Thursday, April 18, 2013

This Just In: It's a Three-Day Weekend! (For Me!)

Hey Dudes!

Remember this song, dudes?  If so you're both aging and a dork.

I owned the whole album, on cassette for added coolness.

Anyway dudes, first I want to let you know that I won't be posting stuff on this blog tomorrow (Friday).



Because I'm heading down to Washington, DC:


To say a few words and sign copies of my new book, "Bike Snob Abeard:"

So, if you're in DC or you plan to be there this weekend, please come to BicycleSPACE on Saturday, April 20th, at 6:00pm:

There will be:

--Foppish finery from Brooks!
--Blather from me!
--Gin, which will exude from your pores the following morning!
--Music from Sligo Creek Stompers, pioneers of a new musical genre called "Straight-Edge Death Klezmer!"

I hope to see you there, and if not I'll see you back here on this blog on Monday, April 22nd, still reeking of gin.

Speaking of Brooks, you may notice they have an ad over there in the right-hand margin, and you may also notice from that ad that they're inviting 100 riders to test their new "Cambium" saddle, which is 100% cow-free:


(Listen closely and you'll hear bovine sighs of relief.)

Here's more information in case you're too lazy or ornery to click on the ad:


The Cambium is made from a uniquely flexible natural rubber and organic cotton top, enhanced by a thin layer of structural textile for added resilience. This waterproof top, which follows the rider’s movements, is immediately comfortable, maintenance-free, and highly abrasion-resistant to offer the longevity for which Brooks is legendary.

Working up to the 17th June release, Brooks is selecting a diverse group of 100 individuals worldwide to be the first to try this revolutionary new saddle. Those selected are invited to try the saddle for a few months and share their feedback, which will be published on the Cambium website.
The individuals selected will include men and women of differing body type and age, using a variety of bicycles, and importantly:

-33 will be long-time users of Brooks Leather Saddles.
-33 will be cyclists who have used both Brooks Leather Saddles and other saddles.
-34 will be cyclists who have never used a Brooks Leather Saddle.

Individuals who wish to register for consideration to be the first to try the Cambium may do so before 17th May at www.brooksengland.com/cambium.

All registrants will receive a 10% discount to the Brooks online shop.

Just be sure to also submit a plaster cast of your scranus so Brooks can make sure they have all those differing body types covered.

As a Brooks convert I'm genuinely intrigued by this saddle, though I do have two (2) reservations, those being:

1) How do I know that the cow who was spared will use his reprieve responsibly and become a useful member of society?  What if he just stands around scarfing hay, chewing his cud, and releasing more methane into the atmosphere for the rest of his life?

2) There had better be something to chamfer on this thing, or else Eric "The Chamferer" Murray is not going to be happy and someone's gonna get cut.


(He will cut you.)

By the way, I am astride Eric's handiwork today, and my scranus is singing songs of praise:


Just lock it to the frame, bag it, and hope for the best:


I really hope it's still there when I return.

In other news of bicycle componentry, a reader informs me that Porsche (or "Porch," or "Porche," as it is variously spelled in the announcement) is recalling its $11,250 hybrid:


Here's the problem:

According to Porche the brakes may malfunction at reduced temperatures, specifically at -10 °C (14 °F) and below.

Which isn't really a problem at all when you consider that there's effectively zero chance of anyone who owns a Porsche hybrid actually riding it in temperatures lower than 65 degrees Fahrenheit.

In fact, I'd be amazed to learn of anyone actually riding a Porsche hybrid in any weather, and if it were to happen I imagine hell would freeze over along with the brakes.

Speaking of hydrolic breaks, yesterday I mentioned that they can help you attain Fred "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" speed, and I thought about this yesterday when I was out for a lunchtime bicycle cycling bicycle ride.  Here's my bicycle cycling bike atop the area climb that has been thoroughly defiled by the New York City-area Freds who ascend it day in and day out, often multiple times:


Say what you will about stem length, but I really need to admit to myself that I need a compact crank already.

