BSNYC Friday Juice Box!

As I mentioned on Monday, this is it--the final day of 2012, and indeed of the entire world. I don't know about you, but I had a pretty good time. Highlights for me included being born, watching movies, and this really good sandwich I had one time. Kind of a bummer it had to end this way, but at least I never made much of an effort anyway.

Speaking of effort, as cyclists we are fortunate to have many advocates who work tirelessly to make the world a better place for bikes. However, the problem with advocacy is that the very people who need to be convinced of cycling's legitimacy are also the sorts of people who find bicycle advocates whiny and annoying and therefore automatically dismiss anything they say.

This is especially a problem in New York. Consider, for example, David Byrne. For all my ribbing, I certainly recognize David Byrne's talent, and I also respect the fact that he is an outspoken proponent of the "bi-keen." At the same time, if you're not among the Public Bikes-riding, Bern helmet-wearing, concert-in-the-park-attending set who still carry drivers licenses from their home states and who call cycling "bi-keen," I can see how you might have a difficult time relating to him. (I know I do.)

For this reason, I've long felt that New York City needs a more proletarian cycling advocate. Someone from outside the "Gentri-verse." Someone who seems like he was born here. Someone who does own a car, and who also looks like he could work the door at a strip club. Well, we may have found that in Vincent Ferrari:

Ferrari recently made a video in which he shows 41 cars in a 25-minute period blowing through the stop sign in his Bronx neighborhood, and then goes on to blast the city's treatment of cyclists. Needless to say, the local Smugerati are positively ecstatic that someone who looks like the kind of person who usually tries to run them over is actually taking their side. Here is that video:



Of course, while Vincent Ferrari's message is fundamentally sound, his advocacy work does show room for improvement. Here are just a few examples:

--Though upset about people disobeying the stop sign, he doesn't actually stop at it completely himself;

--The incriminating footage of the other drivers is speeded up in old-timey silent comedy movie fashion, which makes it almost impossible to see what they're doing;

--He tends to ramble a bit, and sounds surprisingly kvetchy for a big guy named Ferrari;

--He thinks it's silly to ticket drivers for talking on cellphones, which is just as illegal as blowing a stop sign;

--He's talking about safety while driving around and making a movie of himself (this would explain his position on the previous item) and I kept expecting a body to roll onto his hood.

Nevertheless, Ferrari's common sense coupled with his undeniable appeal to the widely influential heavyset-bald-guys-who-own-cars-and-wear-wraparound-sunglasses demographic could very well make him the working man's David Byrne. He's got my vote, anyway. Sure, his video is a bit inconsistent and somewhat irresponsible, but maybe that's just what we need.

In other news, yesterday I posted a photo of cyclist Pauline Ferrand Prevot in which she seemed to have a piece of spinach in her teeth, and bicycle racing person Adam Myerson subsequently informed me that it is not a piece of spinach at all but in fact a sparkly diamond or diamond-like object:

If you think about it, it actually makes a lot more sense to put a diamond in your mouth than it does to put one in your ear. An earring can fall out anywhere, but if you lose a diamond on your tooth you're sure to find it again--all you need is a day or two, a pair of rubber gloves, and a prominent note above the toilet reminding your roommates not to flush.

Now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then wow, and if you're wrong you'll see cosmic cycling.

Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and may you find a diamond in your stool tomorrow morning.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

("Check please.")

1) Sprinter Mark Cavendish may have missed an out-of-competition doping test because he was stuck in:

--France
--Italy
--Spain
--Peta Todd

([CTRL+V] The revolutionary seatstay configuration of the Volagi Liscio enhances the frame's vertical compliance while maintaining its blahblahblahzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.)

2) Specialized is suing the makers of the Volagi Liscio for stealing their "trade secrets." What does Volagi call their seat stay design?

--The "LongBow™ Flex Stay"

--The "LongBoy™ Flux Capacitor"

--The "Bowflex® TreadClimber®"

--The "V-Works™ Fux-SNYRD"

("Nice drapes. I hear she straightens the carpet too.")

3) The makers of the Volagi Liscio are also being sued by the makers of Milbon Straight Liscio Crystal Cream thermal hair straightening solution.

--True

--False

(The rare but elegant "Holding an imaginary troll by its hair" victory salute.)

4) Fill in the blank: "Fake 'six-packs' are out. ___________ are in."

--Fierce birds

--Sharp talons

--Jungle cats ripping through skin

--Nonplussed marsupials gnawing on eucalyptus leaves

(Bradford offends singlespeed purists by saluting with two hands instead of one.)

5) Aaron Bradford, winner of the 2012 Singlespeed Cyclocross National Championship, was subsequently disqualified for foregoing the mandatory winner's tattoo.

--True

--False

(Naughty woman risks compromising the integrity of her hymen by riding impertinently in a position God intended for men only.)

6) Which was not among the list of "don't"s for women cyclists of 1895?

--Don't ride while seated in a position other than sidesaddle.
--Don’t wear laced boots. They are tiresome.
--Don’t appear to be up on “records” and “record smashing.” That is sporty.
--Don’t cultivate a “bicycle face.”

(Old-school drifting.)

7) What are "Urban Drifts?"

--"A series of research–driven bicycle rides through New York City that make use of the Situationist International concept of the dérive and tracks the course of the rides using GPS technology."
--A hipper form of continental drift.

--Entire cities on pontoons.

--"A sex act that combines the scatophilic sensuality of a 'Rusty Trombone,' the indignity of a 'Cleveland Steamer,' and the sheer surprise factor of a 'Hot Carl.'"

***Special Comfy Grip-Themed Bonus Question***

(So dorky. So comfy.)

Ergons.

--Yes.
--Yes!
--Yes!!!
--All of the above