Fixedgeargallery: The Monied Interloper

Fixedgeargallery is full of endearing (if often misguided) first-time budget builds. While these tend to lack brakes, handlebar tape, and attention to detail, there is still a certain charm in the owners' enthusiasm, and one hopes their nascent love for cycling (whether fixed or free) will continue to grow. And even the NJS vanity bikes often at least display a little youthful exuberance.

Occasionally, though, somebody dripping with money decides to wander into the party with a little bit of crotch-candy, casually flaunting it as if to say, "Here's a little conversion I threw together out of odds and ends." This is one such bike:

Or in human form if you prefer:

Nuzzling what appears to be a covered luxury car of some kind, this bike looks like a pastel-clad investment banker leaning against the mantel at a country club. Just another bauble for someone with a house full of mirror-polished toys that nobody else is allowed to touch. "Oh, this old thing? Why, that's just my rain bike." I wonder if after rainy rides, as the owner rolls into the garage, he is greeted by a fleet of footmen, three of whom immediately begin cleaning the bicycle, two of whom strip the rider from his kit and dry and powder him, and one of whom lifts the cover from a silver charger laden with post-ride chèvre and grapes or pepper-crusted yellowfin tuna. "Recovery canapées, sir?" Exhibiting a precious bicycle like this on Fixedgeargallery is like being 50 and drag-racing high school students in your Porsche, or like putting the moves your son's hot girlfriend. And coming across a picture like this is about as pleasurable as coming home from a day in coal mine and finding a postcard from your rich friend in on a cycling holiday in Tuscany.

Messr. Serotta should hire this Nishiki to caddy for him--it's the Danny Noonan to his Judge Smails: