Friday, January 3, 2014

BSNYC Friday Amateur Structural Analysis Conducted By An Idiot!

So it snowed here last night.

There was a time not too long ago when some snow wasn't really a big deal, but this thing happened in New York City recently where people love to form ridiculously long lines for no reason (it has something to do with gentrification as far as I can tell), and apparently yesterday morons were waiting on lines that wrapped around the corner to get into Trader Joe's:


Just so you know, assuming you have some form of currency, it's virtually impossible to go hungry in New York City.  Sure, if you lived in Zone A during Sandy you had some problems, but as far as snow goes it's a total non-issue.  There are people selling food everywhere.  All the time.  Like, every kind of food you can possibly imagine, and many you can't, and for prices that amount to some pocket change.

Of course, after reading that I shuffled into the kitchen for a snack, and discovered to my horror that I was OUT OF TRADER JOE'S® CASHEW MACADAMIA DELIGHT TREK MIX!!!



(Specialized is currently suing Trader Joe's over the use of the word "Trek," on the grounds that when people think of large American bike companies that sponsor dopers they eventually think of Specialized.)

After my initial panic I calmed myself by remembering that I can always trek schlep downtown and eat a horse in Central Park, but no thanks to new mayor Bill de Blasio my horse-eating days seem to be numbered:

Yeah, great freaking idea to replace the horses with electric antique cars that will silently overtake you when you're riding in Central Park.  At least I can smell the horses coming.

By the way, I have no problem whatsoever with beasts of burden pulling carriages around Central Park, and I was also amused to note that if you take this story and replace the word "horse" with "bike messenger" it's still completely accurate:

The horses built this country. Now they're just working a leisure job. It's not even like, hard work. They do a run cause it's 20 minutes, they sit around for an hour, they eat. It's exercise for them. If you take away the horses' jobs, what's going to happen to the horses? There's already thousands of horses going to slaughter in this country every year.

Actually, that's not entirely true.  You also have to replace the word "slaughter" with "Portland."

Speaking of Specialized, remember how I dropped mine and worried that it might be cracked?


And then Specialized was all like, "Have a great day?"

To be honest, this dismissiveness kind of annoyed me.  I'm a semi-profesisonal bike blogger with dozens of readers!  I bet when Fat Cyclist drops his Specialized they give him a free frame replacement and a handjob.  (I just made the first-ever Fat Cyclist/handjob reference on the entire Internet, and I'm as proud as I am violently nauseous.)  You know, because he raises "hundreds of thousands" of "dollars" for "charity."

Whatever.

Anyway, between the possible crack and the litigiousness of the company who put their decals on the thing I've been feeling increasingly uneasy about riding it, and so the other day I decided to take matters into my own hands.  It looked like the clear coat had sort of bubbled in the area of impact, and so I figured if I scraped it away I could see if the thing was actually cracked under there:


(It's extremely liberating to attack an overpriced crabon frame with a glass scraper, I suggest you try it immediately, preferably on someone else's bicycle.)

By the time the decal started coming off I figured I'd gone far enough, and so I leaned in and squinted:


It's hard to tell from the shitty smartphone picture, but it looks like maybe there is indeed a crack there, which I've outlined using Highly Sophisticated Graphic Image Technology:


Of course, at this point (or really before this point) a smart person would simply take this bicycle to an expert for analysis, but if I was a smart person I wouldn't be riding a crabon bike in the first place, now would I?

No I wouldn't.

In any case, stressed and going totally anal over your Fredcycle is no way to go through life, and I realized that, even if the frame wasn't cracked at all, by worrying away at that spot on the top tube it eventually would be, and that basically I'm behaving like a paranoid mental patient trying to dig an imaginary microchip out of his forearm.  I also remembered that I recently received these lavish San Marco bicycle saddles, for no other reason than I'm a noted bike blogger:


The red one, a Concor, is all velvety, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it.  As for the white one, a Rolls, it gave me an idea that has been the downfall of many a bike dork:

"I think I will build a bike around it."

For is that not the pinnacle of dorkdom, using some small component like a derailleur pulley or a water bottle or a scrap of handlebar tape as an excuse to put together an entire bicycle?