Anyway, as I turned to go back down and stuffed copies of "Hustler" down my jersey to block the wind, I noticed an SUV full of doofuses in knee pads and full-face helments preparing to descend the hill on longboards:


This raised a number of questions for me, such as:

--Will they attain Fred "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" speed despite the lack of hydrolic breaks or indeed any brakes at all?

--Is Roller-Doofus "Woo-hoo-hoo!" speed different from Fred "Woo-hoo-hoo!" speed?

--With all that Fred traffic on the hill, some of whom zig-zag in a state of anaerobic delirium as they approach the top, how long before one of these Roller-doofuses collides head-on with one of the Freds and they all go flying into the Hudson?

I don't know the answer to any of these, but despite my lack of hydrolic breaks I descended very quickly, mostly because I was afraid of getting hit by a longboarder.

With that I shall bid you a-doo.  Hopefully I will see some of you in our notion's capitol this weekend, but in any event I look forward to returning on Monday the 22nd with regular updates.

XOXO,


--Wildcat Rock Machine



148 comments:

Serial Retrogrouch said...

ass monkeys go away!

le Correcteur said...

podium. First?

Anonymous said...

Ass Monkeys… ATTACK!!!

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Sandals? check.
Beard? check.
Recumbent? check.
Ass Monkeys? negative.

le Correcteur said...

Damn, Serial Retrogrouch; nipped at the line!

DB said...

Top Five?

theEel said...

WEED!

Elke Brutesaert said...

boomshakalaka

Yarpo said...

Foppish Finery!!!!

Anonymous said...

First time top ten??!!

Yarpo said...

Thank You, Serial Retrogrouch and le Correcteur for saving us from the Ass Monkey Peril!

McFly said...

Release the Scranus Squirrels.

Anonymous said...

I'm not a REAL Ass Monkey wrangler, but I play one on TV. Oh, and Top 10!!

forbidden_from_racing said...

Doping got me this top-20. Never testing positive either thanks to my bromance with Thom Wiesel.

Buy more cycling stuff. It fixes everything.

Serial Retrogrouch said...

le Correcteur,
i was on my long board of doofusdom.

Smoking On The Fire Escape In Weather-Appropriate But Socially-Inappropriate Clothing Guy said...

Wildcat, I miss you. Come back please!

Anonymous said...

hydrolic braeks are for morons, or the new breed of humans with spindly unused hand muscles

DerZoots said...

I APPROVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




12209nuafac

Anonymous said...

Bar tape is on backwards. Right side should be counterclockwise. Holy electric tape.

Anonymous said...

Whatever happened to the funny commenters? Like Jolene? Neckerson? That russian accent guy?

DB said...

Will miss you tomorrow,Snob, but may actually get some work done if I'm not taking the quiz and reading the comments all afternoon.
Make sure your credit card is working, mine got hacked into today as it does every six months. I'd like to spend 1300$ at Apple and 1500$ at Polo/Ralph Lauren but it wasn't me.

McFly said...

If Brooks starts running those Chic-Fil-A themed advertisements on the billboards I might just go out of my mind.

grog said...

Tell them Warshington political types: No taxation without representation!
Oh and thanks for the hipster pussy.

3G said...

Thursday Taint!

Elt said...

No moo in a Brooks?? What's the world coming to? Maybe they should use horse. What? Over here in Blighty we use horse in our beef burgers. Naaaaaaaaaay!

Anonymous said...

- Say hey to the BicycleSpaceketeers, they're awesome.

- Wonderland on 11th and Kenyon is a nice place to have a burger and a beer on a patio if it's nice.

- if you're there on Saturday, MtPleasant Farmer's Market has a volunteer bike clinic to help folks adjust their shifty bits and fill tires. I bet they'd get a kick out of having you make the brakes on someone's Magna marginally safer.

- check out roller-doofusing, it's fun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTszwPiJKsQ

- WooHooHoo to you sir, enjoy the weekend!

