This subject is me. (Or I. Or myself. I'm sure someone will weigh in with the correct grammar, though I personally can't be bothered, since worrying about grammar is like checking your helmet mirror every two seconds.) Sorry if you don't like it, but it's my blog, I pay the three high school kids who write it for me, and if I feel like plugging myself then by Lob I'm gonna do it.
Anyway, as you may know, awhile back I wrote a book:
Not only has this book become a fixture in dozens of bathrooms around the world, but it also earned the greatest honor in literature, which is of course inclusion as a prop in the West Elm furniture catalog:
(Suck on that, Cormac McCarthy.)
Pretty good for a kid who got a zero on the "To Kill A Mockingbird" test in 9th grade English because he never bothered to read it.
Therefore, emboldened by my success, I went ahead and wrote another one:
Technically it doesn't come out until April 2nd, but people seem to be getting their hands on it early because it already seems to be offending Christians:
If you are even slightly offended by mocking religions, especially Christianity, give this book a pass.
Praise like that feels even better than making the West Elm catalog.
Now, you'd think that Chronicle Books would want to give this every chance at success, and you'd also think a key component in that success would be keeping me as far out of the picture as possible. Instead, they're actually sending me on another book tour. You may recall I solicited for tour stop suggestions awhile back, and I'm pleased to report that Chronicle have now semi-finalized my itinerary, which is as follows:
Wednesday, March 21
Tuesday, March 27
Wednesday, March 28
Thursday, March 29
Saturday, March 31
Sunday, April 1
Tuesday, April 10
Wednesday, April 11
Thursday, April 12
Saturday, April 14
Sunday, April 15
At first I was bummed that they weren't sending me to Canada, but then I realized that Minneapolis is in Canada, so I felt a lot better.
You can see event details for each of these cities by clicking here, or else on the picture of my book in the right hand margin of this blog. In addition, I'll be doing something at the New Amsterdam Bike Show here in Not Amsterdam, and presumably Chronicle will be adding those details to the schedule soon. And in addition in addition, I will be visiting London, England, UK, Earth in early May, and will share those details as soon as I have them. And and in addition in addition in addition, after London, on May 13th, I'm going to appear at a festival in Brindisi, Italy called "Full Bike Day:"
Originally it was going to be called "Half Bike Day" and feature all unicycles, but then I said, "Why not just make it a full bike day?," and a festival was born.
In any case, I will share additional details when I have them.
And lastly but not leastly, The Wildcat Rock Machine "Enlightened Cyclist" World Annoyance Tour is generously being brought to you by none other than Brooks:
I'm very much looking forward to the tour, I'm very grateful to Chronicle Books for sending me and to Brooks for the sponsorship, and I hope to see at least some of you along the way.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then yes. If you're wrong then no, and also you'll see Carl Weathers on a bakfiets (forwarded by a reader).
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and thanks for your patience while I flogged my itinerary.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) David Byrne's new book will be called, "Fuck It, I'm Leasing a Hyundai."
(Cipollini abandoned this hairstyle shortly after adopting it, like Shimano with the dual-control mountain bike shifter.)
3) Why is Mario Cipollini like unto a McRib sandwich?
--He is orange
--He is oily
--He disappears periodically and then reappears to much fanfare
--All of the above
(Bring back the elephant trunk skid!)
4) Which pro cyclist has "dropped" a sweet "edit" on the fixiebike?
--Tejay van Garderen
--Edvald Boasson Hagen
(I think my brain just exploded.)
5) A cab getting a ticket for parking in the bike lane? By a cop on a bike? In New York City?!?
(The inventor of the CyFy WristView wrist mirror cycling vehicularly. Hopefully one day we'll all be riding like this.)
6) Serge Issakov would approve! The CyFy WristView wrist mirror has reached its funding goal on Kickstarter.
(Who says Americans don't have a sense of humor?)
7) Cyclists would have an easier time sharing the road with drivers if there was more:
--Bike lane use
***Special Bicycle Speed Measurement Unit-Themed Bonus Question***
If Fred "Woo-hoo-hoo!" speed is 46mph, then Cat 6 "Is that it?" speed is: