Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Field Trip!

Good morning, evening, middle of the night, middle of the day, or whatever time it is here in whatever country I'm in.

Frankly, I've lost track.

This post must be brief, for I am at this moment preparing to head from London to the Brooks factory in Birmingham.  Needless to say I'll be undertaking this journey by "Boris Bike," which means I should be able to make it there and back in roughly four days.  I'm also pretty nervous about my visit, mostly because it will involve seeing people working, and as a semi-professional bike blogger and book author I haven't done an honest day's work in something like three years.

In short, I exude sloth, and the hardworking Brooksians are bound to smell it radiating off of me like smugness off of a Portlander.

Pending my return (assuming I return and do not meet my fate at the chamferer's blade), in the interest of inspiring more recumbent commentary I'd like to share this specimen that I spotted in Williamsburg, Brooklyn shortly before departing:


As you can see, recumbents clearly represent the next phase of hardcore "urban cycling," and this one features not only homemade foot retention:


But also a battle-scarred and duct-taped seat that, in the unlikely event of a water landing, could probably serve as a flotation device:


Sure it's not pretty, but I'm guessing it does the job, and anyway not everybody can afford one of those exquisite handmade Brooks recumbent saddles:

(Brooks B17 Recumbent, aka the "Lazy Bloke")

In any event, I will update you upon my return, and until then I reman,

Faithfully yours,


--Wildcat Rocking Chair

129 comments:

Ian Large said...

Woohoo! First reader? First commenter?
Who knows but welcome to the UK, Snob.

Ian Large said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BoaB said...

Can't believe my good fortune- could it be a podium???

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Dee said...

I like having a fresh post at wine o'clock in Australia, this is very nice!

Anonymous said...

Top Six. Morning All.

DPL @ H2O said...

Good to have you on this half of the prime meridian!

Bloke on a folding bike... said...

Ah Birmingham - just up the road from me. Wipe your feet on the way out there's a good chap.

Anonymous said...

sleepless night = epic blogtorious exploitiuousness

Anonymous said...

That recumbent has shocks.

It's a "custom" job, as they say in some parts.

Recumbabe's ne'er do well ex-boyfriend's ride?

McFly said...

What time is roll out? Damn you are on Australia time, mate.

McFly said...

Is that a chamfering blade jutting out the back of that "Ghetto Bent"? Is it designed to swing around 180 degree's upon a dooring to slice the achilles tendon of the perpitraitor? More coffeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.....

Band Camp said...

One time.....on a field trip.....I stuck the handle of a chamfering knife in my pussy....

hoonz said...

Birmingham? Apart from the accent prepare to be underwhelmed...

....and also apart from the Brooks factory of course, the only reason anyone who's anyone goes to Brummie land.

While in the UK you must also visit Walthamstow and see the wild mattresses roaming their natural habitat. More info at the site below:
www.walthamstowtourism.co.uk

Anonymous said...

Damn these super early posts

mikeweb said...

"The sun never sets on the Snobbish empire!"

(queue the Thomas Arne)

Billy said...

Wow, posting on mirrorland time already? Does Boris rent recumbent too? I imagine that bent builder has never ridden in a cab and seen those beaded seat covers. Then again, the center seat back reminds me of a Herman Miller aeron chair, so maybe this is a former IT/software engineer gone feral.

Billy said...

It must be an unemployed Unix guru who last learned a computer skill in the early 80s! Old school Unix hackers have epic beards. Bent riders have epic beards. Both invent crazy shit. QED!

thegock said...

MILL WALL

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

NICE BENT

ce said...

In yesterday's post Snob featured a photo of Grant Peterson hiding his face under a wool cardigan, ashamed to be seen riding a recumbent. Grant Peterson, wearer of wool cardigans is ashamed to be seen riding a recumbent.

Here is Grant Peterson whimsically shredding gnar, if that's even possible, while wearing sandals over socks. Grant Peterson, wearer of wool cardigans and sandals over socks is ashamed to be seen riding a recumbent.