Anonymous said...

I'm going to try to make the Saturday Night DC Bike Space BRA thing. If I can wrangle myself a 1 day weekend. You will know me, I'll be the non-dashing one without any foppish finery, not drinking gin, and not enjoying any stompers. I'll be there soley for the Snob Blather, so I hope it is good.

Anonymous said...

what is with such a long stem on a multi thousand $ custom made bike? that's like paying a $1,000 for a hooker and then making her wear a pig mask while you're screwing her. or something like that.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I would like my Cambium with an organic hemp top please. Acre for Acre hemp produces much more textile fibre vs cotton. Hemp can also be replanted season after season in the same plot without depleting the soil of nutrients like cotton. George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were hemp farmers.

bogypte 123

crosspalms said...

Enjoy the District of Caramba, and if you go by the Senate, give them a hearty WTF for me.

Buffalo Bill said...

Dude! Who wouldn't want a rubber saddle?

P. Bateman said...

damn, had i not watched that musak video like 8 times i sooo like, totally would have been like, podium dude.

snob, when you rip us off by one whole day, can't you at least make up for it by posting something REALLY angry or REALLY awesome - like the Rob Fords-F350 dually slamming into a camera? that was pretty awesome yesterday.

by the way, for you New York City slicker types, a Ford F350 "dually" is a full sized pick up truck that is available with optional "Dual" rear wheels. the reference is apt given Snob's pluralization of Rob Fords due to his big fat obese ass.

here is one drag racing a mustang GT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLWG4DyGwl4

shooooh! dang that thing is aw'some.

Anonymous said...

I owned the fuck out of that very hill this morning and then I went home and beat off to my rapha catalog.

Anonymous said...

the longboarders should go back to coasting really slow in the middle of the busy streets or bike lanes where they belong!!

Aranxta Sanchez-Vicario said...

When I quit playing professional tennis I let my pussy fro grow out. It's one wooly booger.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Thank Lob you're ok crosspalms. I thought you might have got swept away in the great flood. You must have took the bus today?

balls™ said...

I'm not putting my scranus on that thing.

(THAT'S what SHE said!!!)

wishiwasmerckx said...

See you at Ray's Hellburger and Ben's Chili Bowl.

Oh, and don't miss the duck fat fries at Burboun Steakhouse on Pennsylvania avenue. They are to die for.

Marcel Da Chump said...

a-doo to you-too

mikeweb said...

I'm back after bike-cycling through dairy country and some R 'n R at home.

I may actually ride up Mt. Frederest tomorrow morning on my way to urinating in Piermont later in the day.

ChamoisJuice said...

D.C.'s got black people.

Perhaps my favorite t-shirt is a D.C. homie XXXL Tall T from Obama's inauguration. The front has Obama dunking from the free throw line, in fine Jordan steez. He is rocking red white and blue Nike dunks, a 44 jersey, and a cape. McCain is in the background looking slackjawed. It says "THIS IS OUR MOMENT" in glitter letters.

On the back, Obama is ripping open his suit to show a superman costume underneath.

It's pretty awesome. Rednecks get a kick out of it. Black people get stoked. White people like Wishihadaset are confused: they like the pro-Obama sentiment, but find the imagery too stereotypical and racist. HOW CAN IT BE RACIST? I bought it from a black dood, and it's clearly intended for a black audience.

Focus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
crosspalms said...

rct,
Yes, took the bus. Even last night there was a fair amount of standing water as I rode home, so today must really be a mess. We got a little water in our basement, but more worrisome is the wet spot on the 2nd floor ceiling. I think I have a roof repairman in my future. Hope the rest of you are OK!

Focus said...

I was riding with a new rider yesterday. 15 years my junior, waaay stronger than me, but super squirrely.

We were descending through some twisties and I heard the noise from off behind me. It was eerie.

This "Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!" vocalization must be some sort of evolutionary throwback/genetic memory thing.

RB1 said...

compact is good.

babble on said...