In this case though I figure I've got a whole bike's worth of parts on a frame I'm now embarrassed to ride, as well as an ostentatiously "vintage"-looking saddle.  Plus, deep in my parts closet, I've got a frame that is not only begging for a "vintage"-looking white saddle, but is also far less embarrassing than a Specialized, which is a pink frame with the name "Faggin" on it:


(The Faggin, coming out of the parts closet.)

Back when we were younger carefree Brooklynites living on flat terrain this was my wife's singlespeed runabout, but since moving to the New York City hill country and obtaining a Workcycles smugmobile the Faggin has been consigned to deepest storage.  Conveniently, my wife and I are the same height (well, she's probably taller but I like to say we're the same height because it makes me feel better about myself), so the thing more or less fits me, and so I think it's about time I eschew the overpriced superlight Taiwanese crabon and put some mediocre pink Italian steel between my legs.

Of course, I intend to keep the badly chipping pink paint, and besides the white saddle I will make no attempt whatsoever to "restore" the bicycle or render it in any way "attractive."  Instead, I'll just move the parts over from the Specialized and replace only what I can't kludge or otherwise force onto the thing.

Then I'll take the plastic bike, strip it completely, re-decal it as a brand new Pinarello, and sell it for a shitload of money on eBay.

Speaking of saddles, I am still quite comfortable on the Brooks Cambium:


(Dead Christmas trees are more seasonally appropriate than disembodied hands.)

Though on the last couple of rides I seemed to be detecting a slight and occasional creaking from the saddle rails when I shimmy up towards the nose of the saddle to unleash my awesome climbing power.  I asked Brooks if they'd heard of this happening before, and they told me they had not, and to their credit they neglected to add that it's probably because I'm such a fatass.

Anyway, I'll schpritz some lube in there and see if it goes away, and I'll let you know if it works just as soon as some of this goddamn snow melts.

See you at Trader Joe's.  Happy plundering.

158 comments:

Flyover BC said...

Podium again

dnk said...

Goo!

mikeweb said...

TeeeeJaaaay's

Anonymous said...

Must be a slow day # 4or 5?

--Plutarco.

JB said...

Crakon Fibber

Marcel Da Chump said...

"The bike messenger built this country."

Your welcome.

Anonymous said...

Happy new year mostly just commenting to see if I get the robot words right -dr paul proteus

Cipo said...

...put some mediocre pink Italian steel between my legs.

You will be hearing from my lawyer about this outrageous slander.


Oh, and:

Eating pussy.

crosspalms said...

Mostly shoveled out here but could use some warmth. I'm going to Trader Joe's tomorrow, if I see any of the t**k mix I'll pick some up and eat it for you.

JB said...

You have disappointed Eric the Chamferer with your non-Brooksian saddles. The last person to disappoint Eric was Seal. You should get a titanium hockey mask.

Anonymous said...

Why not ensconce your scranus on that red, velvety saddle. It'll look fabulous with that pink frame.

streepo said...

scranus

mikeweb said...

Wildcat,

When you ride the pink Faggin, I'm pretty sure you're contractually obligated to wear this jersey.

Regular guy said...

Good thing your looking to put something MEDIOCRE and Italian between your legs, otherwise old Mario would be after you like a pig to slop.

Another thing, without the horses, rats, drunks and the homeless pissing and defecating in the streets, NYC would have no way to replenish biomass. You guys gotta keep that in mind.

Krakow said...

Edit:

Anyway, I'll schpritz some lube in there and see if it goes away, and if it doesn't, I'll spray some under the saddle as well.

I'll let you know if it works just as soon as some of this goddamn snow melts.

the Jimboner said...

This afternoon's Happy Hour decisions.
A: Pimm's Cup with blackberry lemonade.
B: Strawberry Lime Daiquiri with Havana Club rum.

It is summer here and yes I am in the pool.

The wife will be drinking frozen Sidecars.

Regular guy said...

A riding buddy of mine had a pink time trial bike with a white saddle a long time ago. I'm not homophobic, but I still don't know how I feel about him.

Now the velvety red saddle will need an extra special build. Something chocolatey, perhaps. A new runabout for the little woman for Valentine's day.

RoadQueen said...

DAAAAAAMN!!!! Flyover BC at it again!

