Thursday, January 5, 2012

Bespoke Too Soon: That's a Suit of a Different Color

As I do every morning, I awoke to the crowing of the roosters in my artisanal urban pigeon coop, raised my Craftmatic adjustable bed into an upright position, fired up my cutting-edge tablet device, and checked my Twittar social networking account, where the following Tweat caught my eye:

"Pshaw!," I exclaimed on behalf of a certain person of note who doesn't own a car:

("I'm looking for my car but I can't find it because I don't own one.")

I then answered their question with another question:

Or at least I would have if I had had time. See, the life of an artisanal urban farmer is quite demanding, and I had to go collect the eggs from my artisanal chicken coop so I could make an artisanal omelette to go with my artisanal Froot Loops. Also, it turns out that if you get lazy and don't collect the eggs then more chickens eventually come out of them, and next thing you know your luxury Williamsburg condo looks like this:

The exposed beams lend my home a rustic feel, and the red lighting fixtures are bold yet in keeping with the overall minimalist theme of the loft--minus the thousands of chickens in it, of course.

Incidentally, you may have noticed that beneath Mario Cipollini's pantsless haunches sits a Specialized bicycle, and further to yesterday's post I found myself reading the comments on the Velo-whatever article to which I had linked. Most of the comments consisted of readers relating various other tales of Specialized's insidious litigiousness, though there were a few voices of support for the Red Tide, including this one:

Ok, but Specialized is one of the--if not the single--biggest sponsors of women's cycling...

Well, bully for them, but how much support have Specialized lent to women's flossing?

("Mmm, spinach," forwarded by a reader.)

Actually, as it turns out, quite a lot, for each member of Specialized-lululemon will receive the new S-Works McLaren Venge crabon fiber toothpick:

Laterally stiff yet vertically compliant, the S-Works McLaren Venge toothpick is available in the full range of sizes for every tooth gap, from "micro" all the way to "British." Retail price is $7,000, but you can always skip the S-Works and opt for the $5,000 "Pro" version which uses a different crabon weave while only adding .00007 grams. Sure, retrogrouches will scoff at the notion of a crabon toothpick, but really they should take a good look at themselves, since they pay almost that much for their fancy wooden hand-carved Rivendells:

("Steel is real and wood is good." The complete Rivendell line of dental care.)

I understand a lugged version is already in the offing.

Meanwhile, while perusing my tablet I also learned from James Huang's Tweater that those two Volagi guys (the ones who are getting sued by Specialized) recently filmed a local news segment about the whole affair right off the TV and then uploaded it to a popular online video site, giggling to themselves all the while:



As for the news piece, it cites the Volagi's "never-before-seen features, like disc brakes, and a seat stay that bypasses the seat tube and connects to the top tube:"

Wow. I hope these aren't the "trade secrets" Specialized is claiming Volagi stole, since needless to say both those things have been around for a long, long time. Ultimately I suppose it will all come down to jury selection. Sure, the typical American could easily be convinced that these things are new, but a single bike geek on that jury will sink Specialized's case like the Lusitania.

"Objection!," some guy who looks like Yehuda Moon will shout as he stands up in the jury box. "Hellenic stays, commonly associated with builders like Hetchins, bypassed the seat tube and were first used in 1923. I'd hardly call that 'never-before-seen.' [Gigglechortlegigglechortle.]"

Sure, he'd be fined for contempt of court, but he'd also become a hero of the retrogrouch community, get his face on the front page of the "Rivendell Reader," and maybe even receive a sweet retrogrouch-themed abdominal tattoo:


Though as always, women of all kinds would continue to ignore him.

Speaking of retrogrouchery, it can occasionally flirt with foppishness, and yesterday I took delivery of a garment so outrageously foppish that when I catch glimpses of myself in the mirror I ask myself if I have any Grey Poupon:

Yes, it's Brooks's John Boultbee Criterion Cycling Jacket, and it was made especially for me. It even has my name right on the pocket:

Evidently while I was in London some local hoodlums must have broken into my youth hostel, measured my body, and made me a jacket.

