <a href="https://www.opendoorsusa.org/christian-persecution/>white Christian people</a>.

CommieCanuck said...

Perhaps I'm reading between the lines too much?

YA THINK?

There is nothing between the lines...except subliminal messages to buy cycling hats.

BamaPhred said...

Any post that contains the words "rubber" and "pulled" is OK with me.

I had pulled pork for lunch, and I actually had to pull it myself. Too Gentile-ish? Would Native American Animism be considered Gentile? I'm so confused.

Busy trying to jam some 32mm Gator Hardshells into my frame. If it don't hit it must fit?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...WRM, i would've loved to have read your take on charlie today. you are a satirical 'reporter' and your brethren were attacked for their mockery today. you have as much a say on this as rushdie... plus, the almighty lob will protect you... unlike the lord of some other pedo-prophet.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...all you amateurs going on about difference in a couple of millimeters... you aint felt nothing yet till you roll on some silky 650b 42mm.... on a road bike, of course.

babble on said...

Commie- Lol!! Um, if that's what you call subliminal, then please warn me before something direct comes along, y'know, so I canduck and take cover.

shutter_to_think said...

Serial Retrogrouch,

The next wave of bicycle market Freddom is a USD $10,000 road biek that can fit a 32+ tire. It will be patented and litigated by Sinyard at Sepulized.

You know, despite the fact that there is literally nothing at all new about it.

I roll 32c now and love it. 42 would be like driving a Rolls Royce Silver Cloud.

CommieCanuck said...

I had pulled pork for lunch

That's what she said.

bad boy of the north said...

Je suis Charlie!

dop said...

he should have told Buddha jokes...they would all be alive now

Old-timer said...

In other news…currently seventy degrees here in Planet California. Few clouds. Typical January California climate. Bike ridin’ weather for sure!! I’m headin’ out, right now. // This Blog, InterNet journalism at its BEST! Freedom of expression for all, pure and simple. Good on you, Snobby! Thanks!

Anonymous said...

Aren't the 28's just a little too narrow for many off-road surfaces? Or do you only have genteel, orderly gravel there?

Also, what's your preferred method for replacing worn tyres? My favourite is binning worn rear tyre, moving less worn front tyre to back and fitting new tyre to front.

Not the PC police but evidently Commie Cannuck is. said...

Knee-jerk much Commie? Looks like I hit a nerve- lol. Did the immigration assimilation gov sponsored programs y'all have up there add some battiness to your white liberal guilt trip or are you just an equal opportunity SOB?


BTW, I'm an african american jew, you ninny. A little racist of you to assume that I'm white just because I'm another fred here in the commentariat. Yes, we are not legion, but we are out there!

dop said...

I don't have a wheel house. I have some old rims in a pile in the garage.

ptitp

CommieCanuck said...

BTW, I'm an african american jew, you ninny. A little racist of you to assume that I'm white just because I'm another fred here in the commentariat.

Sorry Sammy, but, if you could comprehend what you read, you would have inferred that I was assuming you were a visible minority who thus had the entitlement to accuse others of racism, by some bizarre evidence.

As a melanin-challenged male lesbian, I'm offended by the derogatory "ninny", which takes you further from Sammy, and closer to Steve Urkle.

I guess all us white people on bikes look the same.

Anonymous said...

vsk said ...

Yummy 650b x 42 tires, love em on my old Peugeot PX-50. Vive la France etc...
I've always seemed to use 700x23.
I gotta get out more.

Now I gotta learn some French to catch up on the Charlie Hebdo reading. They bash Catholics pretty good in that thing too.

Just another sad day in the universe.

vsk

Anonymous said...

Plastic? Looks like Fred's bike is made from branches and stone:
http://static2.milkcapmania.co.uk/Img/Cyclone/Flintstones/300DPI/10-Fred-Flintstone-on-Bike.png

Anonymous said...

Plastic? Looks like Fred's bike is made from branches and stone:
http://static2.milkcapmania.co.uk/Img/Cyclone/Flintstones/300DPI/10-Fred-Flintstone-on-Bike.png

Anonymous said...

vsk also said ...

So when did "wheelhouse" become another corporatism?
I remember hearing it a few months ago, and thought, "wow that's pretty cool, a fellow boater" (Wall Street douchebag and all). I asked him and it turns out it was just some corporatespeak he picked up on previously.
I heard it in a commercial recently too.
Tug boats and fishing party boats have wheel houses. I just have a flybridge where most are welcome... where's Fred of the Sea?

The other thing is "optics" - totally dodgy.
Optics - lenses, mirrors and light handling stuff.
NOT
Optics - the way shit looks or oversight.
(or how it's going to look to senior management). The optics on this report are not going to be good. You gotta get some optics on those guys.

Cabin fever. That's it.

vsk

Ben said...

TG = Tourguard
PT = Protex

Same thing, different name.

And as has already been mentioned, T-Serv = black sidewall.

Regular guy said...

One thing wise-ass chem 101 guy forgot is sublimation. Happens a lot around this time of year in the northern latitudes.

It's endothermic phase transition, dumbass.

Anonymous said...

How'd that Mazda that hit poor Derek change color from burgundy to orange? Was the investigation so thorough and time intensive that the paint faded in the glare of Australian sun?