XOXO right backatcha, snobbabe.

Anonymous said...

Cows are definitely she's and not he's, or you wouldn't be able to milk them!

Neil said...

I'm obviously an amateur...I can't figure out how new brakes can help me go faster....

babble on said...

Pussy?? Where?

leroy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
P. Bateman said...

chamois - i also had an AWESOME Obama 2008 shirt i bought off of a homeboy when i was at the GA/FL game in jacksonville.

Had him sitting on a big chair (throne) surrounded by the family. Everything was super shiny - gold lettering, big loud colors and it said "First Family"

i loved it. at the time i sort of supported him. the rednecks hated it. A guy paid me $20 just to take it off so he could throw it away.

I bought it for $15 so figured that was a tidy profit for 30 minutes of modeling. but now would give anything to have that shirt back.

leroy said...

Well now this is odd.

I rode up Mount Frederest yesterday morning, but I didn't see the longboarders Mr. BSNYC saw.

My dog insists I should have seen them because if I ride that stretch after breakfast, I'm still there during lunch.

I don't follow his logic sometimes.

Oh well, ride joyfully all.

(7643 failete? Figures. Just figures.)

Anonymous said...

some thing do get better:

my tubular glue got soft and the latex sealant started oozing out of old forgotten pinholes when I rode too near the equator. yay clinchers.

My toeclips sucked to get in and out of on technical trails. yay clitless peddles.

My brakes weren't slowing me down enough, so I squeezed harder. Fukk dikcs braekes.

DB said...

Wildcat:
Crab Shack in Bethesda.
Corn on the cob, corn bread, crabs and a pitcher of beer with the Nats on the TV.
Perfect.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone have experience with making a plaster cast of one's scranus? Do you heat up the plaster first?
I might need a fluffer for this...

mikeweb said...

Today's post begs the question:

If Robs Fords were to have an impromptu football game at the top of Mt. Frederest, trip and fall when dropping back to pass (which seems typical for him) and start rolling down the hill, what would his 'Woo Hoo' speed be? Assuming he reached it before he rolled into the Hudson.

Anonymous said...

Muhammed, show us your taint

McFly said...

Took a new guy riding yesterday. He is a professional motocrosser. Flys to the races. The real deal. He is 26. We went 25 miles and he averaged 17 mph. Fucker. To be young.

He was draggin ass the last 5 miles. But still.

Anonymous said...

McFly,

boring. what happened to you?

more NSFW comments please

Chic-Fil-Fellatio said...

"Brooks, ...new "Cambium" saddle, which is 100% cow-free:"

McDonald's hamburgers are cow free too. What a coincidence.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Mikeweb, your Fords question is evocative of a Pythonesque inquiry:

"What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

Fords is certainly not unladen, but he sure likes to swallow.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Chic-Fil-Fellatio,

And very comfortable for sitting once you break them in.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Fellatio She Said, More Sauce I said said...

I'm thinking that if Rob Fords is standing he doesn't even see the top of his wife's head.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

I was going to fill out that epic Brooks registration form all smart ass like you do Wildcat then I thought better of it. No sense in raising the ire of Eric the Chamferer.

McFly said...

I thought I got on everyones nerves with my tales of cock slingin' and pussy stinging.(The good kind, not the STD kind)

Frilly Chick said...

I'll fill out their little form.

This BUMP would be interested in testing a new saddle.

Enjoy DC Snob!

Anonymous said...

also a recent Brooks convert but a little skeptical of the Cambium. I signed up to be a tester nonetheless, because I have no life.

Dooth said...

A vegan Brooks...about bloody time!

Jon Webb said...

Stupid of Brookes. The *only* thing that keeps riders using these horrible uncomfortable saddles is the claim that there is only one way to make a saddle (eventually) comfortable, and that is by using rock-hard leather that only softens if you treat it right (so if your saddle isn't comfortable, and it isn't, then it's your fault). Once they admit there's another way the jig is up.