Grant Peterson designed whatever these are . Yet, Grant Peterson is ashamed to be seen riding a recumbent. This says something.

ce said...

Correction for Monday's post: the name of Bruce "Andy" White's blog is Fyxomatoss, not Fyxomatussin.

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McFly said...

When you are in England find Rick Astley and make sure he does not do these things:

1)Give you up.

2)Let you down.

3)Run around. Or desert you.

4)Make you cry.

5)Say goodbye.

6)Tell a lie. Or hurt you.


Please get back with me A.S.A.P.

theEel said...

Euro weed.

Paul Bowen said...

I like Birmingham. Miles and miles of easy-going canal cycling through ther heart of the Indusrtial Revolution, signs of which still abound, great beer and fabulous Indian food (Al-Frash on Ladywood Road is my favourite but there are loads of super places). The accent you may find a challenge.

Have a great day!

Think Soy said...

Nice try!

Anonymous said...

Ladywood? Your sick.

Anonymous said...

That's an odd looking recumbent, oh wait, they're all odd looking.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Birmingweed

Anonymous said...

so, you don't post when you go to american cities, but we get like two posts a day when you're in the american colonies? what's up with that?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Snob, while you are there, be sure to visit the city lockup from where the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King wrote his "Letter from the Birmingham Jail."

Wait, what? Oh, never mind...

Anonymous said...

Uh Snobby - who is minding the little nipper? Is vito trained in child care? Do we have to get child services involved?

cycle

Paul Bowen said...

RTMS, even though it's not my responsibility, I feel I should apologise for the weather. I described England in May as "pretty" which you could be forgiven for thinking must be a dialect usage meaning "rain-lashed hellhole". Seriously, London's like being in that unwatchable (or more accurately unlistenable) Rod Steiger movie the last couple of weeks.

SaddleAmericana said...

keep the recumbency rolling. homemade components? now we're talking! have fun at brooks -- I've got to add the brooks lazy bloke to my collection, that way I'm never not sitting on something made in their factory!

DerZoots said...

I can't wait until a bot gets the podium. Forth today with all that fake oakley non-sense.
The "you can only post once/don't hog the standings" crowd will be very disappointed.

Jasper said...

Early doors - no, wait that's not right...

Jasper said...

@McFly - I would guess Rick Astley is back making tea, which is where he was before Stock, Aitken and Waterman thrust him into the limelight..

@wiwm - this one is Birming-mmm not Birming-HAM.

@Paul Bowen - serious danger of WCRM getting his $800 Brooks jacket wet? That would never do...

Klaus Mohn said...

When Eric "The Chamferer" Murray said "thanks for the hipster pussy", I don't think he meant you. So, best of luck when you meet him.

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

This blog post was worth every penny I paid for it. Keep up the excellent work, bloggerer.

Anonymous said...

Did anyone on this blog pass fourth grade english? Try to write sentences people.

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Chaz Boner said...

artisANAL Pantaloons

Serial Retrogrouch said...

i see that bent on the williamsburg bridge very often on my commute. the rider always looks like he really enjoys his commute. he rides at a snail's pace up the bridge, though i have never seem him descending. he probably assumes a stiff position and rockets down... perhaps that's why i never see him!

DerZoots said...

Ha ha.
You said bent and stiff!

mikeweb said...

Rick Astley would never desert you, but Hannibal Lechter would dessert you.

Anonymous said...

I passed turd grade english, so their!

Anon@12:14 said...

What's this blog about anyway?

crosspalms said...

Mikeweb,

Roll, Britannia

Blog Drafter said...

I can apprise that quite well educated and fairly erudite people read this blog on a regular basis. They hardly ever comment, though.

Anonymous said...

Forgiveness panties! (You are forgiven for the thinly disguised Brooks commercial. I mean, everybody has to suck up to their sponsor. That's why you sponsor someone--so they'll suck up. Not sayin'who sponsors my panties.)