Nice second and third, dnk and mikeweb - well done, sirs.

I happen to be super jealous of the pink bike frame. I aspire to have a pink one between my legs someday.

Erm.....nevermind.

Anonymous said...

top twenny

Uber Fred said...

The lines around the corner here in CO are for weed. We had a flood a few months back and I lost most of my tools and all my spare bike parts, I'll take that saddle. P.S. my vanity plate would be "666-FTW."

McFly said...

Will someone please think of the horses?

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...true story:

...years ago when we had a blizzard in NYC, i was walking on my block in now posh fort greene around 3am when a man approached me with a box, opened it and showed me fish jumping around inside... he asked me if i wanted to buy fish.

...had i had an apt with a kitchen, i would have been able to enjoy fresh fish in the middle of a blizzard far away from the sea.

...no, you wont go hungry in nyc because of snow.

urchin said...

Trying to think of a contest idea that will let me get my hands on that cracked S####ized frame, Snob. Perhaps something about on-the-road testing protocols to prove that it will never break ever.

wishiwasmerckx said...

"Anyway, I'll schpritz some lube in there and see if it goes away, and I'll let you know if it works..."

THAT"S WHAT SHE SAID!!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, have you never heard of duct tape?

If you are really a nervous nelly, a little jb weld will make that pos crabon frame as good as the day the 12 year old Taiwanese kid finished machining it.

http://www.jbweld.com/

wishiwasmerckx said...

On a recent foray to Canadia, the customs agents demanded to know if I was harboring any nuts or seeds, and I was required to declare my Trader Joe's trail mix in my carry-on bag.

wishiwasmerckx said...

I see that disembodied hands have made the jump from bike frames to camping accessories.

mikeweb said...

"They shoot bike messengers, don't they?"

Hey, it does work!

commentatorbot_3214 said...

Uhh snobby,

That creak could be your seat clamp. I would clean and strategically anti-seize the seat clamp.

If the brooks is using their same-old hardware to keep the saddle taut, I doubt the hardware is creaking.

Those freebie saddles you got were excellent in their day. Now that saddles resemble micro bikinis, well... I don't know.

What's the deal with TJ's in NYC? Isn't that what Zabar's does?

Buffalo Bill said...

Nice faggin snob, I'd ride it if it wasn't so damn small. Be sure to put an extra long stem on there for the GTE

McFly said...

The lower case on my lawn mower engine had a rather nice crack in the side of it. So I drained her, hoisted the ol' girl like so many Tn murdered does, gouged that bitch out and filled 'er up with JB Weld. Works great.

Roille Figners said...

If you're standing in a line that goes around the block, I guarantee you made some mistake of judgment. (That includes liking shitty bands, seeing movies right when they come out, and being interested in sports.)

Shit, what are people going to do when there's an actual problem?

The lines I would say are a barometer of fear and docility, and they probably correlate well with obesity. (i.e. It snows and the first thing they think is OH NO, HOW WILL I EAT?!?!? when a more likely problem is how to keep warm with no electricity)

Snob can at least burn his Specialized frame for fuel.

I'm gwumpy.

Flyover BC said...

Looks like New Yorkers will queue up anywhere for any reason.

I hear ya'll call it standing "on line". But, I dont' see the line ya'll are stand on.

Out here, in flyover country, we stand "in line" because we are the line we are standing in.

3G said...

MMMM mediocre Italian pink

Yarpo said...

Okay, Snobbetino, you now have your Gran Bel Giro bike with that, "telaio rosa." Now you just need to dorkify to the max with the full-on maglia rosa w/bib shorts combo and snear as only Gilberto Simoni could snear during his prime years.

VV il Giro!!! and have some Chianti with the fava beans...

BikeSnobNYC said...

commentatorbot_3214,

It's not and they're not.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

balls™ said...

I must be a robot. I can't tell what that text says on the captcha.

Hand job.

commentatorbot_92374 said...

Well, then please explain the around-the-block fascination with TJ's.

Can't find trail mix in NYC?
Can't find bland cheese in NYC?
Factory food not salty enough?

Seriously, I don't get it.

4fuxake said...

a nod's as good as a wink to a blind bike messenger

BikeSnobNYC said...

commentatorbot_92374,

It defies all explanation.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

McFly said...

