Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Everybody Follow Me: Party At Old Man Brooks's House!

Remember when you were young and some rich kid's parents went away to St. Barths so you all went over to his house to hang out?  Remember how much nicer everything was--the TV with all the cable channels, the en suite bidet, the giant fridge with a door like a meat locker that the butler had to open for you?  Then remember you stole the old man's rare Ferrari and went on an charmingly irreverent coming-of-age tear through Chicago?

Well, I'm going to L'Eroica in a couple of weeks, and guess what?  Brooks let me use their blog and that's where today's post is, so now let's go trash the place!


Not only that, but I'll be returning to the Brooks Blog for regular monthly guest stints--that is until somebody throws their bidet out the window.  But pending that, it's very kind of Brooks to indulge me, and here's a picture showing the very embodiment of their indulgence:


(Eric "The Chamferer" Murray cannot believe stupid I am, yet still he indulges me by not cutting me.)

So enjoy the blog and let's all meet back here tomorrow.

Also, remember: if Brooks wants to know who smeared pâté all over the big-screen TV, we have no idea, because we were at the library studying all day.


--Wildcat Rock Machine


98 comments:

gee business said...

Brooks sold out ten years back.

Anonymous said...

Podummy

Anonymous said...

podiating?

Andy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
wishiwasmerckx said...

Just missed the podium.

McFly said...

Eric looks forlorn.

streepo said...

chamfering my scranus

Synonymous said...

Sitting on a Brooks. Top Ten!?!

herzogone said...

Top ten? Now which way to that bidet...

Synonymous said...

Went back to read the blog but it's moved to EUROPE! Guess if I want good ol' AMERICAN content, I'll have to re-read one of Babble's blog entries.

Mitch said...

I like your red jacket..you're a lot older than I expected.

Anonymous said...

18506

11th!!! What? What? wow.....didn't read it....what?

Euro Spondee said...

More English spelling or immakillyou

Spokey said...

i'm confused

now i don't know what to do. i only have one biek prior to 1987 and was going to take it and the crit biek (and an old wheel set) down and donate it to pedals for progress this weekend. Figured that would make room for some new bieks.

Ah fuggit. I ain't goin to italia anyway. anyway it's so early i need some coffee first.

Spokey said...

now i'm babbling on incoherently.

so babs. no offence (youse speel it like that, rite?)

Anonymous said...

pack fodder

balls™ said...

I hope all of this respectability doesn't lead to less dick jokes on the blog.

Turtles.

Bama Phred said...

Scranus, and awesome. What about the cannoli update?

Bill Stewart said...

Have you ever tried an electric bike? I have been hearing a lot about them. I'm trying to decide if I should get one for school. http://www.melbourneelectricbicycles.com.au/adelaide

ce said...

"Inappropriate comments will be deleted", fine, you bunch of limey scranus botherers.

Were collabos even a thing before 1987?

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

ce - plus the 'optional email' is not, actually optional....
We'll see if this one makes it through:

It’s going to slow down the podium constest if Eric the Chamferer has to personally approve every comment…

Your comment is awaiting moderation.

Synonymous said...

Shoulde we be posting oure colourfulle comments on the Brooks site?

grog said...

Having a brooks bidet installed.

Bama Phred said...

Found the cannoli update, that's a lot of cannoli to poke down.

Billy said...

Reposted here because it will be deleted:

Gross Cannoli pictures, endless boring pictures of NYC streets, and crass product placement – I can’t believe Brooks let an American on their blog.
Your comment is awaiting moderation.
- See more at: http://blog.brooksengland.com/wps/countdown-to-leroica/#comment-90149

Bama Phred said...

Yeah, they probably aren't going to let All You Haters Suck My Scranus through moderation AYHSMS.

Spokey said...

why wouldn't brooks allow an american on their blog? are we at war with the italians?

DB said...

That was great, Wildcat.
One of your best travelogues.

Will Moots have a pre 1986 bike waiting for you in Italy?

JB said...

It looks like Snob is asking Eric if the cow was male or female.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Billy,

Great comment!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

babble on said...

Spokey- absolutely none taken - that's what it's all about. That and Americanisms...

Geez, snobberdoodums, you've got a LOT of sweet spots to spout on. One of these days you'll have to share share, sugarbear. :D

Comment deleted said...

I suppose we kids will have to fend for ourselves while you're having the time of your life at some Italian erotica conference.

Can we have a party while you're gone?

Anonymous said...

What the hell is going on with the sandal-wearing, extreme freight-toting, fixie rider's saddle?

Anonymous said...

Back at work my lunch time denizens !!!

vsk

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Nice!

So are you doing the full monty 209 km or one of the lesser wuss-bag routes?

Flyover BC said...

Imagine my disappointment when I discovered you weren't going to a concert of Beethoven's 3rd Symphony "Eroica".

Anyway, if you play your cards right, and mount the fly6 properly, you can have a colnago and colonoscopy at the same time.

Complete Critic said...

"What the hell is going on with the sandal-wearing, extreme freight-toting, fixie rider's saddle?"

He is not an ordinary idiot he is a complete idiot. He can't even tell when is ass is comfortable.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Hey maybe you can even hook up with Cipollini for the ride. After all he's from Lucca, Tuscany. I'm sure he can school you in The refreshment of panzano (volpaia) where " tuscan women " offer rivers of ribollita ...., local meats, wine

You lucky bastard.

Red Ruffensore said...

Red Ruffensore says

My theory is that his downward dog saddle position aids in 2 ways to his Fred Flintstone braking technique - first to allow him to slide forward off the saddle to initiate the braking and then as support against his lower back to improve his braking and prevents the bike from rolling forward and out from under him. Doesn't make him any less of a douche though IMHO.

"Anonymous said...
What the hell is going on with the sandal-wearing, extreme freight-toting, fixie rider's saddle?"

September 17, 2014 at 12:14 PM

"He is not an ordinary idiot he is a complete idiot. He can't even tell when is ass is comfortable."

September 17, 2014 at 12:28 PM

Bama Phred said...

Snob tweets: Dear Texting Driver: I'll put that thing so far up your ass you're going to need "Find My iPhone" to get it out again.

Now for an Eric the Chamferer iPhone removal tool once the offending iPhone is found.

Complete Critic said...

"My theory is that his downward dog saddle position aids in 2 ways to his Fred Flintstone braking technique - first to allow him to slide forward off the saddle to initiate the braking..."

That's a plausible theory, I didn't think of that.

Dooth said...

L'eroica sounds like sexy times ahead.

McFly said...

There is nothing to rent in Tuscany.

Anonymous said...

That was awesome. Between the trip to England to read the post and all that Italian gorging, I feel like I've been on holiday in the old countries for 18.67 minutes.

Anonymous said...

l'eroica looks kind of like fun, maybe. I can lend you my cherry 1976 Masi gran criterium with original campy nuovo record gruppo. Just kidding!

Roille Figners said...

PIX! PIX! PIX! PIX!

Mean Streets in addition to depicting the Feast of San Gennaro (sadly sans cannoli gorging), contains this awesome song by the Chips and this awesome song by Renato Carosone.

And O.M.G. I will simply pee my pants with delight if you ride the pink Faggin in l'Eroica! eeeeee!

JLRB said...

Just back from a ride in the 'merican grapevines - Nobody throws the bidet out the window until after I wash my arse!

Anonymous said...

Despite the glaring lack of lugs, your bike’s frame, wheels and saddle could pass as pre-1987. You’ll need to install an elegant quill stem, though.

il Pirata est Mort said...

I saw the guy with the dreadlocks eat fourteen dozen oysters in ten minutes (without using his hands) in New Orleans.

1904 Cadardi said...

I did L'Eroica a few years ago. Best retro-grouch ride ever. You can't swing a vintage Colnago without hitting a half dozen vintage Colnagos.

Hit up ebay RIGHT NOW and get the Faggin built up. You don't want to get disqualified for riding with aero brake levers do you? And get yourself some toe clips for Lob's sake.

DerZoots said...

So I was excited this morning when I saw the brooks tweet and thought it was nice I could read more BSNYC during the week.
Alas it is not to be so.
All these vacations and short weeks.
It might be time to hang em' up and move on to something new.

PotbellyJoe said...

Now I need to update my bookmark to:

http://bikesnobnyc.blogspot.co.uk/

Just be sure to remind them that ladder climbing competitions in Swindon are the closest Britain has ever gotten to a space race.

That should chamfer their collective scranus. Of course they will say that while we have thrown billions of dollars, and 24 Ohioans out of Earth, they have pursued nobler feats like saddles and stern-faced fuzzy-hatted guards.

Oh Brits, the forever disappointed uncle of America.

Freddy Murcks said...