P. Bateman said...

i love when the comments section goes from the normal top 10 "scranus" and the like, then flows into some generally witty or banal banter, and then suddenly slams on the brakes and take the turn sideways onto Serious Avenue with discussions of race, politics, religion and all those safe havens of cordial discourse, and then comes bounding back onto the main road with more lighthearted nonsense.

oh by they way, allah can suck a big one. i'm drawing a massive poster of him doing just that right now. i'm using the wiki photo for boxer brief as my inspiration.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

P.Bateman... those three stages you describe is exactly the effect each of snob's posts has on the commentariat.... first laugh at the hilarity and race for the podium... then let the deeper message sink in and become more sullen... then go, fuck that: scranus!!!

dop said...

P Bateman...Elizabeth kubler-Ross couldn't have described it more clearly

Regular guy said...

That is a keen observation, P.

And sprinkled among the three stages of commentary are the Freddly volleys in praise of/denouncing some slight variation of bikes/parts/associated equipment.

All I can say is, I'm glad I don't have a road bike anymore. No more pussy footing about with tire width decisions. As long as it's around 2", I'm good.

Spokey said...

Not the PC police @ 3:12 PM

and that's suppose to mean anything?

my oldest daughter has one of those name things in your link, it states the following:

This is NOT a Quranic name, but Muslims can use it since it doesn't have a bad meaning.

Rana is an Arabic name for girls that means means “beautiful”, “gorgeous”, “tall and slender woman”.

She got it because I liked it. Didn't give her a choice. Oh and about the only thing less arabic or muslim than her are the polar bears.

but interestingly enough she is tall (6') and slender even after several urchins.


For that matter Leave It to Beaver's father's name is listed there. Betcha Mrs Cleaver would be surprised to find that she had married a muslim!

Spokey said...

Serial Retrogrouch @ 7:12 PM

first laugh at the hilarity and race for the podium...

completely bass ackwards

any jocularity during the dash to the podium is extraneous and completely unintended

Not the PC police said...

Spokey,

The only Rana's I've ever met were hairy legged deadheads who were quick to put out. Except they spelled their names correctly, with an "i". But now that you mention the Semitic origins of that name it occurs to me just how much our western hippie culture gleaned from our muslim brothers. Oh, what an enlightened sense of cultural diversity it shows! No wonder it's such a trendy name that's crossed these cultural and national boundaries. Sort of like the name "Rayan Quadar", right?

McFly said...

Hey for Allahmas I got me a BADASS 750 Lumen NiteRider light for the dark:30 rides here and it's fookin' 9* outside. 9. Shit.

BamaPhred said...

I, for one, have my Quadar radar up and oscillating, or whatever it is that radars do. I think he is actually Keith Maddox incognito. I don't wanna be the first IMARUNEMINADEETCH victim.

32mm tires fit! so now I have a gravel bike. But no dropper post or DI2, so I guess I'm really not ready to ride with the cool hip fast crowd.

I just aspire to be consistently average.

Dooth said...

I'm with our American Psycho about Allah sucking a big one...but I don't expect, nor want , Wildcat to express such an honest sentiment because REAL LIFE CONCERNS.

Jed said...

Looks like Rayan "pew pew" Quadar will have plenty of time to ponder his visage without having to rush off to broker stocks. My guess is that the cocky bastard won't be spending as much time in front of the mirror. Y'know with the nausea and all.

Jed said...

Looks like Rayan "pew pew" Quadar will have plenty of time to ponder his visage without having to rush off to broker stocks. My guess is that the cocky bastard won't be spending as much time in front of the mirror. Y'know with the nausea and all.

JLRB said...

Not the Police is starting to sound a lot like Chamoisjuice, not that there is anything wrong with CJ - a true troll's troll. Nothing to aspire to but if you are going to do something ...

Anonymous said...

been busy mounting them 32s

Strayah onekah said...

Behold... the crank tip pedal

http://youtu.be/WpkBA7HgNu4

I can totes see myself hitting the ground on every corner with these things.
PS. Your site works like shit on iOS

Bigger Is Better said...

I run 25's or 28's on my roadbikes now. There just seems to be more room to stuff an innertube into when you are changing a flat. The larger the tire size is directly proportional the amount of cursing involved in the operation.

Liama Jhons said...

this is just a hilarious post. really appreciating it. Lost and found

Dweizel said...

I fucking love panaracer paselas. Just about the only tire that fits my ancient 27" rims and doesn't completely suck in every way.

Lee said...

ALL THAT IS SOLID MELTS INTO AIR: a great book but I'm still not sure I've gotten all the way through it.

Anonymous said...

[Not the PC Police on a tour of hell]

Devil: Careful, the floor is made of lava.

PC: Technically it's magma. You see when rock reaches temps over 8000

Devil: Yep no surprise you are here.

Not a Poet said...

Here I sit all broken hearted

babble on said...

Totally off-topic, but this matters to all of us out on the roads:

Breathing deisel exhaust for as little as two hours can affect humans at the genetic level.

It affects the gene coating, turning some genes on, and others off. Got a pre-disposition to cancer, but you're doing everything in your power to dodge the bullet? Stay far away from deisel exhaust.

On the bright side, what can be turned on can also be turned off.

BamaPhred said...

Elvis would have been 80 today, and I'm feeling pretty old and blue myself.
Blue cause 8 fooking degrees.

Bama's Balls said...

we are feeling blue today as well

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