Friday, May 4, 2012

BSNYC Friday Fun Quiz!

To you, Friday likely means the start of that inexorable slide into sloth and lethargy that characterizes your weekend.  Sure, your body may be at work, but your brain is already elsewhere.  This is probably because you have one of those cushy jobs, like being a neurosurgeon, or piloting a fighter plane, or fighting fires.  I, however, am a semi-professional bike blogger, so that means while you're spinning down I'm gearing up and getting to work, work, work!

Just kidding, this is obviously not "work," and I've been wearing the same sweatpants for two weeks now.

Even so, that doesn't mean I don't have important plugs to plug, because I do.  First of all, my BRA tour is not done yet, and my tour sponsor Brooks and my publisher Chronicle have teamed up to give you the opportunity to win some fabulous prizes by entering "The 'WTF Was That?!' Photo Contest!"


Well, okay, the book's not fabulous, but the Brooks messenger bag certainly is--that's a $97,000 value!  Anyway, all you have to do is take a picture of something wacky and submit it via the link above and you could be "portaging" your personal effects in the dandiest messenger bag in town.

Also, if you're within snot rocket-blowing distance of New York City, please note that tomorrow (Saturday, May 5th) I'll be speaking at the Bike Expo New York at 1:00pm:

To be perfectly honest I had thought last week's New Amsterdam Bike Show and this week's Bike Expo New York were the same event, since it never occurred to me that a fourth-rate cycling city like New York could possibly sustain two bike shows.  Therefore, it was only recently that I realized I'd be speaking here twice.  Nevertheless, I'm tremendously excited to have to go all the way into the city again, and maybe some of the eight or nine people in this town who read my blog will be so bored tomorrow that they'll actually come down to hear me blather for a second time.

Also, I promise not to wear the sweatpants.

Then, next week, it's off to foggy London town, where on Thursday, May 10th I'll be unhooking my first-ever UK BRA at 5:30pm (or 17:30, or whatever they call time over there) at Look Mum No Hands!


It says "There are currently no events," but there totally are, and the event is me.

Finally, I will then go from Scotland's Saddlesore all the way to Italy, where on Sunday, May 13th I'll be appearing at the "Full Bike Day" festival in Brindisi:

I'm still not entirely sure what this festival is all about and I am scared.

After "Full Bike Day," I will return to New York, where I invite you all to help me dig a great big hole in which I will bury myself for at least a year.

Speaking of BRA-ing, yesterday I was summoned all the way into the city (sigh) for a special corporate BRA, and on my way there I rode for a bit behind a rider on a tall bike:


(That vest looks even dirtier than my sweatpants.)

I was amused by the fact that a member of an "outlaw bicycle club" was dutifully using the bike lane like a good little citizen, but I suppose if he were to "take the lane" that he stood the risk of being knocked unconscious by the traffic light.

Eventually, I arrived at the corporate BRA.  The company turned out to be some kind of Internet start-up whose flagship product was something called a "search engine."  (Yeah, like that'll ever catch on.)  Frankly, I'm a little concerned about the future of this company, because not only are they so lazy that they had to request a special BRA instead simply going to a regular one, but they also had squandered a fortune on providing ample indoor bike parking for their employees:


The bicycle pictured above is actually my own Scattante, moments before Rocky started pounding it in training for his upcoming bout with Apollo Creed.

Anyway, you know you've "made it" when you're invited to speak at a company that's almost as successful as Facebook and you find your name hastily scrawled on a whiteboard:


You're always just a felt eraser away from total obscurity.

Anyway, I had a lot of fun at the BRA, even though it was a depressing reminder of just how unemployable I am, since while they were keeping all of our emails running in between games of ping-pong I couldn't even figure out the recycling in the cafeteria.  Then, on the way home, I stopped at a red light next to the exact opposite of a tall bike:


Thus, the circle of my day was complete.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz.  As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer.  If you're right that's fantastic, and if you're wrong you'll see the man-to-sperm transition.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may no part of you get caught in the zipper of your fairing.


--Wildcat Rock Machine






"The 34-year-old is yet to cross the finish line first at the Giro d'Italia, but was posthumously awarded stage 7 in 2007 after Milram's Alessandro Petacchi who was stripped of his victory for an irregular salbutamol test later in the race."

1) Rumors of Thor Hushovd's demise have been greatly exaggerated.

--True
--False

(Spotted by a reader)






2) What was the chief selling point of the 1818 draisine?
















4) Which is not a part of Bill Nye the Science Guy's vision for the cycling cities of tomorrow?

--Tunnels to protect us from the elements
--Louvers for a permanent tailwind
--In-office laundry service
--A wholesale move to tall bikes as the atmosphere at ground level becomes increasingly unbreathable







5) Louvers provide Bill Nye's IROC with a permanent tailwind.