Roille, you may well be a gaul dang jeenyus.

Anonymous said...

Concor MMMM!! Velvety goodness.
Would go awesome on a red metallic frame.
They all used to say, "Yeah it turns to leather after a while".

vsk
relation Regewe

4fuxake said...

Now that's a bike messenger of a different color...

4fuxake said...

Not to beat a dead bike messenger, but...

4fuxake said...

Alright. I'm done.

Gotta go see a man about a bike messenger.

Comment deleted said...

It has come to this, then. It is less embarrassing to ride a pink Faggin' then to be seen astride a Specialized.

Fat chicks, motor scooters, and Specialized.

mooing. ionabcu. Yeah, well Idunnoboutchoo either, cow.

Anonymous said...

Snob, send your S frame to me and I'll handle it. I once convinced S to replace my Stumpjumper due to flaking paint.

Happy New Year.

Roille Figners said...

Thanks McFly - And you're the jeenyus with the peenyus!

leroy said...

That Traders Joe's is on Atlantic Avenue in the new Bike-Friendly Business District.

My dog says if I walk around Atlantic Ave. in my bike helmet, I'll get a discount.

But he also says that

(a) Mr. Sinyard was flying to NY to give BSNYC a new frame, but got delayed by the weather.

(b) If BSNYC lived closer to Specialized's Salt Lake City distribution center, he'd get the Fat Cyclist replacement frame treatment.

(c) If you are going to wait in line on a Brooklyn sidewalk to get into Trader Joe's, a helmet will protect against speeding Access-A-Ride vans.

(d) It's okay for me to make a snow angel in discolored snow.

Someone has to do a faux Friday fun quiz today.

Borat said...

In Kazakhstan, we have a saying: If a bike messenger is sad, it is like when a man is sad.

Anonymous said...

You got some 'splaining to do, Snobby.

If that pink Faggin really was the Lady Snob's single speed, how come the derailleur thread thing on the dropout wasn't removed as was the fashion of the day? If, as I suspect, it's really your frame, and has been all along -- you needn't be ashamed or embarrassed about it in this day and age.

The securing of the chain is exemplary, but somebody did a really shit tiling job on that wall.

What are those stains on the Brooks saddle? No, on second thoughts don't answer that, but you might want to shy away from white saddles in the future. Or at least desist from riding naked.

Do you realise your dead xmas tree bike's saddle bag sports a Specialized logo? Subliminal advertising?

On the same bike, the valve on the front wheel is handsomely lined up with the letter "I" in "Gatorskin". The rear valve, however, (obscured by the seat stay) is, I would guess, aligned with the letter "R" in "Gatorskin". This really isn't good enough, is it?

Finally, how come you haven't installed disc brakes on your dead xmas tree bike? Road discs are all the rage.

Mr Plow said...

I've been through the desert on a bike messenger with no name.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Would you guys stop bike messengering around and get back to work? Christ, the holidays are over already.

Mr Plow said...

AYHSMB
all you horses suck my balls

JLRB said...

"If you see a massive fight break out in a produce section, remember to hold your phone horizontally when you film it."

Words to live by

JLRB said...

When riding a pink faggin through Central Park beware of carriage men saying "You boy, I need you to help wipe my horses arse, 116 times"

Have a nice day!

JLRB said...

RIDING A HORSE GIVES BALL CANCER TO BIKE MESSENGERS

Have a nice day!

jim cassa said...

Snob, stay warm and thanks for all the Chuckles and Ire in 2013. Looking forward to another ass backwards year in 2014.

Comment deleted said...

DB, pardon the intrusion, but I'm dropping a "post of the day" on JLRB, right now.

Dooth said...

"Wild bike messengers couldn't draaaag meeee awaaay"


ge© said...

Actually,

RIDING A HORSE GIVES LOWERS BIKE MESSENGERS SPERM COUNT AND GIVES THEM BALL CANCER

Anonymous said...

Don't stop and change bike messengers mid-stream.

JB said...

Anon @ 2:18: I'm no wrench, but the chain looks too short to run through a derailleur.

Anonymous said...

BIKE MESSENGERS ARE LOSERS BIKING GIVES LOWERS YOUR SPERM COUNT AND GIVES YOU BALL CANCER

Roille Figners said...