Anonymous said...

Der Zoots @12:01 -- Bent and stiff? Sounds like life with -- Peyronie's disease!

Irony Detective said...

@anon 12:29 - or as Bill Clinton

@anon 11:52 "Did anyone on this blog pass fourth grade english? Try to write sentences people"

Comma after sentences? English with a capital E? I didn't pass fourth grade, but I got an O Level

Anonymous said...

Riding bicycles and London. Other than how wonderful I am, those are my favourite topics.

Anonymous said...

..."and until then I reman"

WEAK POST

ADDI NGUP

Anonymous said...

This is a great opportunity for you to experience the superior cycling infrastructure that cyclists in England enjoy.

http://homepage.ntlworld.com/pete.meg/wcc/facility-of-the-month/May2011.htm

ken e. said...

whooo! say hi to mr. murray! my new saddle is magical!

GRMR OGRE
CMFY SDLE
STFU DFUS

crosspalms said...

Sentences people? I used to be a sentences person. That's an example. So's that. No more.

McFly said...

Anon 11:52,

Sentences people. Nailed it.

Anonymous said...

Cheers!

Bubble and Squeek.

Bangers and Mash.

Loos, Lorries and Lurgy.

And like my Da yousta say, Owt is better than Nowt, ya nancy boy, so shet yer gob and get on yer bike. Aye, such a prat!

Beerfueled said...

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

(Ralph Wiggum)

Anonymous said...

Monday someone left a card on my (perfectly good) saddle, advertising this saddle-like thing.

According to a testimonial on the website,
Surprisingly, it is really nice.
Also, it seems to enable the bike to navigate the open ocean: In the summer of 1999, George cyled from Courtenay to the Queen Charlotte Islands. 

Anonymous said...

Good thing they took the unsightly handlebar grips off that beaut.

Anonymous said...

That's not a knife. THIS is a knife.

D. Byrne said...

Snobbie,

The Brooks Free Tibet certified organic natural pleather recumbent riding Manties you recommended are just great!


My only complaint is that my sweat gland residues plus my completely natural body oils are corroding the 100% fair trade copper crotch rivets and staining my pussy green.

Stacey said...

I had hopped to finally escape the tyranny and repressiveness that one can only find in forth grade english class, only to find it haunting me the form of recumbent banter and scrutiny. This is a first draft so feel free to make corrections and punctuation changes as needed. This is the last assignment before I can continue to fifth grade next year. So any and all professional critiques are desperately needed.
Sincerely, Stacey Sajers
Bayview Elementary,
Santa Cruz, CA.

DPL @ H2O said...

Correction: in my haste and excitement last night on posting a comment I congratulated you for being east of London and hence this side of the merid (as they call it ghettos of geography). Anyhow, as a testament to my poor UK geographical knowledge I wrongly thought Birmingham to be northeast of London, right about where Norwich is in fact located. So I have to retract my welcome message to you as it now will reside in the annals of voidum where all per-ejaculatory statements reside.

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@hoonz 6:11am-

NSFW? So much m_____ porn! Good Lord!

So sad to see the way they've taken to the streets, in this way. I hope they're earning well.

Salty and Sore said...

@secondhand bicycles in uk and visachris327 -

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crosspalms said...

crocodile bubba,
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Dooth said...

Send me those tenses--past-present-future--(perfect or imperfect), and I'll mash them into coherent nonsense of semantic, semiotic bullshit.

grog said...

Yabbies with not so much rat in them.
GETT BENT
WACK WEAD

Flambullient said...

Socrates himself is particularly missed....

Speaking of which, what has happened to bgw this week? Is he off his meds again?

bikesgonewild said...

...in regard to the publicity generated for brooks due to bsnyc/rtms/wcrm's book tour, eric 'the chamferer' had this to say...

..."...Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few..."...

...of course, eric 'the chamferer', well known for his bombastic rhetoric also had this to say about the time taken for his midday meal in the lunchroom at brooks in birmingham...

