Who's Next? Searching for LeMond's Replacement

As I halfheartedly reported yesterday, and as everybody knows by now, the Great Trek Bicycle Making Company has severed its relationship with Greg LeMond. In fact, Trek has filed suit against him, claiming he’s done damage to the brand. Trek allege that he did so not only by badmouthing Lance Armstrong and Trek, but also by re-selling bicycles he purchased at a discount directly to customers. According to the suit (a copy of which which was forwarded to me by a reader in the legal profession, along with a bill for $1,500):

... since 1999 Greg LeMond has made numerous purchases of LeMond bicycles at employee pricing from Trek with a suggested retail value of over $2,500,000. Upon information and belief, Greg LeMond has resold, bartered for value or otherwise distributed many or most of these bikes, harming Trek and its dealers.

As one example, in early March 2008, a Trek Dealer sold two LeMond Zurich bicycles to two customers. These bicycles sell at retail for more than $2,800, each, and thus are important sales. This Dealer ordered the bikes and expected to complete the sales when the bikes arrived. On or about March 15, 2008, one of the two customers who had ordered the LeMond Zurich bicycles returned and informed Trek’s Dealer that he and the other customer were able to get LeMond-branded bicycles directly from Greg LeMond himself, at a price much lower than the retail price. The customer explained that since they were saving over 50% by buying from Greg LeMond instead of from the Dealer, they ordered La Victoires, a more expensive LeMond-branded bicycle ($5,279.99 suggested retail price), instead of the Zurich bicycles they had ordered from the Dealer. As his business was harmed by the loss of sales as a result of LeMond’s unauthorized and unlawful conduct, the Dealer commented:

“Why would we support a vendor that is deliberately using back-channels to sell products in our market? As an immediate resolution to this problem, the only fair and practical thing that I can see is to bill Mr. Lemond's account for the lost profit $$ that we have foregone as a result of his action. Furthermore, going forward, I would like an apology and his word that he will not sell around his dealers going forward.”

Again, these are only allegations, but if this is indeed true, Greg LeMond may be the world’s most famous shop rat.

Be that as it may, the Great Trek Bicycle Making Company has lost a member of the family. Granted, losing Greg LeMond might be the same kind of familial loss as when your 45 year old unemployed crank-addicted cousin finally moves out of your basement, but it’s a loss nonetheless. And the big question is: who will move in to fill this loss? Surely Trek will need a new quasi-boutiquey brand to replace LeMond, and my money is on these five frontrunners:


Mario Cipollini

Cipo's flirtation with Rock Racing also involved a brief foray into self-branded bikes. Despite the fact that Mario looks like someone you'd find on hotchickswithdouchebags, the cycling press decided long ago that he's got sex appeal, so presumably it would follow that a line of Cipollini bikes would have sex appeal too. In fact, rumor has it that Mario is heavily invested in a company that has figured out how to impregnate carbon fiber with pheromones, and this is just the sort of technology that could give his bikes an intangible advantage in the marketplace. Just imagine walking into a bike shop and being overcome with a heady musk. With male- and female-specific models available, the rider who straddles a Cipollini would be in a constant state of arousal, and the line between "group ride" and "group sex" would become quite blurry. (And also a little sticky.)

Jan Ullrich

Everybody remembers Jan Ullrich as Lance Armstrong’s perpetual runner-up, but few Americans realize he’s also got his own line of bikes. With the departure of Greg LeMond it would follow that Trek would want to bring another former Yellow Jersey into the fold, and Jan could be exactly who they’re looking for. After all, the Armstrong/Ullrich rivalry was one of the most intense in sporting history—if you define “rivalry” as “riding near each-other in the same race sometimes.” So having both these retirees in the same assisted living home would be quite a coup. Plus, the ads practically write themselves: “Jan Ullrich: the rider synonymous with both ‘second’ and ‘seconds.’”

Grant Petersen

Grant Petersen and Trek together? Never, right? Well, not so fast. While Grant gets to indulge his delightfully retro whims through his Rivendell line, he simply does not have the resources to fully realize his vision. After all, Nitto will only make a quill stem that’s so long. However, if Trek were to back Petersen in buying Nitto, there would be no limit to how long he could make them. Because as Grant and his disciples know, a bike doesn’t fit properly unless the stem/headtube setup resembles a flagpole in a golf hole cup. (Flying a pair of moustache bars instead of a flag, of course.) There are also some more components into which Grant would like to incorporate lugs, and Trek money would allow him to do this. Spokes, seatposts, handlebars, crankarms, and bar-end shifters are just a few components that would benefit from a good old-fashioned lugging, according to Petersen. Finally, Grant could finally put his “uni-lug” frame concept into development. That’s a frame consisting of a single, giant lug with just a few short pieces of tubing as filler. It’s monocoque for retrogrouches!

Bamboo

I think everybody knows what the future of high-end bike material is. You know it, I know it, Craig Calfee knows it. Even fixed-gear kids are making bikes out of it themselves at home. Of course, I'm talking about bamboo. Trek have long been on the forefront of carbon fiber technology, and it's likely they'll take this opportunity to step up their efforts in the bamboo arena as well. Don't be surprised if you find a Trek-distributed line of bikes called "Bamboozled" in your LBS soon. “Bamboozled: the bike that brings out the animal in you.” (Assuming that animal is a hungry panda, or possibly a mountain gorilla.)

A Simple Re-Badge Job

Of course, it’s always possible that Trek will take the fiscally-conservative route. This would most likely consist of continuing to sell their current inventory of LeMond bikes but just covering up a few letters on the decals. Certainly nobody would buy a bike called a “Lemon,” but an “Emo” would undoubtedly fly off the shelf! Between the legions of Jimmy Eat World fans and the dozens of people who remember and love comedian Emo Philips, Trek should find plenty of people who identify with their new brand for one reason or another. Best of all, it will only take a few pieces of electrical tape per bike. (Let's just hope Emo doesn't start dishing any dirt on LA.)