Get off your high bike messenger.

Hey, still works!

HORSES IS GIVES HAVES BALL CANCER AND SPERM COUNT, LOOSERS

Anonymous said...

Anonymous @2:18

If we've learned anything it's that WCRM is WAAAAYYY too lazy to saw off the derailleur hanger when making a single speed conversion.

ChamoisJuiceImpersonatrix said...

Told the girlfriend I got ball cancer, that it's like snake poison, and she would have to suck it out. I told her it would take thousands of treatments. FTW.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...huh, i never realized that the business in my neighborhood with the sign that says BIKE FRIENDLY, and which has no bicycle parking outside whatsoever, mean that you can walk in with your helment and get a discount.

...i think i'll just start walking around with a helment strapped to my head... that way i get the discounts and ward off attacks by access-a-ride whales.

Flyover BC said...

If you walk around with the helment on, they'll try to load you into that access-a-ride van (aka the short bus).

Anyway, last night I learned that if you walk into a bike friendly business (the LBS) while wearing your winter bikeen clothes, they'll look slightly amused, but they still won't give a discount on a new helment.

Anonymous said...

One of my nuts is much bigger than the other and she always AND I MEAN ALWAYS sucks on it first and foremost and treats the other like its that lil black crinkled up MCD french fry.

I believe she is what Darwin had in mind. Nutural Selection.

Anonymous said...

Serial Retrogrouch,

Someone at that bike friendly store knows a sign is far, far cheaper than a bike rack.

To be fair, the business owner may lease from an entity that will not permit bike racks.

Could be one, the other, or something else entirely.

robot posted asstopper

JB said...

Who the f keeps track of which nut gets sucked first?

"You always take the piece of pizza that is at the 4 o'clock position."
"Who freakin' cares; you're eating pizza!"

leroy said...

You can lead a bike messenger to water, but you can't make him

(a) drink

(b) think

(c) blink

(d) bathe

Got mistaken for a bike messenger on my way in to my place of employment a few years back. Proudest day of my career.

JB said...

Also, I ordered a small digital scale and a hanging scale from Amazon today. They are purportedly for Pinewood derby car building (but really only the small one). I can't wait to weight my bikes on the hanging scale (never done it before).

What's happening to me?!

Anonymous said...

1. my balls deliver sweet and sticky validation and self worth. No other ruse needed.

2. FTW means FUCK THE WORLD. The reappropriation of FTW bothers me as much if not more, than the misuse of "Fred"

Serial Retrogrouch said...

leroy,

...a bike messenger once confused me for a bike messenger. i could have died happy right then and there.

Roille Figners said...

Bike friendly?

"Hey buddy, step back, you're getting a little too friendly with my bike. I don't care if IS a pink Faggin."

By the way I've had like 3 LOLs today just from reading, and then remembering twice, the mere fact that a frame exists that is pink and says Faggin on it, and it came that way, i.e. nobody painted it on there as a joke, or a slur, or a gay pride declaration. (Though riding or parking it anywhere will likely be interpreted as the latter.)

Serial Retrogrouch said...

...yes, i faggin love it.

Roille Figners said...

So it's Italian? Is it pronounced fa-JEEN? FA-jin?

Comment deleted said...

I'm falling in love with that fuggin Faggin. The cheesy font! In garish yellow! The subtle clashing of the Tour stripes with the cherry-icing pink...

My god, it's beautiful. How do the Italians do it? (Shut up, Cipo, I already know how *you* do it).

ge© said...

Anon 2:56 - Lazy yes, and too noncommital.

Hung like a bike messenger - does that change the meaning from compliment to insult?

Roille Figners said...

All about Faggin - warning, contains boring facts; do not read if you treasure the mystery

RoadQueen said...

Riding: The art of keeping a bike messenger between yourself and the ground.

One way to stop a runaway bike messenger is to bet on him.

A bike messenger is dangerous at both ends and uncomfortable in the middle.

There are more bike messengers’ asses in this world than there are bike messengers.

That's all.....for now.

DB said...

CD:
I was ready to gift Borat at 2:14 with comment of the day, then a sudden flurry of humor hit and I held back.
You can have the honor today, too many good ones for me to choose.