..."...This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning..."...

...eric 'the chamferer, always just sayin'...

McFly said...

Stacey you need to quit hopping, you will twist an ankle sweetie.

McFly said...

Simply jumping up and down will not help you escape tyranny darling. I hope you are female or this is going to be awkward.

leroy said...

Flambullient --

A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.

Socrates, that is. Not BGW.

Anon 11:52 -- I don't mean to brag, but I passed Fourth Grade English. Toughest three years of my life.

mikeweb said...

I think bgw might be on his meds again.

And if that's the case, I can't wait to hear from him also.

mikeweb said...

Whoops! It seems I might on MY meds. The ones that cause slow typing.

I passed 4th grade english also. At the pool hall.

Quilled and Lugged said...

Bit of a plagiarist that Eric, wouldn't you say, bgw?
Does he tell any of Winnie's jokes as well? My old man was fond of repeating those when the occasion demanded, and at other times as well...

Quilled and Lugged said...

Leroy, did your dog help you pass, or is he still stuck in third grade?

bikesgonewild said...

...after major dental surgery the other day, my own speech sounds like incomprehensible gobbledygook, so whilst i recover, i shall find contentment myself by offering the wise words of that bastion of civility, eric 'the birmingham chamferer' who leads his fellow workers to the benches every morning with this lovely little diatribe...

..."...Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duties, and so bear ourselves, that if the British Empire and its Commonwealth last for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest hour'..."...

...so, when you next plunk yourself down on a brooks as you're about to peddle off on your merry way, please spend a moment to sense the history emanating up through your scranus...

...you rightfully owe it to eric 'the chaferer'...

bikesgonewild said...

...whoa, my bad...huge spelling mistake - "...you rightfully owe it to eric 'the chaferer'...

...chamferer, not chaferer...

...eric "chamfers' so you shall not 'chafe'...

...please consider this a written apology, eric...

crosspalms said...

Champers while riding? What a lovely idea. In the words of the hero of Churchill Downs, I'll Have Another.

wishiwasmerckx said...

BGW, the dentist called with your test results. You do indeed have tooth syphilis. He wants you to call him right away...

bikesgonewild said...

...wishiwasmerckx...impossible - i ride a serotta...

...so, pass the champers, crosspalms...that's the spirit, eh, what ???...

crosspalms said...

BGW,
How soon will your dentist post photos of the new bike you helped him buy?

bikesgonewild said...

...he said & i quote - "...for what i'm about to charge you, you oughta just give me your bike...bwahahaha !!!"...

...i figured the first part out before i ever stepped in his office but it was the maniacal laugh that cut to my very soul...

bikesgonewild said...

...quilled n' lugged...did you know that winnie was the first person ever to become an honorary citizen of the united states of america...

...perhaps somewhat of a dubious award but nonetheless distinctive...

Anonymous said...

I want a threesome with McFly and Rick Astley.
Will let all of you circle jerkers in for the pre show.

Cobra Commander

McFly said...

Well at least he will not let us down, critical for a pivot man.

Quilled and Lugged said...

Sorry about your choppers bgw, and glad you are at least running about on the keyboard.
That was a new one on me. Did he accept though? He was a bit of an old curmudgeon, he might have just given them the old reverse V-for-Victory.

Nogocyclist said...

I sure hope WCRM did not go to Europe to get the newest bicycle

Anonymous said...

Billy,

Nice reference to the unix culture.


With respect to the dentist discussion, mine told me he bought a Mountain bike for its versatility and comfort, and he then realized it sucked for riding around the city. He doesn't ride much, but he made an elegant critique of the overleveraged, upperclass suburban culture.

Anonymous said...

Billy,

Nice reference to the unix culture.


With respect to the dentist discussion, mine told me he bought a Mountain bike for its versatility and comfort, and he then realized it sucked for riding around the city. He doesn't ride much, but he made an elegant critique of the overleveraged, upperclass suburban culture.