--True
--False








6) David Byrne owns an IROC.

--True
--False






7) Piermont, NY's biggest quality-of-life issue is:

--Hudson River pollution
--The incessant noise of truck traffic
--PCBs in the playgrounds
--The sound of passing cyclists conversing




***Special Nonplussed Woodsman-Themed Bonus Question***




This guy wants to:

--Sell you a bike
--Trade his bike for a set of barbells
--Rock and roll all night and party every day
--Kill you




100 comments:

cablebfg said...

Holy shit. Podium!

Biking Viking said...

FIRST

thegock said...

BATN KILL

C.P.T said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Paul said...

16th

cablebfg said...

Oh, and for the record, I love this place. You need a post or two about the idiotic double-decker bikes (if you haven't already).

Captain Hardbread said...

top ten!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Woo hhhooo panties!

Kenny Banya said...

all right

Anonymous said...

Sane panties for two weeks!

Jasper said...

Early doors-ish
Cruising in with the peloton, smugly feeling I have the GC for the week sewn up.

Anonymous said...

I'll buy the book if you sign my panties!

Jasper said...

Woah, reading the small print on the white board "attendance mandatory"! I didn't think anything was mandatory at a start-up except an over-stocked fridge and a gigantic games room.

David said...

So what's the deal with these tall bike thingies, anyway? I mean, how do they get on or off those things without breaking bones? There's bound to be some cool-stupid videos of that out there somewhere, but I'm too lazy to look for them.

specq said...

Head yolk?

Talk about egg on your face...

McFly said...

I am going to buy that Specialized just to meet that tough monkey.

zoomer said...

WooHoo!
Top something,
Scranus

oh, and, It's May so:
Sans WeedPanties

Anonymous said...

internment startups are sketchy at best. even "companies" with "products" that have yet to "monetize" their "services" are considered successful.

If I had a company which doled out free donuts and had 35 million "subscribers", would you buy $30 IPO share prices?

BULL CRAP

Shep said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjkcQjWiDUg

Flambullient said...

@David - +1 for the yellow yoke bike, or should that be joke bike, or even yolk bike.WTF? Time is too precious

Freddy the Pimp said...

artisinally curated pay as you go vegan/meatatarian panties.

Alice of through the looking glass fame said...

Slope Park

Alice of through the looking glass fame said...

Slope Park

g said...

Wait. So, you have to have the sperm bike held up by a brick that you can't ride over? WTF is the point of that video? If you don't know how to operate a zipper, how the fuck are you going to ride a bike?

Chaz Bono said...

Are the sweatpants mandatory until you heal up from the sex-change operation?

crosspalms said...

If I had one of those recumbents I'd want it in pink so I'd look like a giant Good and Plenty going down the road.

Unrelated commuting note: got doored this morning in a downtown Chicago bike lane by someone getting out of a cab on my left. No injuries to either of us, or harm to bike. The woman said "I didn't know, I didn't see you." I yelled "Well LOOK." Light changed and I rode off, but thought later that I should really have yelled at the cabbie for letting a passenger out in traffic instead of pulling to the curb. Anyway, no swearing, no thoughts of U-lock justice, so if I'm not enlightened yet at least I'm moving in the right direction.

mikeweb said...

That sperm bike has no wiggling tail. I can't understand how he thinks he's going to get all the way to this thing, and THEN get inside of it without a tail.

Oh, and I said this before, but the tough Mainer with the 'alley' for sale is really 'man handling' the left pedal of that bicycle. I would be pretty wary, McFly.

Buffalo Bill said...

What's whooo-hoo speed in an iroc-z? Looked like about 30.

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

This morning when we were getting ready to leave for work and school I told my son we were riding. He said "cool". he's a smart kid.

Any way nice form this week Wild Cat keep it up.

McFly said...

Wouldn't you signing the book decrease it's value? Oh and before I forget while you're in jolly ol' England pick me up 2 or 3 pairs of Elizabeth Hurley's pre-worn panties. I am going to put that junk on ebay and clean up.

alejandro said...

good post. send free text messages at textme4free.com

Mitt R money said...

so is David Byrne's BIcycle BI?

What specq said...

Head yolk, because it's yellow?

Tilly said...

I can’t climb out of my saddle. I try, but it isn’t working. Fabian Cancellara is having the same sort of problem.

Anonymous said...

Anybody else notice that recumbent fairing is red and named after a Ferrari? L-A-M-E

mikeweb said...

crosspalms,

Glad everything turned out alright. And the driver and passenger of that taxi should be thankful you weren't driving a cement truck instead.

SaddleAmericana said...