Anonymous said...

"mediocre pink italian steel"

so... mario cipollini?

Patti Smith said...

My debut album is now called Bike Messengers.

Anonymous said...

Snob - I bought a velvety red Rolls saddle a few years ago when they were reissued and found that it bled color like fresh blue denim on white leather car seats.

Maybe they've gotten the dye right since then, but before you use your favorite $10000 rapha pants/bibs you got for free, put on a pair of old pants (shants?) that you're planning to throw out anyway and ride around on the red saddle for a bit.

Anonymous said...

I have to pee like a race bike messenger!


Okay, that one doesn't make any sense. Since when to bike messengers race?

Anonymous said...

http://www.fagginbikes.com/images/stories/galleryvintage/crono%20faggin%2080.jpg

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

White bar tape too on the Faggin for sure.

Anonymous said...

May your rebuilt Faggin look this good when you are done with it.

http://cyclepista.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/faggin.jpg

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Don't look a gift bike messenger in the mouth.

mikeweb said...

anon 4:37,

What are you talking about?! There's no bicycle in that photo. Obviously that's just some American Apparel ad you found.

Anonymous said...

BTW Snob, as an actual honest to lob structural engineer, I don't know that I'd have done anything different than you did. I Would guess that the average steel, Ti, or AL frame is way stronger than needed with the only weak points being tube intersections and George Hincapie's handlebars.

Crabon? Forgetaboutit. It's computer generated voodoo on PhD levels. That scratch/crack could kill you, or worse, force you to buy a new plastic frame.

Hand job.

Jan! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jan! said...

In 2014, Chinese people celebrate the Year of the Bike Messenger.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:56pm,

Lazy? Emphatically yes, but sawing off a derailleur hanger is just stupid.

While I may be stupid, I'm not that stupid.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Roille Figners said...

Yeah but that derailleur hanger has to weigh like 20 grams!

CommentorBot9000 said...

"...but this thing happened in New York City recently where people love to form ridiculously long lines for no reason (it has something to do with gentrification as far as I can tell), and apparently yesterday morons were waiting on lines that wrapped around the corner to get into Trader Joe's..."

New York is only now catching up with Baltimore and Washington DC. For decades people in both those towns have been going berserk at the hint of snow.

DB said...

Okay, I'll take the century mark.

CommentorBot9000 said...

Anonymous at 4:37

No derailleur hanger on that.

Anonymous said...

I dunno bout the white rolls on the Faggin. The frame has tons of chrome, and the seat has gold. The frame logos are yellow, no white anywhere on it.
I think black seat and tape would look better.
If you do rep/run/rub the white seat, that Fizik perforated white tape would be good match.
I would set the Faggin up with fatter tires, ideally skinwalls. Hammered steel fenders. And slightly more relaxed riding position.

McFly said...

"Oh man he is hung like a bike messenger"......OK that's pretty wack.

Anon 4:47 Comment of the Day hands down. George Hincapies handlebars FTW.

Roille Figners said...

ASCE in the house.



Consult your doctor before

taking diotoc

LAID BACK said...

If you wanna ride
Don't ride the white Horse

If you wanna ride
Don't ride the white Horse

White Horse
Don't ride the white Horse

No-no-no

If you wanna be rich
You got to be pump bitch


If you wanna be rich
You got to be pump bitch


Rich

Bitch


If you wanna ride
Ride the pink Faggin

If you wanna ride
Ride the pink Faggin

Ride
Ride the Pink Faggin

Pink Faggin

Pink Faggin

ge© said...

Well you've made a real bike messenger's ass of yourself, haven't you?

Blog Drafter said...

Blasé link-posting in the Comments section of BSNYC aside, this image ROCKS:

Talk about non-too subtle imagery. (SFW)

xyxax said...

Fuck you and the bike messenger you rode in on.

Anonymous said...

Just read Specialized recall.
http://www.lasvegassun.com/news/2014/jan/03/recalls-this-week-card-table-set-bicycles/

I hope this brightens your day.

Mario's Albino Tadpole said...

Snob..no wonder you sucked at racing of the bicycles. Try shifting your scanus back when climbing instead of forward. You will make better use of your glutes and hamstrings that way. Only go on the rivet when you want to get low and aero.