Having only just received the jacket I've worn it once so far, and that was yesterday, during which I took this lousy photograph in the traditional "I have no friends so I'll just hold my phone out in front of myself while riding" fashion:

(When I said I was going "full douche" I really meant it.)

As it happens, yesterday was quite cold (or, as wearers of bespoke jackets call it, "bracing"), and the jacket did keep me sufficiently warm. Besides that, I won't say anything else until I've explored the roughly 900 pockets and managed to wrap my mind around this thing, but if you'd like to help me put it through its paces feel free to do so by throwing gooey things at me as I pass, since this is the sort of treatment wearers of bespoke cycling jackets probably deserve. If you don't know what I look like, I'll be the person who looks like a cross between these guys:


And this guy:



And is riding a bike like this:

Also, instead of simply, say, riding to pick up some diapers, I'll now be performing "urban drifts:"

The above was forwarded to me by Jack Thurston of The Bike Show, and if you're wondering what an "urban drift" is, here's your answer:

The reason for the project is my interest in exploring the connection between urban landscapes and the emotions and actions of the inhabitants of that urban space and looking to see what new insights technology (primarily GPS tracking) and psychogeographic maps can shed on this relationship.

In other words, it's artisanal gerrymandering.

167 comments:

andrew said...

Podium!

streepo said...

jessica Ennis is hot

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

no comment

hellbelly said...

Hoooo-eeee!

grog said...

Clean your chamois

Kenny said...

FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS, YOU MAKE THE ROCKIN' WORLD GO 'ROUND!!

Anonymous said...

My Thursday now has meaning to it

Anonymous said...

phew. phlegmy but made it.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Toppus tennus.

I am a shattered engine said...

Carbon fibre toothpicks, now I know what to make out that broken fork I have laying around.

Anonymous said...

beer is always good.

Buy-cycle said...

ummmm Jessic Ennis. Top 12???

Anonymous said...

GAPT OOTH

need more crotchal splendor in '12

Anonymous said...

finishing in the field

Anonymous said...

just blaze.

mikeweb said...

Psychogeographical top 20.

theEel said...

weed.

Marcel Da Chump said...

That Brooks cycling jacket has enough pockets to hold Grey Poupon and entire deli.

crosspalms said...

In that coat, you may be a candidate for the new radio from the Monocle guy in today's NYTimes. Roughly $500, but for that kind of dough it probably comes with psychogeographic maps.

8===D ~ ~ ~ said...

BSNYC:

First Rapha, then obscenely expensive custom douche chariots, then the BOSE ipod thinger, now a custom Brooks dandy frock?!?!!??!

TAKE A LOOK AT YOURSELF MAN!

shaun said...

Why would anyone want disk brakes on a road bike?

Seems like they increase stress on the wheel spokes without increasing the stopping power.

Rim brakes are enough to break the tires loose, no?

And, if you're the type to buy a carbon bike, it seems you're likely to panic over grams, especially grams of rotating mass - like disc brakes.

Anonymous said...

Wildcat, you are becoming quite the dandy.

Anonymous said...

Panties!

Anonymous said...

Shaun,

Rain.

Anonymous said...

also, so you don't wear out your rims every 3rd set of brake pads.

Anonymous said...

but, I agree that bike is fucktarded.

CommieCanuck said...

The Volagi guys should send Speshulized a gift basket, before this lawsuit, no one heard of that bike, or gave a shit about disck breaks, all at the cost of Speshulized lawyers.

This is what happens when you don't feed layers enough and you let them out of the attic.

Factoid: after that Cipo photo shoot, that saddle was removed by a HAZMAT team and thrown into Fukushima Reactor 4.

Anonymous said...

TOOT HPIK
SEAT STAY
WOOD GOOD

Anonymous said...

Brooks' panties!

g said...

Honestly, I am glad you defined what the fuck an "urban drift" was. I got halfway through the first paragraph and gave up.

Morty Seinfeld said...

I invented the beltless rain jacket in 1949, why are you still opting for the belt?

wishiwasmerckx said...

Anon 1:05, more crotchal splendor? You already got it. If you clicked on the curvaceous chainstay link, you would have discovered the following photo caption: "1936 World and Olympic Champion, Toni Merkens, riding his 'no-name' Hetchins."