P. Bateman said...

i signed up to be a tester for brooks. i'm going to ride that sucker bare back. it will look like its more natural leather color once i'm done.

mikeweb said...

P. Bateman,

I think after testing you may need to send it back to them so they can analyze it after you've analized it.

babble on said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Comment deleted said...

Is the Cambium semen-resistant?

JB said...

Brooke's "structural fabric" = crabon!!

wishiwasmerckx said...

CJ, you are so tone-deaf. It isn't the reference to black culture part that is racist. It is your oblivious appropriation of black (or Jewish) culture as your own which is offensive.

Did your mom drop you on your head when you were a baby?

velobotomy said...

McFly, you were mistaken. Folks who periodically complained were pussies without a sense of humor.

babble on said...

Yeah. Only not pussies. Pussies are great.

babble on said...

Speaking of which... where is that hipster pussy I heard about?? HMMMMMM???!

Anonymous said...

www.cows.are.female.com

Serial Retrogrouch said...

babble,

hipster pussy is out, flexible natural rubber is in.

Bender's Shiny Metal Scranus said...

@Jon Webb:

Not all scranii are the same. Not everyone is a candy-ass. And so on. Is it really that hard to understand?

Anonymous said...

TIP:

One might wish to get a crack-to-sack wax before making a plaster cast of their scranus.

DB said...

I've never heard the Dude song or see the video.
I consider that a good thing.

Crosspalms: more rain headed your way. Miserable here.
Ducks drowning.

ChamoisJuice said...

you are a confused individual. Yiddish is an inherently funny language. African click pop languages are the only funnier sounding dialects. In the PNW, people don't use the word "PUTZ". There is no jewish influence here. No putz, no chutzpah, no decent bagels, no muthafuckin' rye bread. Yes, there are a handful of people of jewish origin sprinkled around here and there, but they have no influence on the white bread culture here.

I was actually pretty excited to learn that Seattle has a jewish neighborhood, Wedgwood, as it is impossible to find rye bread around here.

Wedgwood Bakeries
GRATEFUL BREAD?!?!? Are you fucking kidding me?

I think a lot of east coast peeps views on PNW might be warped by Portlandia. That other chick from Sleater Kinney, Carrie Brownstein, is the star, and obviously hebrew. She is a perfect example of Jewish demographics in the U.S.A.
http://www.ancestry.com/name-origin?surname=brownstein
New York: 46% (167 of 362)
WA: less than 1% (1 of 362)
OR: less than 1% (2 of 362)

Anonymous said...

Ha! And for SOME REASON people are complaining that this comments section has gone downhill!

wishiwasmerckx said...

Hmmm, I ran Chamois Juice through your surname analysis tool, and it returned as a result 100% shit-for-brains.

Anonymous said...

Oh not true. The last part at least you can milk the bulls too, you just use a forward motion instead of a down

velobotomy said...

I'll take your word for it.

babble on said...

But flexible natural rubber and pussies go so well together! Why does it have to be one or the other?

anonymoose said...

Porshe are atwo syllable werd. POUR shuh. I know. Nobody cares.

Vegas said...

Brooks is udderly ridiculous.

I can't believe they cowtowed to the vegan industrial complex.

Now I've chamfed my mind about buying one.

Think that's a stretch? It behooves you not to question me.

Vegas said...

Dang! Almost under Babble. I usually go with latex, but I'm sure she could easily convince me to switch to rubber.

Elwood Blues said...

What da ya want for nothing? ... a rrrrrrrrubber saddle?
Bow bow oooh ooh oooh oooooooo-waaaaaaaah...

Anonymous said...

Wow a video clip from 'rage'...must be something you watch hoping to catch more Aussie girls with Gelatis stuck between their thighs...

Euro Spondee said...

@rct - why would you be scared of the Chamferer. You got guns, haven't you?

http://kd8jhj.blogspot.com/2013/03/the-shooting-bench-marlin-bolt-actions.html

@leroy - your smut was good, unlike some of the more recent bollocks.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, here is the weekend forecast for the greater DC area:

Friday: Mild shvitzing.