Magical Mystery Fondo said...

And of course Henry The Bike Messenger dances the waltz...

Oh Where Oh Where Has Our Babble Gone said...

Yes, we have no Babble today. We have no Babble today.

Anonymous said...

The 2014 Ford F150 Triton 5.4 has a very respectable 315 brake bike messengerpower.......I like it.
Love, McFly(I cannot figure out how to sign a URL from an I intellengence phone)

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 5:24pm,

Where you gonna attach those fenders, fancypants?

Mario's Albino Tadpole,

Not aguing that I sucked at racing bikes, but I also didn't just start riding them yesterday either. I adopt different scranus/saddle positions during the course of a climb, including occasionally removing my scranus from the saddle altogether .

Whatever gets you to the top.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Rain Rider said...

Where is Babs? Was there an ice storm in Lotus Land? Has the steam cloud from the latest Fukushima meltdown finally reached the West Coast and rendered her keyboard inoperable? One frets and wonders.

Anonymous said...

One can also hope.

Some Guy Wearing a White Belt said...

Don't forget the white cable housing.

Anonymous said...

Hold your bike messengers, Babs will snap out of it soon enough.

obat gondok said...

ry shifting your scanus back when climbing instead of forward.

Dave said...

We've had a steaming pile of cheap bike messenger laughs today. And you know -
A bike messenger is a bike messenger
of course
of course
And no one can talk to a bike messenger
of course
unless, of course, the name of the bike messenger, etc.

Anonymous said...

What, no quiz?

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

I found Babs - she was still posting on the pre-holiday post this morning.
Must have been smoking from the valve pipe again.

Anonymous said...

Snob,

Incorrect...".whatever gets you to the top" is a defeatist attitude... Starva is watching...always watching... I would not doubt that the NSA is mining data from strava as well...

Bama Phred said...

Faggin, Fah-jeen. Gotta love it, it's Italian. I don't know, I looked it up on the smarmyphone wikipedium and it said faggin was pronounced Fah-jeen.
In addition to resuscitating the death machine, then I go inside to watch Bama throw away the Sugar Bowl. I don't care, after about a thousand of episodes like this and this and from a fellow poster, this The Bear is rolling over in Elmwood anyway. Stay Classy, Bama.
Ps and after Auburn flames out against the Insult to the First People, the sorority sisters from both schools won't be able to give their panties away, much less sell them for $20 bucks.
Kanye rant mode off.

Liz said...

There is plenty of work to be done for the humane treatment of horses, though you are right about so many slaughtered. Tethered to a carriage and walking on cement all day is stressful to horses. NY carriage horses are probably stabled underground and never have a chance to be in a green pasture.

Anonymous said...

Where's the complaint about Brooks dismissing you? Oh that's right, they are a sponsor.

McFly said...

Hey Bama if Kanye West and Kim Kardashian were drowning and you only had the resources to save one of them then WHAT KIND OF SANDWICH WOULD YOU MAKE? Take your time.......

wishiwasmerckx said...

Liz, so what you are saying is that Central Park Carriage Horses are like the fast food workers of the animal world?

babble on said...

Hoooooo boy, I'm off to a good start this year! Oh well, better late than never, right?

Lol'd snobbers... cheers. xo xo

Spokey said...

welcome back babs;

as you can see the crew was worried about you. I assume you just keep the holidays going until you run out of rum

Jocelyn Brown said...

Can't get off my high messenger
And I can't let you go
You are the one who makes me feel
So real

Anonymous said...

I was giving her every inch of that bike messenger dick doggystyle and she was moaning like a big legged virgin on prom night.

Bourdain said...

Bike messenger meat is a Sicilian delicacy.

Anonymous said...

Per yesterday's post, the pumping accessory in question is called a "crack pipe" at least it is here in America's Armpit. The reason AeroFred wanted 116psi is because he rides Michelin Pro 4's. All Freds ride at max pressure which for some reason is 116 on that particular tire. As far as your crabon frame goes, give the questionable area a tap with a quarter. If it sounds "dead" compared to the surrounding area it's probably toast.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
babble on said...


Thank you for thinking of me... :)

It's the new year n'all, so the rum is nearly history. My ineptitude has grown in leaps and bounds, though, and the cause is hardly a mystery.