Glad to see repeat appearances from some of our favorite BSNYC, joined by Mr. Byrne, but where are this week's nudies?

Anonymous said...

Someone really needs to tell this guy the definition of "nonplussed"

McFly said...

R.I.P. MCA.

Billy said...

Tough quiz today, Snob. I'm amused that the man-to-sperm conversion involves re-hooking and re-zipping the same way the sperm-to-man conversion involves lots of unzipping and un-hooking.

@Jasper: That "search" company isn't a startup anymore. It's a bloated bureaucratic organization and you can tell because they have mandatory meetings.

@Buffalo Bill: Crappy sports cars don't have woohoohoo speeds, they have woohoohoo accelerations, which you can get at a pretty low speed. Since you're in a big steel cage with shock absorbers, comfy seats, and a wind shield, you need something longer than Manhattan to get up to anything approaching a woohoohoo speed.

Marcel Da Chump said...

Sad news about MCA. He lived near a messenger service I worked for, and saw him quite often, usually on his skateboard.

R.I.P, Homeboy.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Alimentary, my dear Watson.

wishiwasmerckx said...

A lemon tree, my dear Watson.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Considering that the London BRA is at a shop located at 49 Old Street, I would suggest that you rent a p-far for the post-BRA group ride.

Chris said...

This BRA was scheduled in NYC on thurs? Sadly I can't find a record of it :( Was it video-taped?

Captain Hardbread said...

Hey Wildcat, "roar" another Saturday NYC BRA that I will miss due to werk... can you unhook a BKLYN BRA upon your return from Foggy Town?
just askin'

rural 14 said...

Ant 2nd!
"I didn't see you"
Well that's ok then, tell that to my kid at the funeral.
Makes for a good conversation starter.

I still feel all this enlightenment is not so good. A decent thowck with a metal waterbottle or u-lock makes a definitive statement.

bikesgonewild said...

...david byrne likes to go out late at night & race around nyc in an all black iroc w/ open pipes, wearing a gestapo 'deaths head' officers cap & screaming "...was meinst du, habe ich nicht ein auto, hündinnen ???..." at the top of his lungs...

...(for the unenlightened - "...what do you mean, i don't have a car, bitches ???...")...

...too many years of living suppressed by his own imagery will do that to a man...

bikesgonewild said...

...yes, crosspalms, glad you made it in one piece...

...most cab drivers are 'clue nada' & that's in regard to bikes, cars & pedestrians who aren't perceived as a potential fare...

Quilled and Lugged said...

@wiwm - I was just exhuming those Holmes jokes on someone the other day. I think there was a third that was even more tenuous..

@McFly - he's going to London not Japan. Not much used panty resale happening in the UK. Plus Hugh told me Liz never used to wear panties anyway...

@WCRM - watch out for the black cabs, they really don't give a fcuk about bikes on the whole.

bikesgonewild said...

...mikeweb...never had a 'sperm bike' (& i'm 'okay' w/ that) but the first bike i ever owned, an awesome red 3 speed raleigh, i won in a 'cadbury's choco' contest...

...cadbury's provided the egg that allowed me to grow into the chicken suited cyclist i am today...

...thank you cadburys...

Ray Sexlight said...

It took me five or six tries, but I eventually aced the fun-quiz. Am I eligible for a discount on your new book?

Nebraska Bike Commuter (non DWI edition) said...

Not that I'll be there or anything, but I'm hoping the alternative to those sweatpants is an actual improvement.

I also was waiting to see how the faired recumbant would make it over that brick. I'd have chosen wrong answers on purpose to watch that over and over.

Friendo said...

@ Mikeweb 1:13,
Well played Sir.

bikesgonewild said...

...actually, "Piermont, NY's biggest quality-of-life issue is:..." - the fact that the locals have deluded themselves into thinking they can compare their town to locales that do have the charm & panache they seek...

A framer of the Par'thay Constitution said...

apparently the half life of a Beastie Boy is approximately 23.5 anno.

You got'to fight!

For Your Right!

To Parthayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!


RIP

McFly said...

The answer to #7 is..

E) The sound of pissing cyclists converging

Flambullient said...

Is that the piss converging into a deluge, or the cyclists converging into a howling mob?

M. Cippolini said...

Is this BSNYC guy ever going to stop pasting together a slapdash bunch of self-promoting ads and tired old jokes from his previous postings? Enough already. Start blogging some original humor, or go get a real job.

crosspalms said...

mikeweb,
Thanks. I think we're all lucky I'm not a cement mixer.

wiwm,
LMNOP, my dear Watson...

bgw,
Yeah, I keep telling myself they're working for a living, but I don't threaten their lives when I'm on the job so I'd like them to return the favor.