Toni Merkins? Snigger-snigger.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Merkin

g said...

I thought there would be scranii.

wishiwasmerckx said...

Those are some splendid moustaches you've got there, Inspector Clouseau, old chap.

OBA said...

URBN DRIF

Gaposis said...

I resent that insolent insinuation about British teeth, sir! We have journeyed a great distance from the time when we just had them out and got a new set.

CommieCanuck said...

"Why would anyone want disk brakes on a road bike?"

Road bikes already have disc brakes. The problem is crabon fiber deep dish rims: after you've douched-out $3500, you realize they are fucking dangerous in the wet, and in the dry, they heat up like a mo-fo and are the dumbest idea for clinchers since someone coined the term "clinchers" (which sounds like an anal-venereal disease that I'm pretty sure Cipollini has).

So, now, you buy your $3500 Crabons, then you add on a pair of $800 disck Breaks, so you can now match the weight and performance of a $700 set of alloy wheels.

Except, now, in the rain or dirt, you will lock these suckers faster than David Byrne locks his garage door to hide is Hummer H1.

Anonymous said...

"...do you have a lahcence for that minky....?"

hey nonny mouse

BikeSnobNYC said...

Shaun,

The short answer is that with the rim no longer serving as the braking surface, manufacturers can finally let their wildest crabon rim dreams run wild.

--Wildcat Fop Machine

CommieCanuck said...

You call that a moustache? Check out this bad boy.

Mario C said...

heyyy... wassa matta.. Mario no hava dee cleenchers since 2002.

Blog Drafter said...

Quite a chirpy post...

No one makes Tang jokes anymore, though.

CommieCanuck said...

WFM...without the need for a braking surface, that area on crabon rims can now be used to build low-priced starter condominiums, "from the low 300s".

CommieCanuck said...

No one makes Tang jokes anymore, though.

This is politically correct new millennium, and we don't want to offend any Asians.

Charles Windsor said...

...all the way to "British".

Classic

Anonymous said...

I urban drift to the honeysuckle bar and porn shop.
Reverse drift is like a headwind with sleet.

Spike Lemming

Anonymous said...

Poon tang is the only tang

Spike Lemming

Anonymous said...

What, no scranii again?

T'aint no good without some scranii.

And I'm not talking about Hot Dogs.

And, Oh, yea. I LOLed a bunch at this blog post today.

shaun said...

hmmm....

I still think disc brakes on road bikes is a bit silly.

Now, a drum brake integrated into the hub.... that would be hot.

Imagine the wind resistance advantage. Every Tri-thlete would have to buy a new bike to stay "competitive."

Paul Bowen said...

Well if anyone ever asks me what an £800 anorak looks like I'll now be able to tell them "It's brown, with a belt."

Talking about British teeth, Charles Windsor has a man who puts the toothpaste on his toothbrush for him. This is literally true. I mean, the toothpaste guy has other duties but that's one of them.

Anonymous said...

snob, i don't question your taste in bikes, but i definitely question your tastes in clothing. i don't care how functional it is, that jacket looks retarded.




balls®

BikeSnobNYC said...

Paul Bowen,

Now that's the life. I bet it winds up on the brush with a perfect little point at the end like in those old Aquafresh commercials. Sigh...one day.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

wishiwasmerckx said...

"...no one makes Tang jokes anymore..."

In the Chinese space program, "Tang" is the astronaut...

mikeweb said...

I mean, the toothpaste guy has other duties but that's one of them.

I'm wondering if any of those other duties involve polishing 'little Charlie'.

Anonymous said...

To be a responsible blogger, you should be noting if the items you received were actaully purchased at full value, discounted value or free.

And please don't tell me you paid for that belted jacket.

Anonymous said...

that jacket... WHY?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:08pm,

"Responsible blogger?!?" Now that's an oxymoron.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Vosper said...

Now you need a gentlemen's bike
to match that jacket.
Chain guard, fenders, racks, lights, saddle bag
and a valet for mechanical upkeep.