Saturday: So hot you'll plotz.

Sunday: Meh...

ps: capcha = aokemen. They misspelled afikomen.

McFly said...

Youz guyz got it all wrong. That 1st image IS Babbles Brooks saddle. It used to be brown.

LEAK DOWN

DRAI NAGE

Móĥặmeḓ Bưffón said...

thank you for this post

الموسوعة الشاملة |  ازياء |  برامج مجانية |  صور |  تحميل البرامج

Serial Retrogrouch said...

Babble,

read my comment again, i was stating the same thing as you. we're on the same page.

happy friday

Serial Retrogrouch said...

it just occurred to me, i'm still on the podi-um.

crosspalms said...

DB,
I think we're only getting splashed today, not soaked. Didn't realize till I saw the news last night and papers this morning how bad things are in a lot of the city. I got off easy (and am watching snow - SNOW - blow past the window now).

Lumpen Fredetariat said...

Trying to feel sorry for you all, but it is another T-shirt day in the Bay Area. I was out on the bike yesterday, and I didn't even bother wuth an undershirt...

DB said...

Crosspalms:
Snow is blowing sideways here but not sticking. What a crappy spring.
Taking the Mrs to Schaumburg tomorrow to get shoes for our daughters wedding. Hope Nordstroms hasn't floated off. How's your house?

DB said...

This could be the day to buy Apple stock.
Just sayin'

An Apple a Day..... said...

Apple Stock, $700 to $400. Soon to be renamed "CrabApple"

Frilly Chick said...

Flurries here in StL this morning. wth?

Allegedly will be nice this weekend. I have rides on tap for both days so Lob let them be right.

McFly--not sure the application will let me attach a picture, maybe a little cut & paste in the "essay" box.

Apricuss Hmmm, the possibilities.

leroy said...

Friday Faux Quiz (Pale Imitation Version)

1. The difference between Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and the Hindenburg is
(a) one resembles a blimp.
(b) one resembles a rigid airship.
(c) one resembles a zeppelin.
(d) one can’t be trusted with zeppoli.

2. The difference between Toronto Mayor Rob Ford and the crash of the Hindenburg is
(a) one is a flaming disaster.
(b) one has had no lasting effect on local cycling.
(c) one is not responsible for the loss of life.
(d) one of degree, not kind.

3. According to a NYC Appellate Court this week, if a dog causes a bicycle to crash in Central Park,
(a) it’s the dog’s fault.
(b) it’s the dog owner’s fault.
(c) it’s the cyclist’s fault.
(d) it’s nobody’s fault. Shit happens. Dog Case

4. Based on this court decision noted above, my dog
(a) is more insufferable than ever.
(b) only calls out “on your left” in French, Italian or Flemish.
(c) Can’t wait for the 2013 NYC Spring Bicycle Racing Series.
(d) all of the above.

5. The cycling ascent of N.J.’s Mount Frederest ends at a police station where one can
(a) fill a water bottle.
(b) use indoor plumbing.
(c) confess to doping.
(d) wonder how it was possible to become even slower than one once was.
(e) all of the above.

Ride joyfully all!

leroy said...

Oops. Maybe this will work:

Dog Case

Frilly Chick said...

Wow, Leroy, well that just plain sucks. Do you know the cyclist? How badly was he hurt?

Like others, I'm sure, I've had a close call with being clotheslined by a stupid flexi-lead/owner.

dnk said...

Leroy,

I humbly submit:

1. d
2. b
3. b
4. d
5. e

On the factual matter concerning question 3, I confess that I might be too stupid to understand a legal judgement. Check that: I am too stupid. So despite reading the decision, I don't know whether or not the dog owner was at fault or whether it was a "shit happens" decision against the cyclist.

All I can say is that my brain tends to wilt when it (my brain) attempts to understand serial double negatives. Such as "denied defendant Julie Smith's (defendant) motion...dismissing the complaint as against her, reversed..."