Clearly nobody is commenting over at the Brooks blog, so I will comment here. The unfailingly polite Brits who normally frequent the Brooks blog are either distracted by the impending Scottish independence vote or they are still trying figure out who hijacked their leather bicycle seat blog, whether or not he is actually funny, and whether or not it would be impolite to call him an asshole for singlehandedly ensure that no Brit ever eats another canolli.

Anyway, I recently visited NYC and I had the pleasure of making use of the Citi Bike system. I also stopped at the stop lights because (a) I was keen to avoid any sort of interaction with the NYPD, (b) I didn't want to die, and (c) I was on vacation and I wasn't in a particular hurry. But I will be damned if I wasn't the only rider in the whole city who stopped at the lights. I even found myself riding amongst the NYC Century riders and none of them stopped either - hipsters, freds, and total squares are all equal in their disdain for NYC's stoplights.

Very truly yours in scranus,
Freddy

BikeSnobNYC said...

DerZoots,

Great comment!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

semi serious cyclist said...

Snob, you really reached for the podium at the Brooks Blog - there's the sardonic NYC exposition the world has come to know and love from you. Today's Brooks post makes the streets come alive with photo-commentary every bit as good as Robert Capa the combat journalist. That post was steeped in the Dos Passos depth of the streets, of the vast schools of salmon that inhabit Manhattan.

Edgy, nervous, yet sublimely graceful as your ride moved you through time and space. The limos, the squeezes, the brakeless freewheeler! - THIS is blue ribbon bloggery. Pulitzer class. The Chamferer, he brings the best out in you like the protagonist in Knife out of Water.

Oh, and enjoy the vintage vintaging, and much sniffing and fingering of the tubulars once you get to that over the top tweed ride. Its how you tell if they're rotted.

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Freddie, I don't know about anyone else, but I sent a comment to the Brooks moderation bidet several hours ago (don't ask me how many, I posted here earlier, but there are three time zones at play here), and obviously none of them have made it past the dread eye of Eric the C.
We should just stick to being silly here, obvs.

Twob Rake said...

Do the tyres have to be pre-1987?




[reduce egoneo]

BikeSnobNYC said...

Twob Rake,

I assume so. I'm also assuming the air inside the tires has to be pre-1987 too.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

JLRB said...

How do you say Fred in Italian?

wool chamois

JLRB said...

Do you have to use a pre-1987 strava account?

dancesonpedals said...

I bought a 1970's Fuji s-10-s racer to ride in next years L'eroica. Is it messing with their heads to ride a Japanese bike in a celebration of all thing Italian?

Anonymous said...

From the Brooks site:

"Inappropriate comments will be deleted"

Fuck that for a joke.

So, are you gonna build up your Fah-JEEN with vintage components for the l'erotica? If you do please document the process and present it to us here.

Also, get your shit together for this trip and post from the road!

Babble Can Just Do It said...

Erotica and Cannolli eating contests. Babs says she can swallow, so she should be able to win one of those Cannolli eating contests hand down.

Experience Counts said...

Do you have to score with a Cougar as part of the contest?

A Ghast said...

Why is that man in frumpy cycling kit stealing food from some hapless hapless farmers field? Why is he mucking about his knees like an ill bred simpleton? Is this the type of degenerate behaviour that has to engage in whilst participating in the L'eroica?

Freddy Murcks said...

It looks to me that The Erotica is the original tweed ride. Is that an apt description? Do you know why they chose 1987 as the vintage bike cutoff date?

WIZ !! JAY said...

WRM official weed wed kit for you. No need for a bell, they'll smell you approaching!

here.

I can't even see that guys face but can tell he's nonplussed, which I think is Canadian for steadfast?

JB said...

L'Eroica looks like the absolute pinnacle of retro grouch Fredliness.

David Pearce said...

Dear Commentors,

Snobby NYC captioned the photo at the Brooks factory:

Eric "The Chamferer" Murray cannot believe stupid I am

Is it out of place to say that he should insert how after believe and before stupid?

Or do you think he'll never see this or correct the caption, or come up with some lame-ass excuse like, Trying to write like Yoda, I was, because he's now so far above up, guest blogging on a highfalutin blog like Brooks'.

D.P.

McFly said...

Maybe he was emphasising his stupidness....stupididity.....stupor....whatev.

Anonymous said...

Pearce 6:51

Was deliberate meta joke.

Cannot believe stupid you are.

Roundup said...