Anonymous said...

you can have 40 pairs of those dorky-on-a-mtb ergons for the price of that dorky-pretty-much-everywhere jacket

PhilboydStunge said...

Snobby,
You're still the greatest but watch it. You're getting real close to that copenhagenize biz. Recumbabe, si. Red shoes set off the urban drift, no.

Anonymous said...

http://www.brooksengland.com/styleonthemove/#/profiles/gerald/

Buffalo Bill said...

I won't be able to take that urban drift research seriously until the author can provide error ellipses for each data point at a 95% confidence level.

Anonymous said...

Well, now you've got something to wear to the Tweed Ride.

Oded said...

I applaud Neil Bezdek – a pro! – going carless. I’m assuming this means he’s going to go on training rides with no support car, right? Start racing with a pump and extra tubes? Learn how to mend his fork at a local smithy when it breaks?

BikeSnobNYC said...

Anonymous 2:20pm,

The jacket's actually a bargain if you sell your bike and just ride the subway while clutching a pair of Ergons like I do now.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Blog Drafter said...

Snob:

It used to be gentlemanly to look away if a young woman's underthings slipped into view. If you're going to wear a coat like that you should alter the tone of your blog to match.

It would be seemly to look away also if the young lady has inadvertently left some "spinach" on her teeth, I think.

BikeSnobNYC said...

Blog Drafter,

I was actually going more for the "tan raincoat flasher" thing.

--Wildcat Rock Machine

Burt Reynolds 531 said...

Shaun, Dude, please. The iBobs moved to Google Lists or whatever they call the semaphore version of discussion forums now. Maybe they didn't tell you, but they are not that hard to find.

shaun said...

que esta "iBobs"?

JB said...

The jacket is "lined with a fine Tweed [sic?] from the famed Fox Brothers mill."

Fox Brothers! The Fox Brothers stole their loom from the Crenshaw Brothers and when the Crenshaw's built a new one, the Fox's sued them for patent infringement.

Blog Drafter said...

Missed that, totally, my bad.

Hungry Panda said...

Why have you forsaken the bamboo toothpick. You make me very sad.

Anonymous said...

Some questions about the new jacket:

Is it really tan? It looks dirty yellow in your photo.

Isn't the front annoying long for riding? Doesn't it bunch up on your thighs annoyingly with every stroke? Wouldn't this be worse yet with stuff in the lower pockets?

About those pockets, how many are big enough to fit a squirrel in? Are there pockets large enough for larger quarry, such as housecats?

Does it come with hounds? How many?

Isn't that belt singularly useless?

Does it have any reflective bits on it? If so, do they integrate well with the overall aesthetic of the piece, or do they detract from it?

Respectfully awaiting your responses, or a detailed review in an upcoming blog.

Anonymous said...

Two Tangs walk into a bar and say, "Two porcelains, straight up!"

Sinyard Liberation Army said...

What does "support women's cycling" mean? A 20% helmet discount? And like eight jillion fatty masters squabbling over "sponsorship," what the fuck is the point of "supporting" "women's cycling" anyway?

The list of American women who can ride their bikes full-time for a living is how long, with out without Specialized's totalitarian delusions?

Support women's cycling by support a woman cyclist for the fun of it, not by pretending Specialized are the 'benign' scumbags of the bike biz/

Anonymous said...

If you are riding around in that jacket in NYC you are a drug runner.


Spike Lemming

Trek Lepperd said...

Spices, Man. Spices!

Anonymous said...

Or a dope?

Spike Lemming

Anonymous said...

Oh I say old chap, an XL" artisanal" toothpick what? PiP! PiP! Cheerio! and all that sort of rot.

Weeeeed! said...

Gerrymandering!!!!!!!!!!

Hahahahahha.

Man you combine all the things you would never expect in a cycling blog.

Awesome.

Luke said...

So basically that urban drift thing will just have a bunch of tracks back and forth between park slope, greenpoint, and union square? Someone totally just heard of the situationists and needed to let everyone else know.

Anonymous said...

when did you get the new handlebars for your craptante? very stylish.

don the cyclist said...

rode under a tree
now i have grey poop on

Anonymous said...