And (even worse, caps added for emphasis) "certainly we would NOT find that NO NEGLIGENCE claim was available."

Perhaps your dog can enlighten me, grade my exam, or just pee all over it.

Dallas IT Consulting said...

Ahhh....The summer of 1990. Worked at Adventureland in Farmingdale, and our musical soundtrack in the Fascination room that summer consisted of a highly eclectic mix of Beatles, Zappa, REM, Anthrax, and so much more......and of course this. Never even knew there was a video, but damn this brings back a shitload of fun memories.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. dnk --

According to my dog, the answer to Question 3 is: (d) shit happens.

My dog explained that the Court determined that one is only liable for the conduct of one's dog if one knew the dog was vicious. Running into a cyclist isn't vicious. Therefore, calling one's dog from across the road so he runs into a cyclist isn't negligence.

My dog also advised that the decision wouldn't get me off the hook for his behavior due to my whining when he elbowed me during a no drop group ride.

He says it wasn't vicious, but I'm not so sure.

babble on said...

Oh Leroy, bless you! Thank you for filling that empty space snobbers left behind today in his rush to get outta town.

babble on said...

Er... and your dog is waaaaaay too smart for me.

babble on said...

Is it wine o'clock yet? I'm a basket case!

ChamoisJuice said...

Babble you look like you would be so much fun to hang out with. I would like to fuck in the park. In the woods. In the butt. You could put the blanket in your basket. I could clean my junk off with it.

babble on said...

What a lovely offer! You sure know how to romance a girl.

leroy said...

Dear Mr. Person using ChamoisJuice's handle:

My dog asked me to ask you not to fart in the comment section.

It's not nice.

Being a dog, he's also sensitive about folks farting and blaming someone else.

ChamoisJuice said...

I retract the part about cleaning my junk off. They don't call me ChamoisJuice fer nuttin.

grog said...

Babble, check the inscription by Mr. Chamferer and you'll find what you seek.

FUNK WHIZ
JUNK FART
RIDE NICE

CommieCanuck said...

The sad thing about Robs Fords is that they will get re-elected. Torontards would vote for a glazed ham, if that ham could just say it would cut taxes and take out bike lanes.

dnk said...

Leroy: your dog has a keen legal mind. Please thank him (her?) for parsing the decision. I just re-read it, and found myself once again confused by the example of the ball being tossed back and forth across the street and the cat falling out the window. There is clearly no place for me amongst the august membership of the Bar. Your dog, however....

ChamoisJuice: wtf?

Anonymous said...

@Faux Friday Quiz: To find suitable answers for questions #1 and #2, please visit [url="http://zeppelin-museum.de/home_en.0.html"]Zeppelin Museum at Friedrichshafen, Germany[/url].

Anonymous said...

hmmm...now who could possibly sink low enough to lamely impersonate ChamoisJuice?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Hey, leave me out of this. I would not stoop so low. I insult CJ to his face, not behind his back.

Paola Pezzo said...

last real ChamoisJuice post was about the lack of decent rye bread in Seattle...

I have been moving away from using one name, and going back to commenting as anon or Bob Roll or whatevs... I find it moderately entertaining how many other as

Babble, my preferred method of seducting honeys on bicyclettas is as follows:
holler "do a poppa wheelie".
Get a smile. Yell "do a skid, at least!"
You stop, comment on how cute my dog is. Almost as cute as you are. AWSHUCKS. Compliment you on article of clothing, that peripherally props your fashion sense, but mostly your physique.
"You look thirsty. We should get a drink"
etc, etc.
"Let's go dancing"
etc, etc.
"Do you feel my boner?"
ENTER THE BONEZONE!

Works every time.

babble on said...

Commie - I thought they already HAD voted for a glazed ham who promised to rip out the bike lanes.

babble on said...

Chamois - that gets you action? Your dog has got to be taking lessons from Leroy's dog.

babble on said...

Dear Leroy... how did you know it was an impostor?
Curiously yours,
babs

Comment deleted said...

Chamois Juice has never not denied failing to participate in non-action of any sort but that.

babble on said...

Ahhhhhhh. That's better. NOW it's wine o'clock. Thanks, boss.

I love my job. :)

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

@euro spondee - if I was to travel over to jolly old England I wouldn't have my guns on me so I would show the utmost respect to Eric the Chamferer. Now if he was visiting my house I would definitely stay between him and my silverware drawer.

Congrats to the fine citizens of Boston and the LE community for taking out the trash. Thoughts and prayers for those still suffering.

Euro Spondee said...

@rct - nice one

Scheisskopf said...

That's it. I finally nailed it down. That faint whiff of resemblance (a la early 80's cheap cocaine) of the Snob to Rainer Werner Fassbinder (confirmed in the promo video for the new book - Snob A broad.(something to do with crossdressing and bikes i think)(filmed in San Francisco;).

Aaaaaaah.

Fear will eat my soul no longer.

McFly said...

YO RCT I managed to land an Intense Uzzi suspension frame with a Thompson post on the EBAY for $227. Did I get hurt or do good? Its a 26est so I can just swap over all the components from the Dinosaur and get my plush on.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

McFly -I just looked up the Uzzi. Nice that looks like a very stout ride. Let us know for sure how it works out once you've got it built up. Hell the Thompson post is worth a cool Benjamin.

McFly said...

Yeah thats a bud said and it was BONUS because I would have had to buy a SADDLEpost anyway. Don't think my deruillereeraurrelrer clamp is big enough so I may just strip the 3 speed up front down to the middle chainring only and try some 1x7 action. After I get shelled on a few LBL climbs I will be ordering the proper clampage.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

Yeah you could easily get away with a 1x7 setup around here but you got some hills down there in your neck o' the woods. Still give it a try might not be as bad as you think.

Congrats! You're gonna enjoy it.

Perry Mason said...

Leroy @ 1244:

4. Based on this court decision noted above, my dog

(b) only calls out “on your left” in French, Italian or Flemish.

So Leroy's dog speaks in the native tongue of Cipo. Suspicious, very suspicious. Guilt by the ability to use the same tongue.

the commentariat said...

Perry Mason, when you said "Cipo" and "use the tongue" in the same sentence, Frilly got weak in the knees.

Dooth said...

Leroy, I can not be trusted with a zeppoli...just the sound of the name makes my stomache growl.

mikeweb said...

Watching LBL live right now, with the bonus of Sean Kelly commentating.

Cal-kuul-lay-shun.

cowboy54 said...

Another cyclist bites the dust. At 7 in the AM? On a Sunday? Out for a quick 40 miler with your pal?
Read on:

"CARLSBAD, Calif. – A bicyclist was struck and killed by a vehicle while riding in Carlsbad, police said.

The bicyclist was struck by a northbound vehicle while headed north in the bike lane on El Camino Real north of La Costa with a fellow rider, according to the Carlsbad Police Department. Several people called 911 at about 7:40 a.m. to report the crash.

The bicyclist who was struck sustained a head injury and died at the scene, police said.

The bicyclist’s name was withheld pending family notification.

The Carlsbad Police Traffic Division has opened an investigation into the fatal crash.

Carlsbad police said the driver had not been cited or arrested, but the crash remained under investigation.


Read more: http://fox5sandiego.com/2013/04/21/bicyclist-struck-and-killed-in-carlsbad/#ixzz2RBkNBLOr

McFly said...

PURRITO. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. But I imagine they are starting to.

"Yes, I believe I will have the tainted beef. With a side of scalloped potatoes in a creme brule."

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wishiwasmerckx said...

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Can anyone help with a referral?

babble on said...

Hmmm, no... sorry.I don't think people DO divorce in Kansas any more.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

@wiwm: Your bud's a lineman for the county eh?

Well wish him the best with his legal business.