BikeSnobNYC said...

M. Cippolini,

He is going to stop the self-promotion (well, mostly) as soon as the book tour is over, which is soon.

As far as the old jokes, they've been tired since Day 1, so you're out of luck there.

Thanks for your patience,

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Big Charlie said...

Well. WTF indeed.

I hadn't heard the news so I'm like "?" Oh, now I get it: FUUUCCKK, that sucks big time. That music has been part of my life for over 25 years.

Mr. Recumbent Conspiracy your child is obviously not a teenager if he will be seen with you. That is great. Some people won't be seen with any recumbent riders at all.

Also, still can't ace the quiz. Have a good weekend.

bikesgonewild said...

...ya, btw...that's pretty cool, recumbent conspiracy theorist...

William Shakedouche' said...

Hey Cipo impersonator @ 5:35 PM ...

A 'douche'bag by any other name is still a douche'bag.

oh yeah ...


AYHSMB

bikesgonewild said...

..."...you got to fight, for your right..." to free tibet...

...hats of to the departed adam mca yauch...he's been a big supporter of tibetian rights for years now...

...i wear my 'free tibet' sockguy socks all the time...

leroy said...

I just found out that this weekend is the 5 Boro Tour and not the 5 Burro Tour.

Color me disappointed. I agreed to be a marshal because I hoped someone would ask to see my badge, and I could reply "we don't need no stinking badges."

I don't know how I'm going to break the news to my dog. He's the one who told me it was the 5 Burro Tour.

He put a lot of thought into the serape and sombrero ensemble he convinced me to wear.

Oh well, I'm still going for a post-ride burrito.

Ride safe all! (Especially if you find yourself in a rolling parade with 35,000 other folks who thought they would be on burros.)

Insensitive Critic said...

Brace yourselves, everyone is going to talk about how they loved the Beastie Boys....

bikesgonewild said...

...not me, pal...i dug yauch for taking a stand well outside the realm of music & partying...

Jonathan said...

I wondered what the deal was with the non-shoaling rider at the corner of Vanderbilt and Atlantic, and it turns out it was you. Nice to meet you finally, and thanks for posting the picture on your blog.

JDH said...

I LOVE the Beastie Boys! Gosh!

Dennis Hopper said...

Don't forget to put food on the Hoppers table.

Big Charlie said...

I would enter the contest but I am not on Facebook.

Cipo said...

It's 'IMMENSE' Dude!

Just ask any of the 9,987.5 women I've done the do with.

the .5 was a leftover from and bodacious honey Donna and her half sister DoYaWanna

ce said...

Brace yourselves

The Redditors are coming

Cipo said...

There is nothing quite like a long, slow morning fingerwalk along the vaginal shoreline with the scent on the breeze washing over my senses. Well dangit all, I did not really intend to get wet.....

Anonymous said...

That tall bike cat looked like Black Label.

Jeremy Ironic said...

YOU GOTTA FIGHT

FOR THE RIGHT

TO BE IRONNNIIICCCCCCCCCCCC!!!!

bikesgonewild said...

...you gotta fight for your right
to win the pink jersey...

...props to you, young mister taylor phinney...awesome prologue...

Ramb'lin Fred Douche'bag said...

Check out this photo.

Is that an erect 'recumbabe' on the right?

http://www.pezcyclingnews.com/cgi/gallerypicget.asp?pic=http://www.pezcyclingnews.com/photos/babes/babes12/turk-umbrella.jpg

where would jesus bank? said...

free tibet with purchase of tibet of equal or great value

McFly said...

I knew better than to get on here before I Tivo'd through stage 1 of the Giro.

Unknown said...

notice how on the '2012 draisine' the rear wheel does not have a disc caliper or cable?

my german isn't too good but perhaps this is in fact the first two wheeled human catapult..

Henny Headcheese said...

In the low countries (Zeeland) Bike Snob is known as ...


Bijkke Snooobee

Anonymous said...

The black cabs are, however, positively gentlemanly compared to the minicabs.

I can't believe I'm actually defending the feckless buggers.

Help me......

hey nonny mouse

Assos Guy said...

I'm just some blind guy they kidnapped and forced to dress up!Send help!

McFly said...

I am going to do everything within my power to be in pink tonight.

bikesgonewild said...

...flowers, mcfly, flowers & maybe handcuffs...

McFly said...

Taylor scared me there for a minute.

Third Sun from the Stoned said...

Just when ya think 'I can't do one more bong hit' ...


And that is how a hallucination becomes an unplanned honeymoon

Anonymous said...

Snobby - great blog as usual.

cycle

Dooth said...

Peedmont needs a Friday Fun Whiz.

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Robert said...

the 1818 draisine looks awesome

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