Sherlock Fred I presume?

i would be careful what neighborhoods you ride through when wearing that jacket.

HalfStepAndTheGranny said...

@ Shaun,

How is a drum brake any different than disc brakes? Still stopping from the hub. Same stresses on the spokes.
Riven-n00b I see.
Have you completed the beginners Velox bartape shellac and tweed project? Grant starts out all the middle aged kiddies on that one.

You drive a Miata don't you?

Stylist said...

I lovee that Brooks cycling jacket.
It's got some retro flair with a dash of urban edge.
Accessorizing is the key to pulling off that genteel urban cyclist look.
A scarf, tweed had, and boots and you're all set.

Bises,
Stylist

HalfStepAndTheGranny said...

Shit!
Twine it's twine.
You know that scratchy string.

Twine.

Anonymous said...

Bike Fob NYC

Anonymous said...

people are making a good case for the brakeless fixie, no weight, no wheel stress (not counting tire wear), and you can go crazy on your rimz. do i sense a fixie reincarnation in the near future.

Anonymous said...

wild cat twee machine, that jacket is very gay. don't wear it.

Anonymous said...

Why are those chickens drinking fronm those lamps?

FauxFashions said...

@ Stylist
You forgot the urban sombrero.
The ultimate topper!

Anonymous said...

Hundred bucks sez that saddle under Mario looks like the tarmac at New England Dragway.

Anonymous said...

The urban douche guy rode 103 miles in 44 hours? No wonder he kept falling off the bike.

Stylist said...

@FauxFashions,
Oh, silly me, I typoed tweed hat "tweed had".
Good looks.

Bises,
Stylist

Anonymous said...

an english cycling jacket without a hood? seriously?

screaming skull said...

Can we cease and desist with Cipo's saddle!

Seechoo Ashunist said...

Do psychogeographic maps account for magnetic declination? What scale are they printed on? Do I have to be a psycho in order to buy one? Will it work when psychonavigating with a psycho compass (where there are 7.5 cardinal directions)?

Stupid Situationists!

Anonymous said...

I think the correct spelling is:
discks Breacks

recumbent conspiracy theorist said...

100

Mehl Brooks said...

Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother?

One Who Knows said...

That jacket needs a Meerschaum pipe to round out the ensemble. What you pack the pipe with is your own business.

shaun said...

@HalfStepAndTheGranny

Disk or drum for road bikes are both silly, but at least the drum provides a nominal advantage on flat courses, since it can be made more aero than disk.

And the rotational mass is closer to the hub, so it'd have less rotational inertia than disk of the same weight.

But yeah, both are a good way to ruin expensive wheels and add weight in order to enable freds to take their $10k bikes out in the rain.

Anonymous said...

FDG PCK

Anonymous said...

FDG PCK

Anonymous said...

Shaun, go find a drum brake for a bike and pick it up. Just don't drop in on your toe.

Stylist said...

@ One who knows,
well, aren't you Mr.Know It All?
A meerschaum pipe WOULD be the
coup de grace to such a killer look.

Bises,
Stylist

Anonymous said...

I think the red fixtures are feeders, not for lighting.
But what to I know? I feed mine by hand. Then I chop off their heads with my artisanal axe and eat them RAW on the spot just like our forefathers used to.

bikesgonewild said...

...'best made' is coming out with it's own line of artisanal toothpicks, hand carved from what is left when rare, exotic & highly endangered rain forest trees are cut down...

...gonna call 'em 'stumpstumpers'...

...i sense litigation...

Anonymous said...

Secret Squirrel
Morocco Mole

One Who Knows said...

Drum brakes would, literally, be "hot" and probably melt the grease right out of your hub. Probably not the best idea, after all.

Symo said...

Can we organise something like "push anyone on a Specialized off week"?

Hopefully with this happening every year we can the bar stewards sales.

Cat 6 Stevens said...

Centerpull, sidepull, V, canti, disc, drum -- I've burned bikes to the ground with all of them. Now I just use a honking big parachute. It's slower, but I save weight by not having to carry a fire extinguisher.

bikesgonewild said...

...re: the volagi liscio sales strategy...'build it & they will come'...

Bike Geek said...

[Gigglechortlegigglechortle.]

JB said...

So is Neil Bezdek eschewing his support car? Will he go with a support Big Dummy or a Kenyan mit rucksack?

Anonymous said...

If I wore that jacket, I couldn't resist yelling out "Go Go Gadget" followed by the name of any bike control I was operating.

Go Go Gadget brakes!

jno62 said...

Ah, humans!

The ability to make up complete bullshit about ANYTHING.

No other animal does that.

Urban Drift indeed.

Anonymous said...

wishiwasmerckx,

well, that was a great link right thar. really though, such watered down crotchal splendor is what I'm rallying against, I don't want such stinkin tertiary linkage to get the crotchal splendor. member the good ol days?

MERK IN!!

Fergie said...

WAIT WAIT WAIT!

Specialized is suing someone because they made a bike like the Fuji Roubaix? Shouldn't Fuji protect their own brand?

Just sayin is all...

HalfStepAndTheGranny said...

@ stylist

Merschaum pipe? I was thinking Wildcat Flying Machine should be climbing into a Messerschmitt in that jacket.

Anonymous said...

I looked at the "Urban Drifts" web page.
Now I want to just beat the crap out of the guy.
And I'm a Buddhist from Boulder. WTF?

NTTAWWT

Vegas said...

Oh, what a lovely departure from the default David Byrne photo, and with a spectacular caption to boot.

Big Charlie said...

I don't get why people want to own expensive cycling gear that can't look like regular (cheap) cycling gear. Are these people spies? WTF?

Anonymous said...

Shit, it's lined with a fine Tweed from the famed Fox Brothers mill!

Anonymous said...

Well, you just need After Eights now...

Anonymous said...

The jacket looks nice (but I would remove the belt).

Another gift from the "Chamferer"?

Lucky you.

Anonymous said...

never accept gifts from anyone named Eric, let alone a chamferer

wishiwasmerckx said...

Never accept a gift from anyone named Eric the half-a-bee...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlrsqGal64w

JDH said...

"Steel is real, and wood is good." That's what she said!

Anonymous said...

Hey Snob,

I actually think that the Volagi design is original because both Hetchins' and GT's seat stays are attached to the seat tube. As you said, Volagi's seat stays are not attached to the seat tube. Please, correct me if I am wrong.

Thank You

Anonymous said...

Ok, I just bought mine too!
Indeed, I chose the Taupe colour.

Test Tickle said...

anon 2:03,

you can't register and trademark "balls."

i was doing that on this very blog years ago.

i mean, i can't blame you for wanting to be me, seeing how i enjoy wearing Rapha, deep V rims, narrow bars, tight britches, and chugging PBR.

just saying ...

balls (OG).

Stylist said...

HalfStepAndTheGranny,
A little Red Baron action, I see.
Yes! But the jacket must be leather.
You're cool creative.

Bises,
Stylist

LK said...

In the fancy carpet countries (think child labor) rug dealers throw rugs out onto the street and let the cars run over them in order to age them just so.

Just saying.

rural 14 said...

ant 2nd!

and how many of those artisinal chickens are liars?

Anonymous said...

Cue the Mancini music from the cop shows of the seventies.
That man garment is full on porn style.
You better have a rather large man stache and an undisclosed attaché to cruise the streets in that.

Anonymous said...

Mario seems very Roman, if you get my draft.

Anonymous said...

Mario's a Greek God, with Roman hands.

(Old joke, sorry)

Anonymous said...

HeeHee!! "urban urban psychogeographic" what a fucking LOSER!

Stupid Name said...

Did anybody else mistake a young dennis byrne for a young steve martin

Anonymous said...

Flossing won't help - that's built into her grill:

http://gallery.roadbikereview.com/data/roadbike/500/photo2.jpg

http://gallery.roadbikereview.com/data/roadbike/500/photo1.jpg

McFly said...

There once was a man from New York, his coat made him look like a dork, so he straps down his Bose and tilts up his nose and trys to avoid the pork.

Plousence said...

You're bound to get pelted with eggs, riding around in that jacket.
Those chickens will exact revenge on you.

Anonymous said...

One mans small penis can be a rather massive cock.

-spike lemming

ce said...

It's probably just me, but after scanning over the Urban Drift article I was left confused as to what it is all about. My best guess is that the psychogeographic maps are for planning illegal street racing courses, thoughtfully selected for the connection between landscapes and emotions ('furious' is an emotion isn't it?) and wicked corners, but I didn't find a single mention of sporty Japanese cars sliding sideways.

Anonymous said...

Urban drift is a study of a rural wanker that kegals his butthole.


-spike lemming

Jasper said...

So much douchery today everyone seems to have forgotten about the Blue Peter babelet. According to the Daily Mail, she has some form:

"Helen's previous exploits include high-wire walking between the chimneys of Battersea power station in London and becoming the first person to solo kayak the length of the Amazon". Now we all know that a kayak is not a bicycle, but give her some credit.

ce said...

Regarding Snob's new Brooks Flasher Coat, I'd actually be worried that when he whips it open it would be lined entirely with leather chamfering tools, much like Machete . Snob, the vigilante known as Edge Shaver.

Bobby said...

Hey there Canuck!!
This was pure gold, a pearl of wisdom:

So, now, you buy your $3500 Crabons, then you add on a pair of $800 disck Breaks, so you can now match the weight and performance of a $700 set of alloy wheels.

Don't those disc brakes remind you of the old Sears Free Spirit 10 speed? Some things have a life of their own.

Think of it this way. If I stick with the old Mavics, I can get a jacket just like Wildcat Rock Machine, and 24 cases of Mr. Moosehead's finest Canadian bubbly. Awesome.

cramitsucko said...

Snob, you complete me.

Anonymous said...

Hey Bobby - I like your math. Remember Moosehead is a wonderful beer and a wonderful experience for the moose.

cycle

BikeTode said...

Epic stem height on those Rivendell picks. Did you get the douchery-laden "newspaper" along with your flasher jacket, or do those just come with the saddles?

JB said...

[A lady] was the "first person to solo kayak the length of the Amazon."

The phrasing leaves open the possibility that she kayaked that distance in the Y pool over a couple-year period. Are we sure that she's not going to "ride the distance to the north pole" by doing laps around Lambeau field for a couple of hours a day?

Drifting Heads said...

psycho-geo
gra-phic
buh-buh-ba
buh-buh
buh-buh ba-ba

Jasper said...

@ JB - that's a smart point, but there are photos that would seem to lend credence to the claim...

What's this about desk breeks? said...

Aren't desk breeks just fancy knickers you can wear around the office?

Just Wondering said...

Wasn't there supposed to be a quiz today?

Anonymous said...

Regarding your artisanal chicken coop: You may have more success once you figure out that the "red lighting fixtures" actually dispense artisanal food and water. The lighting actually comes from the row of artisanal bare bulbs visible at the top center. I am not sure, but I believe that the beige "flying saucers" are radiant heaters. It also appears that your artisanal chickens are engaged in the production of artisanal fried chicken rather than artisanal omelets. Faintly visible, along the right hand side, is a row of tiny artisanal road bikes, which the fryers use for their final ride to the artisanal tree-stump-and-axe where they merge with the infinite. None of this detracts from your obvious dedication to artisanal arts.

helena said...

Hermosa Beach All parts and components are blacked out,giving it a very cool,toughb and mellow look.
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Juan said...

BSNYC: It is clear from your lack of comment after January 5th, the Brooks cycling jacket is so January, 2012. Do you just throw out tidbits and then abandon them to those 19 people who read and are "influenced" by your blog? The comments sounded just like some wannabe "witty clever" yuppie chatter at the local artisanal coffee bar, not half as snarky as your stuff.

thanks for the chuckles,
J.

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OMR said...

Lovely shoes ! It's perfect for the summer

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Craig Taylor said...

the man with no clothes is an example of epic fail. Lol

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john said...

Those chickens sure are rustic.

Sadia Nur said...

lovely dress! you look gorgeous!

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