Dain Bramage.

RoadQueen said...

http://www.chronofhorse.com/forum/showthread.php?424740-NYC-carriage-horses&highlight=carriage

NYC carriage horses are not abused. They've got more regulations to follow than cab drivers, including mandatory farm time for vacation.

They graze, they frollick. NYC carriage House see are, actually, better maintained and cared for than most horses.

RoadQueen said...

Damn it. Horses, not house. Stupid mobile device.

Bama Phred said...

McFly @ 10.28
A New York Reuben and the travel time.

Really, got no complaint with Kanye. His talent, his business, his shows, his time, and his fans.

The others, the KKKKKK parade is really tiresome, please just go away and count your money.

And nobody has snarked "They shoot bike messengers, don't they?" Of course, if you can't remember a 1960's Jane Fonda that makes no sense.

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
leroy said...

My dog wishes to point out that no one refers to canapés as messenger d'oeuvres. He wonders what's up with that.

I think he's just messing with me. He viewed the current Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee in which Mr. Seinfeld interviews Louis C.K. and they observe about ghost bikes that "sometimes it doesn't work out."

Now he just asked me to inquire "what's the deal with observational humor, anyways?"

Anonymous said...

Clean kludge for no fender mounts
another angle

I like the idea of the Faggin. 80's RACE BIKE, too heavy to be a real race bike.
Nice lugwork and columbus tubing, but it's not made by anyone that impresses people, and noone won any races on one, so it has no value to collectards.

Plus it's pink, has rainbows and says Faggin.

If you have to get all flaming with the saddle/tape, I'd go full flaming with world champ rainbow tape.

Anonymous said...

A bike messenger shoe is a lucky charm.

Anonymous said...

My backyard is full of snow and I can't play bike messenger shoes.

Bama Phred,
mikeweb already referenced that Sidney Pollack film.

BamaPhred said...

Oops, a breach of etiquette. Yes he did. Excuse me Mikeweb, I'm gonna blame early onset senility. At least I think I can get away with the early part.

Mark Caral said...

I just realized I now have far too many Specializeds. Must immediately redecal them as Faggins

CommieCanuck said...

Unlike steel, titanium, aluminum, you can actually repair cracked crabon frames to be stronger than new. Calfee does it. Even Canadians do it.
My favorite Faggin model frame was the Flamer. Fabulous.

Yes, I survived the ice storm, thank God for Rob Ford, who, for once, decided to do nothing. Now the city council is all arguing about who decided to do nothing first, and some idiots want to bring in the CDN army in case the US senses our weak underbelly and attacks through Niagara Falls. They will never make it past our fortified Casinos and stronger beers.

Anon420 said...

Bike messengers fuck bike messengers.
Leroy's dog says it should read "BM for courses", but I'm sure he's been mishearing.

Anonymous said...

That bike'll be tight. You'll be out there, getting your Faggin on, that nice fat white San Marco Rolls all up in yer scranus.... You'll be like Walter White, just out there living yer large ass life like each day might be yer last..

babble on said...

Commmieeeeee! Hooray.

:D

Anonymous said...

I know Specialized hasn't really done anything to earn a break, and the "Have a great day" was wonderfully ill-judged, but I wouldn't say they were actually dismissive. I mean, is it fair to expect them to produce a diagnosis based on a photo without actually seeing the frame itself?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 8:30pm,

I think it's totally reasonable for me expect Mike Sinyard to fly to my house and inspect my frame, yes.

I'm old goddamn it and I want some respect!

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Anonymous said...

Cut the bike messenger shit, Snobby, you're not a baby boomer, like myself and a bunch of the comnentariat.

Anonymous said...

Hey now let's cut all the bike messengerplay.

mikeweb said...

Bama Phred,

Think nothing of it.

Sage advice: Don't look a gift bike messenger in the mouth.

McFly said...

Is it unreasonable of me to assume that most bike models at The Fixxx are treated to a Hot Beef Injection at some point during the proceedings? THey seem to have the "whorish tint".

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Close enough only counts in bike messengershoes and hand grenades.

Matt said...

Isn't Catherine The Great reputed to have fucked a bike messenger?