If I were to be stealing unwashed grapes from the side of the road, I would take care to select a bunch from above the urination level of stray dogs and wine-soaked L'Erocia participants.

Roundup said...

If I were to be stealing unwashed grapes from the side of the road, I would take care to select a bunch from above the urination level of stray dogs and wine-soaked L'Erocia participants.

Spokey said...

i think i'd really make sure those grapes are above cipo trajectory levels.

dop said...

sweet baby jesus on a triscuit! I posted on the brooks site & was told that my comment was being, "moderated". Moderation in defense of scranus is no virtue.

babble on said...

You oh so know it snobbums... I passed a masked cyclist today, too - a woman - and a fiesty salmon who stopped a whole line of cat 6 commuters coming downhill toward him with his undaunted sauciness. But alas and alak, no fly 6 photographs to prove it was so.

BamaPhred said...

So far I detect 0 comments that passed moderation on WCRM's blog over on Brooks.

So I guess the dick jokes, nekkid picture links, and other scranus related material I wanted to post won't make it either.

I suppose Brooks isn't a free speech zone.

Make nice saddles I hear. And some foppish leather jackets.

Ps checked out the L'Eroica site, no helments, they're all gonna die.

Anonymous said...

Really, Pearce, you miss that one...he's being ironic!

The Ghost of George Orwell said...

Spokey @11:25 AM

Of course we are at war with the Italians. We have always been at war with the Italians.

1904 Cadardi said...

The answers to the L'Eroi'otica questions are as follows:
Yes
No
Look clip less pedals
No
No
No, but you'll feel out of place
Of course we are

Anonymous said...

Whoa there Snob..

You can't just do something like this and expect this misfit herd of freds with no social skills to cope with it..

Just think of the viruses we could contract by venturing out onto the wild interwebs...

I need my BSNYC fix daily...but not sure I'm willing to see you selling out to the man for it.. Awe, who am I kidding.. of course I'm willing..

Freddy Murcks said...

Robba the Fords has cancer. And it's a cancer that affects fat cells. Coincidence? I think not.

JB said...

My Nashbar order is coming out of Girard, OH. Come to papa.

Anonymous said...

Seriously Snob, L'Eroica may be the hardest thing I have ever done. Rode (part of) it last year. Failed gloriously. Don't let the first gravel section fool you. I gets worse. At times the route is a goat path with a gully that cuts diagonally while the trail heads straight down at a decline you wouldn't want to ski down. Sections were so steep I had to lock the rear brake for control while trying not to go over the bars. Not easy while reaching to the down tube for a shifter. The most frequent words I heard were "il capute". Another warning for you, the Italians sing and put their arms over each other's shoulders as they ride-- up hill too. Have a blast. I'm going again next year. Look up Marco from Gusto Cycling and say hi. He has red wine at his booth in the expo.

babble on said...

What. You don't like a friendly arm round yer shoulder whilst climbing? How bout a kiss?

We can't possibly be at war with the Italians, they have too much style and we have too much to learn from them.

JB said...

Wait, there will be hills and ruts?

And why were you shifting while you were skidding down a hill, anon @ 9:49am?

BikeSnobNYC said...

JB,

Probably in anticipation of going up another hill?

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Bama Phred said...

Comments did pass moderation on the Brooks blog! The same that you would expect here, but I didn't see a scranus. But I think Commie left a fart. I'll give Commie the credit, too lazy to go back and check.

David Pearce said...

Man, that L'EROICA website is sure Italian: The website is about as clunky as the English translation:

PHILOSOPHY

L’EROICA WAS BORN FOR THE LOVE CYCLING, THAT WHICH CAUSED THE WRITING OF SOME AMOUNT HISTORY AND OF A LOT OF ITALIAN LITERATURE WITH THE INTENT TO SEEK THE AUTHENTIC ROOTS OF A BEAUTIFUL SPORT, WITH A GREAT POPULAR SOUL PEOPLE, AND TO DISCOVER BEAUTY


Alrighty then. Well, a glass of authentic Italian red wine, and a toast.....to toast.....I love toast.

No, no, I meant to say, a toast to the GREAT POPULAR SOUL PEOPLE!

Billy said...

You're welcome for the comment. I did enjoy the words part of the post, though. You have a way with them.

Name said...

Manhattan Portage now has a "Wildcat Collection"

Wow! BSNYC. Long way from messengering in the winter.

Reggie said...

That was side splitting tears and spittle cackle out loud funny. I woke the kids. Thanks wildcat.

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