Babe Winkeldouche' said...

Snob,

Having been to England on several occasions I could not help but notice that 'spontaneous human combustion' is a fairly common occurence there. Especially in the City of London. Although never having visited Australia I understand the Aussie's rate a close second in this category.

So a word to the wise. If you are in a public house or club consuming alcohol make certain you are NEVER standing within one foot of any other patrons as the possibility of flash burns, and even worse, 'secondary spontaneous human combustion' is a real and ever present danger.

Cheers!

McFly said...

He is the pivot man, right? Say he is the the pivot man. SAY HE IS THE F--KIN PIVOT MAN RIGHT F--KIN NOW OR I AM GOING TO START FREAKIN THE F--K OUT! (I will uncensor these f--k's if I have to)

McFly said...

As Roberto Ferrari's team is coming up to the finish line in the TTT Steve Slager says "Presumably he will stay in line and not swerve and take out half of his own team." HAHAHAHAHAHA. I see what you did there, well played, sir.

wishiwasmerckx said...

100th!

Cipo said...

ATTN:

Stacey Sajers
Bayview Elementary,
Santa Cruz, CA.

May 9, 2012 2:44 PM

As a 4th grade student I repeatedly banged my teacher.

I was immediately promoted to 7th grade.

Although I rode erectus during my professional career I will always remember Ms. Recumbabe, my 4th grade anatomically correct horizontally compliant head mistress.

She also wrote a book titled "Why Cipo Can't Read."

bikesgonewild said...

...quilled & lugged...re: the chopper(s)...guess i'll just have to "...harden the fuck up..."...

...it's my understanding he did...he & mother teresa were the only two that received it during their lifetimes...five others were awarded posthumously...

...sir winston also heads the list of the '100 greatest britons' which includes the august likes of sir issac newton, william shakespeare, charles darwin & vice-admiral nelson but a quick perusal of the list, leaves me noting that johhny (rotten) lydon & sid vicious were neglected...

...i can only assume...

Anonymous said...

Pimm's Chukker!

Anonymous said...

Last.

bikesgonewild said...

...anon 11:39pm..."...last..." what ???...

...ohhh, i get it...sorry...

Anonymous said...

Laster.

Anonymous said...

Lastest, now everyone be quiet and go to bed, hand check in five minutes.

Quilled and Lugged said...

We're still up on the left coast, sorry.
bgw, where did you find this list? It certainly wasn't mine, as John Lydon would probably find his way onto that one, if not Sid. Syd Barrett on the other hand...

I thought you were already hard as nails...

Quilled and Lugged said...

Come to think of it (as McFly tends to), if we stick around a little bit longer, we may get tomorrow's Snob today.

Anonymous said...

My, my.

My is an interesting word, very English. I mastered it in, let's see, third or possibly fourth grade.

Anonymous said...

Q&L and BGW.

Anonymous said...

We might get an early post, very possible, aus der Schnobber.

Anonymous said...

If we do I shant lunge for the line, oh no, it'll be quite civilized, indeed.

Anonymous said...

Illness is the doctor to whom we pay most heed; to kindness, to knowledge, we make promise only; pain we obey.

Anonymous said...

And there will be pain.

WPVelo said...

i'm going to hasta start commenting earlier so i doesn't hasta read so many dingdang commentators' commentaries before i commence with comments mine.

you know the tri-dorks could take a potty break before they get on the bike, making transitions a bit less goofy...oh wait, no that'd be hilarious with all the tp stuck to feets and bibs and the teetering and tottering of the porto-pissers as the "athletes" shuffle and stagger in and out.

McFly said...

6:45 am, May 10, 2012. It's official. Hank Hill, propane and propane accesories are sonoymous.

Taylor Phinney said...

“Sure, if I went into this without the ordeal of the last few days, it would’ve been a whole lot better and I probably could’ve held on to it. I completely dragged down the team… I don’t have anyone to blame for the crash, that’s just the way cycling goes.”

Class Act.

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